Interview Prep For The Self-Aware And Those Who Want To Be

I’ve had many wonderful interviews throughout my career. Moments when I knew I wanted the job and that it was mine for the taking. Interviews where I pulled answers out of the depths of my brain and later wondered how that knowledge ever got there.

The opposite is also true. Early in my digital marketing career, I interviewed with a major advertising agency and showed up absolutely unprepared. I didn’t want the job, but somehow I wanted them to want me. When they asked, "Why would you want to go from client-side to agency-side?" I knew I didn’t want to, so instead I started talking and then kept talking. And talking. I lulled myself into such a bored slumber that I felt my smarter self floating above the interview, watching this unending, meaningless soliloquy and tried to send powerful psychic messages saying, "SHUT UP! I BEG YOU. JUST STOP TALKING!" Finally, I did. The HR Manager did not pass me on to the Hiring Manager I was scheduled to meet. I apologized to my friend who referred me and I made a promise to myself to always give 100% to prepare. And now, I help my clients make that commitment as well.

Here’s my interview prep process that starts with the surface topics and then digs deep into reflecting on the challenges that may be holding you back in your search.

1. Your elevator pitch
I see that face behind your screen. Yes, you need this. It’s simply the answer to the question, "Tell me about yourself." You want this to be clear, precise and on-brand. This is your first impression and your chance to have a powerful start. You can get my three Elevator Pitch Formulas here!

2. STAR Stories—more is more here
Hiring managers want to hear examples of how you exemplified the skills and expertise they’re seeking. That said, you don’t want to talk for days without a breath or jump into a story that has a beginning, a middle and a middle. STAR is a framework you can use to practice your stories. It stands for Situation, Task, Action, Result. When working with clients, I often have this nagging feeling to remind them that you don’t say those words as you’re telling the story, rather it’s simply how you organize the story in your mind. My absolute favorite interview article on themuse.com, 31 of The Most Common Interview Questions, will walk you through how to create your STAR stories for the top interview questions. Note—come up with many and some that are within the past year. Some hiring managers will get that specific!

3. Walk me through your resume
This is a common interview request that you can use to tell your narrative in a positive way, highlighting a diverse set of strengths. I work with clients to attach one anchor strength, skill learned or story that demonstrates a top quality of yours to each role listed on your resume. That way, you can connect the dots with those anchor points to walk through your resume in a clear, concise way that demonstrates the breadth of your experience and allows your personal brand to shine through.

4. Where are the skeletons buried?
This is where we dig deep and get honest with ourselves. While reviewing your resume, underline bullets and write in the margin areas where you might or definitely will go negative. Why are you leaving your job? Why did you stay in the same role for 6 years? Why did you take a career break? How was it working with a manager accused of sexual harassment? You know the questions. You know the moments that still make your face red and your palms sweaty. Reframe those stories. Rewrite the narrative in a boundaried way so that you only say what you are comfortable saying. Then, when you’re in the conversation, hit it head on and then move on. Don’t linger in those landmines even if you are well practiced.

5. Do your research and ask insightful questions
Any hiring manager wants to see your hunger, your commitment and your style in the interview. If you’ve done your homework and ask good questions, you’re showing them that this is the kind of person you’re going to be in the role. Also know that this process goes both ways—you are interviewing this employer as well. When you ask questions about the company, but also the things that are important to you in a role (leadership style, culture, etc.), you’re demonstrating confidence and gaining leverage in your negotiations because it provides the appearance that you have options.

6. Intentions and self-care
The day of the interview, do what you need to do to raise your energy and make yourself feel whole—like you. For some, that means planning your outfit the night before and exercising or meditating in the morning. For others it means having a token or symbol of strength on your person during the meeting. If I have pockets—a rare event in women’s clothing—I like to keep my father’s pinky ring with me during a presentation or a big meeting. Occasionally, I’ll touch it and feel grounded, refueled and energized. One of my clients puts a rock from her hometown in her pocket for the same reason. Also, set an intention for who you want to be in the meeting. If you’ve reflected on your values lately, perhaps it’s one of those—connection or courage. For some of my clients, they set an intention to simply learn more about the role or to be themselves. If you find yourself struggling during the interview, take a deep breath and remember, " I can be myself."

As you strengthen your narrative and your interviewing skills, know that it takes practice—and there’s ALWAYS room to improve. If you don’t get the job, ask for feedback. Even though I’ve found feedback comes only 15-20% of the time, sometimes it can be an absolutely critical piece of wisdom that makes all the difference in your next round of interviews. Also know that finding a job is often about fit. Sometimes when you don’t get the job, you may have dodged a bullet because of something in their culture or leadership approach that was not going to be a fit with your style. Make sure you do a debrief after you don’t get a role so you can learn how to vet those wrong-fit situations out within the interview process and set your own expectations accordingly. Because I have the benefit of seeing many people through this process, I know that the tools I’ve outlined work, but the most important thing you can do for yourself during this intense time of a job search is believe. Believe that there is not only one great opportunity out there for you, but many. With a combination of belief, knowledge that you’re worthy of that next great role, patience, practice and prep—in time—you will get there too.

The Leadership Skill That Separates The Average From The Elite

Early on in my career, I was on a lean digital team where I was hired to lead all functional and marketing efforts for our consumer website. We had momentum and a lot of big ideas aimed at solving our customer’s challenges. Our brand was rising quickly in popularity, so we were driving toward fast changes that made a big impact. The one problem was, we had a weak link. Bob.

Bob was a critical member of our team who had been there since the company was in its early stages and he wasn’t moving with the times. He missed nearly every deadline, didn’t show up for meetings and called in sick multiple times a week. And worse—he was our technology lead, so we were at a loss to make much happen without him.

I felt stuck in my role. I couldn’t make any progress without the technical support of this one person. I, along with others on the team, made the case umpteen times for his removal, but our leader—so strong in so many ways—did not want to take this on.

He hoped Bob would improve.

He assumed at some point Bob would leave on his own.

He asked everyone else on the team to pick up where Bob left off.

In my work coaching and training employees on personal and professional leadership skills, I find many managers and organizations have this same blind spot that my leader did way back when. They leave the poor performer to continue performing poorly and the rest of the team to learn how to live with it.

Often managers leave the employee in place under the guise of being nice, kind or compassionate. As shared by LinkedIn CEO Jeff Weiner in a recent Oprah Super Soul Conversation (that is a must-listen!), the compassionate thing to do is to help that employee move on to a role where he or she would be a better fit. Leaving Bob in a role where he is failing is not good for anyone—especially Bob!

In my experience, it’s this skill—knowing when an employee needs to transition and acting swiftly and generously in making it happen—that separates the good leaders from the great ones. It’s understanding how one person can impact an entire team or organization. When one person is acting out or not meeting expectations, it robs the rest of the team of the clarity and safety that helps them function as a unit. It leaves them in a crisis-mode that minimizes their efforts daily.

There are clearly steps to take prior to making such a transition.

• Providing feedback on how Bob can improve while creating a plan together to help make that happen

• Setting clear expectations again on the breadth of requirements of the role.

• Opening the lines of communication on where Bob’s strengths may match up better to a role within or outside of the organization.

And then, if you have moved through all of the steps to get Bob up to speed and he still can’t do the job he’s being asked to do, it takes both courage and compassion to support Bob in a transition toward something new. As a leader, this is a hard conversation, but if you approach it with your core values in mind, knowing the person you want to be in that moment—though uncomfortable—you will know it is the right thing for all involved.

Learning More By Slowing Down

A handful of times in my life, I walked into a moment when all normalcy, all routine, everything I knew to be true—completely changed in an instant. Time stopped and my entire focus was on the present moment.

After my parents died.

When my babies were born.

When Aunt Marilyn was in rehab after her stroke.

Taking the leap from corporate to start my business.

In these times, other priorities faded into the background and the most important task in front of me was all I could focus on. Moments that would have been easily forgotten at other times of my life—brought me into appreciation of all that I’ve missed when I was swept up by the siren song of routine living.

Making it to school on time or falling asleep at night after my parents’ accident when I was 11.

Wondering if the baby needed to be changed, fed or put down for a nap—and getting the answer right.

Watching a once chatty Aunt Marilyn struggle to form a word as simple as "no."

Signing my first client.

Now, after many years, I find myself in a similar moment in time. It’s not as life changing as loss, or birth, or sickness—and some may laugh (I know who you are) at the very connection—but it brings to mind the same slowing down and refocus I’ve encountered before. We have a new puppy that has brought a combination of love and chaos into my life, and his needs have summoned my presence, forcing me to step off the treadmill and re-evaluate priorities.

I was fearful that bringing this new little guy into our lives would throw my business off course —that I would have no time to do what I need to do. And instead what I found was that what I need to do is changing. The number of hours I spend practicing presence with this animal has helped me more easily shift into that gear with clients, colleagues and in my work overall.

I know my slow speed is temporary. It’s not part of my DNA and I’m self-aware enough to get that. But I’m learning that in my wholesale dropping of projects because "it’s not a good time," I am focusing on the parts of the job I love—with the muscle memory of presence. I am getting more energy from my work and the business continues to thrive while I’m working less. I’ve heard this could happen, but living it first-hand now feels like a gift.

When It's Time To Resign

Whether it’s because I saw the movie 9 to 5 too many times in my youth, because I have a flair for the dramatic or even because of an early hunger for the freedom of entrepreneurship—I was prone to quitting fantasies in my early career. Just like the joys of starting a new relationship in which your partner seems infallible and the possibilities for a life together seem endless, the fresh start of a potential new job was intoxicating to me. A job where all bosses would be inspiring leaders, all colleagues would put out a helping hand to give you a career boost and all projects were apolitical—keeping the end-user in mind. These visions gave me some time to think about what a good resignation looks like and also conjure up your standard burning bridges scenarios. Having taken both approaches—there’s one I would call a "career lengthening" move, while the other simply brings Dolly, Jane and Lily to mind in some of the more cringe-worthy scenes. 

When my clients are preparing for their big resignation moment, a moment that has run through their minds on a loop (often for months), we focus on hitting these points so they can live this experience in a way that feels true to them. 

1. Address emotions ahead of time
Your meeting to announce your resignation with your direct boss is not the moment to begin processing ongoing grievances from your tenure at the company. Work with a friend, partner or professional to acknowledge your feelings of frustration, anger or disappointment so that you can walk into the meeting composed and confident. 

2. Share only what feels comfortable to you
String together a narrative that feels positive and forward thinking so you can walk out the door on a high. Even if there have been tough moments in your role that have pushed you closer to your decision, it’s your choice whether you share them or not. Know that you are not hiding or shrinking if you choose to focus only on what you’re moving toward instead of what you’re leaving behind. You can set a boundary in your choice of narrative and there is always an opportunity to share more at a later date if you so choose. 

3. Keep feedback constructive
If you feel compelled to share feedback on a colleague, manager or trend at the company, take time to craft your talking points so that they are actionable and helpful to moving the culture or productivity of the company in a positive direction. Provide your thoughts through a lens of being in service to the company and the people you care about who are still there. Complaining and dropping problems into the laps of already overworked employees in the name of being right is not helpful to anyone and will not make the impact you hoped to make. If your feedback involves incidents of harassment, review these steps in Lolly Daskal’s piece, 10 Tips For Dealing With Workplace Harassment and ideally consult an attorney prior to giving feedback. 

4. Express gratitude where it feels authentic
Gratitude and appreciation go a long way in keeping career bridges intact. As you think through your narrative, identify clear and authentic ways you can acknowledge the person on the other end—or the company—for the opportunity, for the visibility or for the chance to learn. Whatever it is, it should feel real for both of you. 

5. Be professional about notice and transition
Treat your transition with the respect you showed your role. Give at least two weeks, document your work and processes, meet with colleagues to hand off your work and help hire and/or train your replacement if it fits into your notice window. Do whatever may be meaningful to the people you are leaving behind so that they can feel the care you put into this change. All of that said, if the two week professional standard is all you can do to ensure you have a short break between roles, you can set a boundary there so you have some time to ready yourself for your new opportunity. 

6. Leave the door wide open
I am proud to say that my biggest supporters in my business are former colleagues and direct managers who were on the receiving end of my resignation conversations. If there are people who you are leaving behind with whom you would love to work or collaborate again—by all means—let them know. Connect on LinkedIn, suggest you meet for coffee when you get settled, send them an article here and there to let them know they’re on your mind. Nurture those relationships at a distance, but with the same care and honesty you did when you were on the front lines together, spending more hours side by side than you did with your spouse or closest friends! 

When your narrative is on point and you’re ready for your meeting, practice walking through it with a friend, colleague, coach or therapist. Note areas that may bring up emotion or where you take a detour into negative land. Hone those bits so you feel calm and clear in your delivery. Do something the morning of your meeting that will boost your energy and confidence like—exercising, listening to a power song ("Eye of the Tiger" anyone?) or saying a mantra like, "Onward!" or "Peace out people." or whatever works for you. Know that you’ve made your decision—which was the hard part—and now you get to live out your fantasy that’s been rolling around your mind for months, except this time it’s for real. In front of you stands the fresh start you’ve earned.