4 Ways To Include Men In The Advancement Of Women In Leadership

I have two daughters who believe they can be whomever they want to be. I spend my days supporting women in the pursuit of their dreams and the shattering of glass ceilings. Yet much of my inspiration comes from early memories of my father conquering any obstacle with charisma, wit and unwavering will. While he wasn’t a feminist by any stretch, he believed in the power of his daughters and the world they were capable of bettering. I’m confident if he were here today—we would be having the open and often uncomfortable dialogue required for cultural and generational change. And that’s what it takes: an inclusive dialogue and a partnership where we’re walking forward together. We may not always be in lockstep, but we must understand that we’re never going to get to gender parity on our own.

Here are 4 ways we can include men on the path to advancing women in leadership. 

1. Make the policies more inclusive
Deloitte is ahead of the pack when it comes to policies with its 16-week leave. While it’s not the longest leave out there, the policy is the broadest in scope, allowing “men and women—to take up to 16 fully paid weeks off to care for a family member. This includes a new child, spouse, or aging parent.”* By making the policies open to both men and women around caregiving beyond children—the organization exponentially increases the impact of the program and most importantly the buy-in of leadership. According to The Wall Street Journal, the policy “has the potential to "normalize" caregiving, making it okay for single people, men, senior executives—anyone—to take a block of time off to care for an ailing family member or a new child.”** As employees of different ages and genders are able to leverage this opportunity, more will be able to take part in the vital ongoing conversation about the value this policy brings to both the firm and its employees. 

2. Invite men to the conferences, workshops and conversations
Because of my passion for supporting women in leadership, I go to a fair number of workshops and conferences about the topic. While I’m completely engaged in the content and the palpable inspiration of the speakers—occasionally, I’ll look around the room at the sea of professional women and think—we’re talking to ourselves and that’s why we’re not making any headway. I’m encouraged when I talk to women’s interest groups within Fortune-100 organizations about workshops and we both agree—the content and the spirit of the room MUST work for both men and women. The panel must be diverse in gender and race. The name of the workshop and the marketing materials must be inclusive. This sounds obvious, but I can assure you, it’s often not done—causing us to continuously recycle the same ideas within our closed circles.

3. Find senior male advocates and mentors
Just because you want to be an inspiring woman leader, doesn’t mean you must find all of your inspiration from women. I’ve built wonderful relationships with some of my male leaders throughout my career and they continue to show up for me with wisdom, support and connections within their respective networks. By continuing to seek out these male advocates, you’re including them in the conversation of what it can look like for a woman to lead, broadening their perspective of what’s possible, while giving them an opportunity to be a change-maker via their support of you and your career. If you position it that way, I promise they’ll want to join you for the ride. 

4. Empathize and educate
Men are our partners in moving toward gender equity in leadership and in pay. If we see it any other way, we lose traction and remain stuck. Quite frankly, those men who don’t partner up will be left behind over time—because the movement is hitting a tipping point…this is happening. In my practice, I see women who have been culturally indoctrinated to “want it all,” strive for perfection, feel plagued by guilt if they ever prioritize work over family—and willingly take on the role of CEO of the household. And on the flipside, men are faced with the pressure of provide or perish. Women want to have creative and exciting careers and men yearn to participate more in parenting. As women, if we can empathize with where men are coming from, the pressures they face and the distance they often feel from being able to engage with their families in a real and meaningful way—we can start from a place of partnership in our educating of each other on the costs of how we’re currently living. We can advocate for ourselves instead of stewing in resentment or complacency. We can ask for help, believe asking for help is a sign of strength and believe that the men in our lives are capable of providing that help. 

All of this said, I do live in a reality in which I know there are institutional biases firmly in place—but the necessary disruption begins with coming together, rather than fighting each other. I’m optimistic because I’ve seen this model work, and because women leaders and like-minded men are creating new institutions that will be this change we’re seeking. They will set the example. They will amplify their voices and their results, and those who are smart will listen. 

* Exclusive: Deloitte Enters the Paid Leave Arms Race With 16 Weeks of Family Leave on Fortune.com
** This new paid leave policy may be the smartest perk for families yet on WashingtonPost.com

Intuition: The Most Powerful Career Tool You're Not Using

A few years ago I found myself in a career rut while working in digital marketing. I had done all I could do to follow my own instructions from my post, Love The Job You're With. I was learning new skills and achieving improved results for the business, but something was still missing. I was hungry to do something completely new, after a long career with very similar roles. But what could it be? I was truly stumped. 

I decided to take a couple of career assessments to get me thinking in a new way. One of the assessments provided a roadmap of all the possible career paths best suited to my interests. Number one on the list—Career Coach! While I read my results with a healthy dose of skepticism, given my long career in Marketing (which was also on the list by the way), the idea resonated enough with me that I felt compelled to dive into a fervor of research in a short time. Within 24 hours I'd assembled a matrix of all the Coach Certification programs available in my area, my contacts that had gone through the various programs and the times of my calls to speak with them. The more research I did, the greater my conviction became. I quickly learned that my top choice program had a cohort beginning the following week. I wasn't expecting to be forced to make a decision this quickly about a size-able investment of time and money—and yet every cell in my body was saying, "You must do this!" I listened. 

I talked to my very supportive husband, my biggest advocate and cheerleader. "I know it sounds insane, but I feel like I need to do this. While I know it will be a lot of hard work, I know I'm up to it and I can't remember the last time I was this excited about my career and where it's going." This was a no-brainer for him. He agreed that not only did I need to do this, but in actuality, I'd been coaching my entire career—and this would make it official. 

My intuition was critical in moving me toward my current path of coaching and it continues to be my strongest driver in building my business. While I had some opportunities to hone my intuition in my corporate career, I found that it was not something that was often admired or respected, and in turn, I frequently kept my hunches to myself until they were validated with reams of data. It has taken time to unlearn this behavior and not only begin to reconnect with that intuitive voice, but also take risks in trusting it. 

I see this as one of the biggest challenges for my clients when they walk through my door. They come to me for advice, wanting me to make a slew of decisions for them and they quickly learn…I don't do that! My advice would come from my perspective and in coaching, I help clients tap into their own inner wisdom so they can find the solutions that are right for them. I find that when we are disconnected from our intuition, we're rudderless and stuck—looking to others to make decisions for us and following the paths of friends and family who have done the self-reflection that we have not done. In my practice, I help clients reconnect to their intuition so they can begin to experiment with trusting it and monitoring the results. 

In order to get a taste of how it works, you can try this exercise:

1. Close your eyes when you have five minutes of private, quiet time (even if you have to schedule it!). Say hello to your intuition. Acknowledge that you've neglected it lately. Take a deep breath and let your intuition know that you're open to listening now.

2. Every time you feel that strong gut instinct in your body, keep a journal (or note on your phone) of what it is, where you feel it and if you're going to follow it.

3. Try following it once a day for a week. Note the results in your journal. How did you feel when you followed your intuition?

All of this said, I think it's important to validate your intuition with data—and I continue to do this within my business. As an entrepreneur, I don't have time to do this for every decision. I have learned to go with my gut much of the time so that I'm constantly moving forward. While this may not be possible in many corporate cultures, there can be a balance where we practice leveraging this critical tool as a way to develop in our leadership and to grow in our expertise within an organization. As I develop my own intuition, I'm comforted to know I have an internal compass on which to rely—even in the most complex terrain. 

10 Ways To Write Emails People Will Read

Whether you believe email is the enemy or you get a tingle with each chimey alert—or you consider it as over as the phone call—let me set the record straight. In professional life: email is still here, it’s important to do it well, but it shouldn’t rule your life or be your only communication channel. Here are some strategies I’ve developed over the years that I share in workshops with employees who are helplessly overwhelmed by this still critical information tool. 

1. Tone = Professional + Dash of Personality
When I review emails my clients send, I find they are often on opposite ends of the spectrum—from casual enough to be a text to so formal they seem robotic. Where you land on the continuum does depend on the corporate culture of your organization—so it will vary. When in doubt, I lean toward a mostly professional voice while adding in the use of contractions to tone down the formality. Most importantly, if you want your emails to be memorable throw in a nugget from your personal brand or a note of connection you have with your email receiver. This reinforces the relationship you’re building with this person and will make him or her more likely to respond. You’re appealing to your audience as humans and not simply someone from whom you need something. 

2. Clear Subject Lines Win Every Time
Remember those SAT Prep reading comprehension exercises where you had to find the main idea of a paragraph? It’s time to revisit that skill. You must be clear about what you need in the subject line, using it to highlight a tight deadline or action required. Also—if the conversation in a thread has evolved over the course of the back and forth—make sure that the subject line reflects the current email you’re sending instead of simply using the same subject line you’ve been using for weeks. Lastly, don’t send emails without a subject line. Just don’t .

3. When Angry: Save. As. Draft. 
Sometimes an email comes through that grabs you by the throat. Whether you’ve been blamed for something you know you didn’t do or it’s simply another request from that person who expects you to do her job again—DO NOT rage email a response. Instead of writing the email immediately, go take a walk. Run up and down 8 flights of stairs. Find a YouTube video of baby goats at a yoga class (which you should do anyway). If you must write the response as soon as you get it, do yourself and your company a favor: save as draft and then walk away for at least 15 minutes. Nothing good is coming of that immediate angry response. I promise you. Take it from someone who was reprimanded by her CMO for sending that email. All roads post-rage email lead to a dark place. 

4. Consider Your Audience
Even if you’re writing a similar email to many different recipients, do not simply cut and paste your email content and send. Think about your receiver. What level is she in the organization? How well do you know him? Do you have a hobby in common or a child the same age? Is this someone who requires data to prove out your assumption or is it someone who simply wants to be informed at a high level? An email to a senior leader should be short and concise, given the limited time he or she may have to spend on your email—where as an email with your day to day contact on a project can provide more detail. 

5. Formatting Is Your Friend
Back in my digital marketing days I worked with one colleague who sent me emails that were 5-6 paragraphs of running prose with at least 10-12 questions set within long-winded sentences. These emails made me angry. I still get angry thinking about them. Marie Kondo your emails, friends. If those flowery sentences don’t bring you joy, don’t write them and PLEASE don’t make others read them. Bold category headers, bulleted lists of questions, clear objectives, underlined deadlines—when I receive emails with these things, I feel safe. Like all is right with the world and I can accomplish anything. Don’t you want to make people feel this way?

6. Deadlines Motivate People
Oh I wish it weren’t so, but it is. Deadlines keep people in line, so if you are asking them to do something—you’re missing a NECESSARY step if you don’t include a deadline. Put the deadline in your subject line. Put it in bold, underline—or even red font within your email. If it’s a tight deadline—acknowledge it as such and invoke the name of the important person who is committed to all of you making this deadline. Agree to offer more time in the future and when it’s within your control, stay true to this agreement. 

7. Don’t CC The World
Get clear on roles and responsibilities for your projects and what the communication flow will be at the very beginning. When you cc a near nation-state, you raise the stakes on each email thread and throw off the productivity levels of people who did not need to be informed of every detail. What could have been a simple back and forth on logistics is now a keynote speech via megaphone. Why create this level of pressure where it’s not necessary to do so?

8. Two Words: Proof Read. Whoops, That’s One Word
This one bites me often, which is why I know myself well enough to hire a copyeditor (who was thrilled to get a shout-out in this post!) . Even though you’re working fast, you must read your email a couple of times (at least!), spellcheck, and make sure there’s only one space between each sentence (a pet peeve of mine). You don’t want to proof read for the first time after you’ve hit send and get the stomach pit! This is avoidable and while I don’t expect perfection—typos may be the thing that separate you and a competitor or a colleague who may be after the promotion you want. Proofreading takes one minute and it’s a minute very well spent.

9. Follow-up Separates The Leaders From The Rest Of The Pack
You may think you’re being a nudge, but many people actually rely on your follow-up. While I don’t recommend waiting for others to follow up with you as your queue to complete a task, I do acknowledge that the world in which we live often requires a second (or even third) email to convert a client, set up a meeting, or even prompt someone to meet their deadline. When you don’t follow-up, you leave opportunities on the table—and that’s not how we do things when I’m your coach. 

10. Amidst Confusion, Pick Up The Phone
After the 4th, 5th or 25th email back and forth on one topic, you may get a gut feeling to have a conversation or set up a meeting. Trust this instinct! Tone, intentions, and humor can be lost in a marathon email thread and you could save yourself and colleagues A LOT of time by picking up the phone and hashing things out in a 5-minute conversation. If you’re not making a phone call or setting up the meeting because you want to make sure decisions are documented, work through your challenges on the phone and then send a confirmation email of what you discussed to assure everyone is on the same page and you have the written documentation you need. 

For many of you with 5+ years of experience this will be a review and also a reminder of what to share with your teams who may not have the institutional knowledge of email etiquette and efficiency. If you’re at the beginning of your career, get some feedback on your emails from more senior members of the team. If you can get on the right track early in your career, think of the hours of time you can save for all involved. 

6 Strategies To Get Your Work Done At Work

You’re exhausted. You’ve been in back to back meetings all day and you finally return to your desk only to get that stomach pang. It’s 5:30 and you’ve done NOTHING on your to do list. How did this happen? For working parents, this productivity fail can result in evenings where you’re more connected to your phone than your kids while they’re awake—and then signing on to start your workday again after they’ve called you back to stall their inevitable slumber for the fifth time. Not ideal for anyone who wants something resembling a life! 

If you want to get your work done during the day AND be present for your family in the evening, pay attention—I’m talking to you! Here are some strategies that work for my corporate clients who are balancing career and family. 

1. Take a proactive approach to time
It’s time to commune with your calendar. It’s not your enemy, it’s your solution to getting your priority projects accomplished. To take a page from my longtime guru on time and life management – Stephen Covey, put “first things, first.” I’ve listened to the cassettes (yes, I said the c-word!) of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People more times than I can count—and it’s the primary reason I’ve been able to incorporate a writing practice into my busy life of being a small business owner and a mom. Identify your priorities, values and mission in work and life and make sure your calendar reflects them! I sit down with my calendar a month at a time and schedule in writing time one to two times a week. Then I schedule EVERYTHING else around those dates with my laptop and favorite writing coffee shop. 

2. Your new mantra: “Do I need to be in this meeting?” 
Now that you’ve identified your priorities, use them as your filter for when you answer this productivity make or break question. Be ruthless in protecting your time and saying no to meetings where your intuition is telling you: 1) It will be a waste of time, 2) Your input is not needed on this topic 3) You can give an opportunity to someone on your team to lead. If you have a hard time declining, try my approach to using The Inspired No. As much as possible, question the need for a meeting. There are times where it is necessary, but often times we set up time with others simply to hold ourselves accountable to deadlines or doing the work. What other way can you hold yourself and others accountable? If you’re a leader, set the tone that questioning the need for a meeting is ok. It can become part of the culture so that as a team, you can help each other protect your collective time. 

3. Kill the meeting to prep for the meeting
This may be controversial and I’ll put out the caveat that if you’re rehearsing for a presentation or pitch—there is a need for practice. That said, we have gone completely overboard in our abundance of “meetings for the meetings” and more often than not it can prompt employees to experience everything ranging from disengagement to outrage. Instead, how can you use tools like Slack or even email to assign roles for meetings and get feedback from colleagues on how the work is progressing? In my experience, the meeting for the meeting often occurs when there is a gap in leadership on a project., assignments are organized by committee and there is much time hemming and hawing over who does what and how to proceed. If you’re experiencing that gap in leadership, consider this as an opportunity to step up and run the show. While it may seem like you’re taking on more when you do this, you’re actually saving time by providing clear direction and a structure for your colleagues—cutting down on hours of hesitation and second-guessing. 

4. Run meetings with military precision
Meetings should have rules. Whenever possible they should be 30 or 45 minutes, max. Everyone should arrive on time. If they don’t arrive on time, you don’t restart the meeting when they arrive. In addition to everyone knowing what the meeting is about (I wish this was a joke), there should be an agenda and pre-work that MUST be read prior to the meeting. Everyone should show up with a pen and notebook. Personally, I find laptops in a meeting distracting, but I know this is becoming standard practice. If you’re trying to create a culture where there are fewer meetings and you have only a few times where you gather with people in person, I do think pen and paper facilitates better team interactions and dynamics than a room full of laptops—but that may be a question of style. There should be a clear leader of the meeting who will keep the discussion to the agenda and capture interesting topics that are not on the agenda to revisit at another time. 

5. Delegate like a boss
You don’t have to do it all yourself—especially when you have employees reporting to you! I see many leaders with teams, still struggling with delegating and the costs are clear—overwhelm and a lack of growth. When you stay focused on the junior tasks that could be growth opportunities for your direct reports, you cut off your own opportunities to expand your skills and expertise—not to mention your chance of being promoted. Even if you don’t have a team, (with the support of senior leaders) gain some leadership experience by mentoring a more junior employee on a project you’re working on together. You can practice training employees, handing off tasks and letting go of control. These are all necessary skills to both protect your own time and move to the next level in your career. 

6. Leaders: create office hours
If you’re in charge of a team and you all sit together in a small space, you may be the one who can always answer that question or give advice or coach—at any moment in the day. It’s exhausting and you can end up feeling like your time is not your own. One way my clients are able to protect their time is by creating office hours 2-3 times a week and communicating that this is the time to come over to discuss something in person. If they come over for a quick chat at other times, it’s up to you to kick them out of your cube—in the most respectful way—and redirect them to your office hours. You may want to post your hours somewhere to give your team the visual cue. 

While I don’t recommend implementing all of these strategies at one time, pick one or two to experiment with and see how much time you can create in your day! Begin the dialogue with leadership around the way meetings are impacting productivity and engagement for the team. These habits are deeply engrained in corporate cultures and buy-in at a senior level is necessary to make a change. Most importantly, practice disconnecting from work during those pre-bedtime hours with family. I know I’m not alone when I say this is hard and I’m not always good at it (and I do this stuff for a living!). Keep at it, re-focus every day, and when your 2nd job—otherwise known as evening crazy town—is as ridiculous as it usually is, try laughing. It truly gets me through.