As a business owner and a working mother, there’s a lot to do. It’s endless, really. During the busy times and the rainy weather, the first things to fall off the list are exercise and fresh air breaks. Apparently, I’m not alone in these self-care fails. That’s why last month when my mastermind group of small business owners was planning our June meeting, we decided to schedule a walk and talk in Prospect Park. While we didn’t break a sweat, we did get some steps in, enjoy the energy of the beautiful day, celebrate wins and plot out our goals for the coming months.

For me, these are the moments where I know I can focus on the things that are important to me and I can make the less fun parts of being a grownup fun, in my own way.

Listening to my favorite podcast while I pay bills and do my weekly budgeting tasks.

Rallying my daughters to help me cut out colorful quotes for my next workshop.

Setting up running dates with friends instead of dinners where we will both inevitably eat and spend too much.

This may sound like an obvious concept, yet I find in my coaching practice that suggestions to combine activities can have a profound impact in cleaning up procrastination and reigniting self-care.

To take this approach from idea to practice, follow these simple steps:

1. Make a list of tasks or activities where you’ve been stalling on forward movement or creating a habit.

2. Make a list of activities that feel like a treat or a gift—things you may feel guilty spending time on when there are "important things" that need to be done.

3. Match up tasks from each list so that they seem like a good fit in terms of duration, concentration level and focus. (Hint: listening to an audio book while performing a task that requires focus—like writing—will not work, but an audio book while folding laundry may be a perfect fit.)

4. Pick one or two to begin an efficiency experiment.

For some of my activity combos, I’ve started to look forward to the things I used to truly dislike. Like on the days when I have a 45-minute (or longer commute), I think—it’s just you and me, Terry Gross or Krista Tippett or Oprah. We’re going to make all of these delays and invasions of personal space memorable, even inspiring. And for those areas where I’m still procrastinating, I’m constantly asking, "How can I make this more palatable…or dare I say, fun?" Sometimes the answer is as simple as planting myself at my favorite coffee shop, brainstorming with a close friend or co-working with my puppy who rests his chin on my foot. Somehow, the joy of sweetening the deal gives me the fuel I need to keep moving forward.

A few weeks ago, I attended a gathering at our elementary school with parents whose kids will be going to middle school with my daughter. I was not surprised to learn that the event, along with many others of its kind, was organized by our school’s Parent Coordinator.

Amidst the bustle of parent conversations about sixth graders riding the subway by themselves and gatherings to get the kids ready, I made sure to sneak away to chat with the Parent Coordinator who brought us all together. Feeling lucky to find her alone, I seized my moment.

"I’ve been wanting to thank you for all you’ve done for us through this entire middle school process. You held our hands to help us simplify when it all seemed overwhelming. You shared resources and parent stories so that we felt informed. And—most importantly, you created ways for us to connect with each other, so we can form communities as we step into this new and uncertain time. I felt supported each step of the way. You’re so good at what you do."

She was shocked by this outpouring of gratitude. In a year fraught with concerns and parent stress—there weren’t a lot of thank you’s flying around. And in this moment, I realized—yet again—how much we all need to hear these words. How they lift us up from our hard work, refuel us and help us redouble our efforts.

Here are a few tips to keep in mind as you step into this practice:

Offering appreciation
1. Maintain eye contact so this person can truly connect and take in your words.

2. Be specific! This helps the other person know what they can recreate next time. Note: it can be something small that made an impact.

3. Keep it positive. This is not a feedback session. It’s a time to offer thanks. You don’t want them to walk away focusing on that one negative thing you said—which is what we as humans do!

Receiving appreciation
1. Take it in. Own it. Don’t deflect and take yourself down a notch. This doesn’t feel good for you or the person appreciating you. This takes time to practice, but it’s worth doing! A simple, "I appreciate you saying that." is more powerful than, "It was nothing." Or, "It’s my job."

2. Let it linger. When you’re laser focused on the things you need to do better, remember the thank you’s that have come your way. Let them remind you of the impact you’re having on others.

3. Note the feeling of being appreciated and pay it forward. Catch someone doing something well and jump in with some words of encouragement.

I’ve noticed that often I find it easier to dole out that appreciation when it’s someone outside of my inner circle who has done the bang-up job. For most of us, our teams, friends and families are hungry for that acknowledgement. It may be that we take our close-in people for granted or that our expectations are so high, perhaps too high. Whatever it is, let’s collectively be reminded that this practice is doubly effective when used with our people. They are better when they hear words of encouragement and we are better when we are generous enough to offer them.

Recently, I was asked to participate in a Women’s Rural Retreat in the Catskills area. I would lead 10 women through a 2-hour workshop titled—Getting Creative In Your Career. The rest of the weekend included an apothecary lesson with local makers, a meditative nature walk and a few other ways to connect to the beauty of the area, as well as unwind.

As I began dreaming up the structure for my time with the group, potential PowerPoint slides swam through my brain—but nothing stuck. Bullet points. Charts. Inspirational stock photos. It all felt wrong. Everything that can be powerful in a corporate conference room now seemed completely out of place in this charming spot in the woods. The theme of the weekend was unplugging, relaxing, reflecting—thinking in a new way. I knew what I had to do.

It was time for an experiment!

Having grown my career in large corporate organizations, I rarely walked into a meeting (or said hello) without a deck. And even though I’ve been on my own for a while now, I am often still tethered to this tool as a way to validate all I’m communicating. To say, I fit with you. I belong here—and here’s the data behind me to back it up. This was my moment to deliver an experience, PowerPoint-free and learn about the difference in how it lands.

With tactile cutouts of quotes, a big pad and markers, a guided visualization and honest, thoughtful, vulnerable discussion—we went there. The room was alive with energy, connection and a mutual respect for each other. We created something that wasn’t summarized in a storyline I curated prior to our meeting. And nobody was reading the slides behind me. They were present and they dove within themselves to find answers.

Then with their answers, came mine. Now, I simply need to connect them to the right questions. How can I do more experimenting with this type of format? Who are the audiences who would want it? What’s possible for my business, the women I serve and for me as I begin to make this kind of shift?

I will not use the evidence that came through in this workshop to judge the other work that I’m doing. I do enjoy it and it absolutely falls within my mission. That said, when you experiment with new opportunities and ways of leveraging your strengths—you’re in the space of collecting data for what’s possible in your career.

I find that many friends, colleagues and clients don’t allow themselves this ongoing experimentation for fear that they will fail, that they will not enjoy it—or sometimes it’s that they think they WILL enjoy it—and they will be left with questions about what’s next. Know that one experiment does not need to lead you to a wholesale career change or shift in your thinking. It can however, prompt you to make the next small step to continue your research: learning about who you are and your place in the world.

As a cis-gender person (someone who identifies with the gender assigned at birth), I take the world’s perception of my gender for granted. I identify as female and the way I am seen—in respect to my gender—is in complete sync with how I feel about myself. Given this perception non-issue, I am often asked why I add a line in my email signature that says – She/Her/Hers.

In a recent Well + Good article, Gabrielle Kassel writes, “When a cisgender person—or someone who is read by others as their identifying gender 100 percent of the time—showcases their preferred pronouns, it helps to normalize the practice for all people and recognizes that gender is way more complex than just “male” and “female.”

As a practitioner in the space of diversity and inclusion, here’s why I do it and why you should consider taking this small action, as well:

1. I’m an ally
While I come from the life lens of being clear and un-wavering in my gender, it’s important to me to provide a safe space to those in my orbit and beyond who are not. For those who have struggled to step into their gender identity and those who are now clear their gender is fluid or nonbinary. By sharing my pronouns, I hope to send the message to all people with whom I’m in conversation—it’s safe to share yours and to be you. I see you.

2. It’s a tool to shift perspectives
When I am asked questions about my pronouns, I’m able to educate my cisgender peers on the very reasons I’m defining them as important to all of you now. My knowledge of their importance is informed by the work and wisdom of transgender and nonbinary writers, gender inclusion activists and strategists. But when I take part in sharing this perspective with companies and people who don’t yet understand it, I can help chip away at the emotional toll experienced by trans and nonbinary folks to always be communicating who they are and why it’s OK. Of course, it doesn’t feel like enough—given how far we need to go to create truly diverse and safe spaces, but it’s an easy thing we all can do to push the conversation forward.

3. It helps connect me to other allies
The first place I noticed pronouns in email signatures was with one of my corporate partners. It signaled to me that this was a company that was striving toward being a truly diverse and inclusive workplace, and as I learned more about the organization, that did appear to be the case. Now, when companies or colleagues see my signature, they note I may be a safe coach for their transgender and gender non-conforming employees. And conversely, when I have transgender and nonbinary clients in job searches and career transitions, I can help them target a list of employers that walk their D&I talk.

Beyond email, the next step would be to update your LinkedIn profile. In their Medium article, Argo Collective founder and Gender Inclusion strategist, Max Massure provides a simple how-to on the best way to do this—in addition to providing further rationale for cisgender folks to make these tweaks. While my focus here has been on the professional side of our lives, when we have family and dearest friends in the LGBTQ+ community—this small step is yet another way we can show them allyship, our support and our love.

I’m a woman of many ideas. It’s part of why I’m so deeply loved and why I love being me. And it’s also exhausting: for me and for everyone in my inner circle. I fall in love with a subset of my ideas and I run after them as if I’m summoning my speed for the last mile of a 10K.

There’s a funny look I get from my people when I’m in this mode. A half smile of fear inquiring, “We’re doing this again?”

Twinkle in my eye. Flurry of new to-do’s. Optimism. Busyness. Hope. “Yes, yes we are. Thank you.”

Yet, as I’ve stepped out of my routine in the past few weeks, to be part of a Rural Retreat Weekend and to participate in a week-long professional development training, one theme has been charging at me from all directions.

In order to move forward, I must get quiet.

I’ve been resisting this in every way I know how. Including adding more ideas to my world.

While I cherish a weekly writing practice as my way of going inward, it’s a practice with a business purpose. It’s a way to be in conversation with all of you, to connect on topics that are important to all of us. When I use this time, it’s creative and introspective and yet it’s still goal-oriented.

As the body of research connecting a daily mindfulness or meditation practice to wellbeing grows, it becomes harder to ignore the potential benefits for me in my life. I wouldn’t say I have ignored them altogether.

I’ve downloaded the apps. I use them on occasion.

I’ve taken the walks in the park. When weather conditions are optimal.

I’ve become present in the moment, noticing a butterfly on a building and the emerging buds of spring. When I’m not listening to a podcast or staring at my phone.

Fleeting moments are helpful, but a practice they are not. What I’ve recently acknowledged is that while a quiet practice may come more easily to some (including my clients), it runs counter to the way I’m currently wired. And that’s exactly why I need to have one. Building this muscle will help me refuel, focus and drown out the noise calling me in multiple directions.

Last week an insightful coach and colleague held up a metaphorical mirror (as we coaches often do) for me to see—this is important, but I need to find my own way. There is not one right way to do it.

For me, a place to start and experiment will be with something I already enjoy: writing. I will take 15 minutes each morning to journal about anything. My perfectionism has already had a few thoughts on the subject. “It should be 30 minutes. There should be writing prompts. I should write at least three pages.” Part of this practice is shutting down that voice in order to reinforce that the lack of structure is exactly what I need. I don’t like limits, so when I give myself the time to take it wherever it will go, it is truly freeing.

While it’s still early days in my practice, there’s an ease in it that I have not felt in any other pathway to quiet. There’s freedom to let my mind go anywhere, which given the number of ideas I have a day is exactly where my mind wants to go. Instead of fighting all of the ideas, I’ve created a welcoming home for them to live so I can move on and feel the lightness of who I’m meant to be.

I started babysitting when I was 10 years old. Looking back now, I’m not sure why anyone trusted me with a child at that age, but I do know I gave that job 110%.

I exuberantly sang every toddler-favorite melody.

I got on the floor and built towers that were knocked down a thousand times.

I washed every dish in the sink even if I didn’t dirty it. (Teenage sitters of 2019 please take note!)

Once I had a taste of working, making my own money and learning new skills outside of the classroom, I was hooked. From babysitting, retail, teaching, waitressing, through to television and film production work—I had jobs throughout middle school, high school and college—and looking back now, I realize I learned critical skills that helped me take leaps in my post-college career.

As I look around at teenagers today and to junior employees at organizations with whom I work—I’m seeing this practice of early job experience begin to fade away. According to Business Insider, "Almost 60% of teens in 1979 had a job, compared to 34% in 2015." The reasons behind this trend appear to be an increasing intensity in school and homework, a prioritization of academic achievement and extracurricular activities over all else and a pervasiveness of helicopter parenting that is at odds with the self-sufficient nature of having one’s own path towards independence.

From my perspective, this is a damn shame.

Here are some of the skills I learned in my early work experience that impacted my career, my life and the way I will parent my two girls:

1. Problem solving
When there’s a toddler crying in his bed because he misses his mommy, two burger specials with cheese fries that go missing or an endless line at the register during a spring sale—you need to think on your feet and do your best to figure out how you’re going to deal with it. And it’s not just about you. There are others relying on you: kids that need their sleep; businesses that need to run. The added push to do your best for someone outside of yourself will be excellent practice for how you can show up as a leader in your career and in your life.

2. Relationship building
When I was in high school, I had some great bosses. At one children’s clothing store where I worked for two years, my boss Lydia, the store manager, taught me nearly every aspect of the business. She believed in me, wanted me to learn AND was very generous with feedback. In school our relationships with teachers were one to many, where as at work—I was one of very few employees that Lydia mentored. She cared about me, but she also set boundaries so that it remained a work-focused relationship. It was an opportunity for me to get coached early, accept feedback and learn how to navigate safe, clear professional relationships.

3. Self-reliance
Because I was often employed, I walked through my early career with the knowledge that I was quite employable. I knew how to interview. I knew how to go above and beyond. I learned how to show up on time and how to juggle my responsibilities of work and school, clearly a skill that has set me up well for working parenthood! While I wasn’t earning a salary I could live on until after college, my early work experience gave me the confidence that this would be possible.

In a culture where we’re maniacally focused on our kids’ academic coursework and grades, we’re forgetting about some of the foundational skills that would make them both employable and good employees. Also, some kids who don’t excel in school, may find their groove in their jobs. I know I truly preferred my first four years of working to my four years of college. I appear to learn more efficiently when I’m doing—and I’m certain I’m not alone in that! With my girls, I will encourage them to babysit, pay them to help me with my business if they’re interested or look into ways they can jump into the world of work that speak to them. What’s important to me is that they have this opportunity to learn and grow in a way that can compliment all they’re learning in school and at home—and make some spending money in the process.

One of my dearest friends premiered her film at the Tribeca Film Festival last week—and I was there to take in the moment. Sitting alongside my co-cheerleaders in the audience, we held onto each other and watched our girl shine on a panel of women filmmakers as we have done at all the screenings, fundraisers, focus groups and award ceremonies for the past 20+ years.

Bearing witness to my friend’s optimism, resilience and dogged persistence in an industry that’s only beginning to recognize the talent, value and contribution of women, leaves me with a heart full of gratitude to be on this journey alongside her. It has been a road filled with both disappointment and accolades, but being there—on both ends of the spectrum—is what makes the reward that much sweeter for everyone.

It’s a counterintuitive lesson in life, but I’ve found that somehow, it’s easier to show up for friends during the hard times. We spring into action, call in our resources and project manage the shit out of a crisis. We often feel more vulnerable showing up for the highs and I’ve taken note of those friends who’ve been there for me.

In the audience when I was singing my heart out in my twenties.

Peppered along the NYC marathon route with signs, families and protection from the wind.

Front row at my first talks and workshops after my career transition.

It’s not always easy to be there. It takes:

Saying yes and then rearranging your life logistics to make it so.

Confidence in your own successes and progress on your path.

Freedom from comparisons and judgment.

But what I continue to learn from showing up for my people and being supported by them is that while we are all on our own unique paths, our momentum, our resilience and our joy is collective. We feel it exponentially when it is shared. And it is not about critique or validation. Being there is about making people feel truly seen…and loved.

If you’ve been following along, you know that I’ve just come through an intense period on the school-front with my older daughter. The lead up to learning about her middle school placement was stressful, and frankly, consuming—even though I coached myself through it several times a day.

Now that time is over. We know where she will go. We do feel lucky—especially given that placements were determined by lottery this year, and yet the day after we learned the news, I could not move on. I was still in knots and this was truly bad timing for my stagnant energy.

I knew I could use a break, a weeklong vacation, a day off (even an afternoon of playing hooky!) but I had much to accomplish that week: namely two corporate proposals and a workshop to plan on top of existing client sessions. I had the time blocked out on my calendar to do these bigger projects, but I was simply unable to string coherent sentences together.

I slammed my laptop shut, got some coaching from a colleague and friend, and was able to get what I needed to move on without booking an immediate beach vacation.

Here’s how to move forward in the short-term, when you know you need a break:

1. Acknowledge your effort
Man, I went to 12 school tours, countless meetings, managed a village worth of expectations—including those of a ten-year-old—and I was exhausted. I let this wash over me and you can too. Remind yourself of all you’ve done, the time and energy you’ve spent. Even if the results weren’t completely how you desired them to be, you worked hard and you did your best. Own it.

2. Refuel
When I thought about my reason for needing a weeklong vacation at that very moment, it was to de-pretzel. To relax. To renew. I put on my sneakers and walked in the park until I began to feel some release, some relief from this stuck place. You can do whatever you do that brings you energy and moves you through stress.

3. Reconnect to your "why"
After doing some work to put my recent past to rest, I needed a way to get my momentum back on the projects in front of me. My friend asked me a brilliant and simple question. "Why is this work important?" And I was back. Once I began talking about this work that I love—supporting employees in defining the leaders they want to be, while having the courage to be themselves instead of making comparisons to others—I was hooked and excited to dive in. What’s your "why" for the work you’re doing?

While I was able to complete my work last week and feel truly proud of what I accomplished, I did fight that nagging feeling that there was more I could have done. I knew I still wasn’t working with a full tank and to make it through I needed to set expectations accordingly. Be happy with quality, not quantity. Do the highest priority items and let some less important things slide. Hello, pile of mail growing on my counter. I’ll commune with you another day! Most importantly, I took the whole weekend off: Passover with family and extra time with my girls. While the beach isn’t in the cards just yet, I continue to build in mini-breaks so I can slowly get my mojo back and move on.