How To Get Back To Work After A Productivity Fail

Last week I broke all kinds of records in my business. It was impressive! I medaled in procrastination, laziness and even binge-watching. You're welcome, Netflix! I stared at a blank screen that taunted me into frustration and shame. Then, as the last hours of Friday afternoon ticked by, I reviewed my week's accomplishments and requested of the universe a do-over. Knowing that was not going to happen, I took a walk instead. While taking in the beauty of the trees in spring bloom and the familiar sites of my neighborhood, I took time to reflect on where it all fell down on what should have been a perfectly viable five-day stretch. 

Here's what I picked up on my wisdom walk that not only shook me out of my funk but also gave me the idea for this post—creative bonus! 

1. You dumped it, but that's ok.
It truly sucks when we brush up against our humanity. Just when we think we're changing the world, creating work that moves people, delivering projects on-time and on-budget, we fall. And it hurts. After my triple-medal week, I had to look at myself and say, "It was not your week. That makes you a human, not a bad human." Acknowledging your "failure" and going a step further to accept it, neutralizes the situation in a way that helps you move forward. It could even bring you into a moment that connects you with others, knowing that you can't be the only one who experiences productivity fails! 

2. Do something that brings you joy.
This is counter-intuitive. My first instinct was to punish myself and continue to stare at the blank screen while I dodged the barrage of self-directed insults. But, at my core, I'm all in on the "F it" approach to intuitive living. When something feels like a struggle, do what makes you happy and see what happens. While this method was not wholeheartedly appreciated by my loved ones during my high school years, my long-standing practice has served me well. When I set out for my walk, my senses were hungry. I took it all in and it was exactly the peace I was seeking. I was flooded with ideas and explanations that reconnected me to my path. 

3. What can you learn? 
Once I was in a more accepting place, I was able to turn my rough week into an opportunity to learn what works for me and what clearly DOES NOT. What was different this week that could have thrown me off my game? I was slowly getting over a head cold. I gave myself four days to heal and I was NOT budging after that. I had to get back to work, right? It was just a cold. Because I was sick, I also took a nearly ten-day break from exercise. This did not work for me! I needed my release for both my body and my mind. I would have changed the game for my week if I re-set expectations. If I admitted that I was still sick, rested more and walked instead of going for my run, I would have been able to at least move my body—rather than sparring with my blank screen. What was different for you and how can you turn your productivity-fail into the answers you need to keep you on track? 

Most importantly, for all of this to work you MUST believe you can get back at it with renewed fervor and momentum. You MUST deposit your unproductive week into a distant past and re-commit to the things you need to put in place in order to get back to work! I say this as I sit in my favorite writing coffee shop at my best writing time with my most effective caffeinated writing fuel. I threw everything I had at this morning so I could crush any lingering doubts. And that, my friends, is how it's done. 

What Happens When You Speak Your Truth?

Recently, I took a risk and switched my career-focused weekly article to something deeply personal. I honored the 31st anniversary of my parents' death in a piece called, The Importance of Anniversaries. There were many reasons for me NOT to post something that honest and revealing. A few I tossed around were:

"People will think I'm a mess."

"That's not what people want to hear from me."

"Over-share!" 

But, I was compelled to write it and driven to share it. I felt as if I was giving myself permission to finally speak my native tongue after years of only experiencing it in fleeting moments. 

I put it out there. I went for a run. And when I returned, something remarkable happened—an explosion of love and support and inspiration and hope. Family, friends—old and new, people with whom I lost touch for 20+ years, so many camp friends and total strangers reached out to me on every channel including my neighborhood streets to say the piece inspired them to heal in a new way or they now can better help a friend going through loss and—

"This is the thing you need to be writing and speaking about." 

Deep breathe. While I'm not going to switch gears completely, my eyes and ears were and are at attention to better understand what's happening here. I've stumbled upon, My Truth. It's that thing that when you talk or write about it, it sounds like the most real, raw, honest version of you. For a while now, I've noticed this phenomena when discussing women in leadership and those clues have prompted me to drive my business down that path. What I'm learning is that I may have more than one and each may last for a different window of time—but when you listen to your intuition and speak Your Truth, here's what happens:

You feel alive
When I wrote the piece about my parents, I became that kid again—the girl who lost them AND the girl who survived it. I was able to connect words and emotions that I often struggle to marry in my weekly writing. I was a vessel rather than a wrangler. Every cell in my being was in cahoots and planning the epic party that lived in my belly for days after the piece was completed. Even before I sent it out to the world, I knew it felt different to write—and that after writing it, I was different.

People wake up and listen
When you speak Your Truth—whether it's in writing or in person, your passion and your honesty work like a magnet to draw people in. They lift their heads up out of busy-ness and the noise of media inundation to better understand what it means to be human, to learn something both basic and powerful about their lives that was always there. This is what happened to me on that day when my phone exploded with the music of diverse and simultaneous mobile alerts—all in an effort to go beyond saying, "I'm sorry". They were saying, "I get it more than I ever have." 

If you haven't yet discovered Your Truth—don't fret. You can experiment with becoming aware of how it feels to talk about certain topics with friends, family and colleagues. When do you get impassioned and raw and excited and feel like you don't want the conversation to end? What are the conversations that draw others in and when do you naturally form connections? In discovering Your Truth, you can begin to explore a new career path, direction for your business or way to help the world with your gift. Know that in this search, you don't have to have all the answers. You simply need to be open to the questions. 

Looking for additional support? Schedule a complimentary Clarity Call with me at rachelbgarrett.com/coaching
 

Flexibility And Advancement Are Not Opposites

As I support more women in the throws of balancing teary morning school drop-offs with intense C-suite executive presentations and the dinner, homework, bedtime-pushback trifecta—it’s clear—flexibility is one ticket to keeping some semblance of sanity. But for the subset of women who love what they do, are loyal to their organization and are respected for their work, they often feel like the conversation around flexibility is the career kiss of death. This all or nothing mindset can lead them to keep pushing hard, ignoring the tug to spend more time with family, or completely give up on this seemingly un-ending, un-winnable race they’re running. They opt-out. Or they move to part-time schedules believing they’ve effectively put their careers into neutral. 

In her December 2016 Atlantic Monthly piece, “The Ambition Interviews”, Rebecca Rosen identified the women falling into these three groups as: High Achievers, Opt-outers and Scale-backers. In reading the article with my coffee one Friday morning, it dawned on me that our answers in learning more about the next phase of this conversation is within the experiences of this Scale-backer group. We have a lifetime of examples for how to be the hard-driving High Achiever group that staffs up with full-time plus help to make it work. We call those examples men. And on the flipside, women have been staying home or opting out of work since the beginning of women working. We know how that’s done. But it’s that middle group that we’re just figuring out. We don’t have clear role models or mentors for how to do this well without “burning the candle at both ends” as Rosen puts it.

Rosen states that the women in the Scale-backer group “… hadn’t lost their ambition; instead they’d changed the definition of the word. They saw that ambition takes many forms, only one of which is becoming CEO. While everyone may have started out with lofty career goals, many also had lofty personal goals; ambition doesn’t stay in a neatly contained career-goals-only box. Just as many of our classmates had previously aspired to be the best in their chosen field, they now wanted to be the best mother, the best partner, the best everything else.” 

While I see this to be true in some of my clients—with many others, I continue to see their ambition rub up against a resignation that flexibility removes the possibility of advancement—which is something for which they yearn. And it’s not about C-suite titles or recognition—it’s about involvement in strategic leadership decisions, building and mentoring teams and continued learning and growth opportunities. The question they ask is the one that’s currently on the table for organizational thinkers and leaders. 

Let’s stop asking how women can have it all. 

Instead ask, how can women continue to advance while maintaining flexibility and support? 

The answer, in a word is: Expertise. 

The women I’m describing have done incredible things. They’re attorneys creating unique ways to leverage the law to protect vulnerable populations. They’re award-winning social marketers. They’re IT professionals in male-dominated corporate cultures delivering top tier results. 

And yet they have temporary amnesia, resistance or just plain fear when it comes to promoting this expertise in their organizations—and leveraging it to gain both flexibility in a role and advancement opportunities. 

Developing a unique value at the organization and internally promoting the shit out of it, is currently your key to creating a happy union between flexibility and advancement in today’s workplace. 

I’m reading your mind right now. Why is this so hard? Why do you have to be an absolute rock star to go on a class trip without feeling like you’re running from the law? First, sadly many rock stars still have these feelings of guilt. But the truth is, my hope and life’s work is to be part of the change so that flexibility can be the rule and not the exception. 

Flexible workplace conversations are happening and employers are beginning to change expectations and support working parents—but change is slow to trickle down to most of the women in my circles. I believe it’s coming and will work toward that end—knowing how productive, engaged and excited my clients are about their careers when they get the space and support they need to succeed in both areas of their lives. 

For now, while we’re in this transitional moment in time, plant the seeds of your badassery often. Set boundaries early. Identify the three areas of flexibility that are most important to you (ie. family dinner 2x a week, doctors appointments, school drop-off 1-2x a week, etc.), and focus your message on those priorities. It’s up to all of us to stand up and advocate for the lives we want to live while the culture is changing around us. 
 

Give Feedback Like A Pro

During our family Passover Seder this year, my 9 and 6-year-old daughters took a break from the meal to play with their 4-year-old cousin in the living room of my in laws' home. The adults continued their conversation over the girls' chatter—until all of our ears perked up. With accurate detail, my older daughter provided her rapt 4 and 6-year-old audience with a description of the classic game—"Spin the Bottle." Clearly, we'd strayed slightly off topic from Moses freeing the Jews in Egypt. After our best wide-eyed emoji impressions, we discovered that she'd learned about this new and interesting topic from our quite mature, but human and flawed date-night babysitter. 

I knew I had to give our sitter some feedback in short order and it was not going to be the most comfortable moment for either of us. Root canal date, anyone? 

Effectively delivering feedback is one of the skills that separates the inspiring and motivating leaders from those who are simply managers. If it comes naturally to you, congratulations on being part of a very small group of feedback X-Men. For the rest of us, it takes tools and practice to feel like we're delivering a clear and useful message. Here's the approach I share with clients that will help you get your feedback practice up and running. 

1. Assume the best
Show up to your feedback conversation with the understanding that this is a smart, well-intentioned person who either made a mistake or could use some support in tweaking his/her approach. If you have some anger about the situation, work through it with a friend or expert before you have the conversation. If you lead with anger when giving feedback, you will prompt your receiver to jump straight to a defensive position—and little will be heard or effectively used to changed behavior. 

2. Believe they can succeed and let them know
Put your feedback in the context of your overarching relationship. For my sitter and me—I wanted her to know that I think she's doing a great job and that I trust her judgment with the girls. That's why I'm giving her the feedback. It's because she's good at what she does and I want to help her get better. The tone of the message is, "I'm telling you this because I care." 

3. Know why it's important to you
In order for feedback to stick beyond the incident in question, tie it back to a priority or value you hold dear. This will not only drive the point home for your receivers, but will also give them a sense of other areas in their roles that they should apply this same judgment call. By making it personal and relating it to something that's important to you, you're transforming this awkward moment into an opportunity to take a leap instead of a baby step in understanding each other better and deepening the relationship. 

4. Make it sound like you
Find your own voice. You can be tough and deliver a clear message without sounding like a drill sergeant. In fact, you will find it comforting in the conversation when you give yourself permission to lean on your strengths. If you're someone who uses humor to connect with people, find a way to bring that in. If you're a natural motivator, use that approach. The more honest and real you are when the message is delivered, the more open people will be to receiving it. 

The most important part of this framework is getting yourself out there to practice! You're not helping anyone (including yourself) when you're spiraling in your head (a very comfortable place for many of us). If you have a team and you want to begin your practice, I recommend starting with your star performers. Start with the folks with whom you know you have a good relationship and those who are already doing well—but like everyone they can continue to improve. You can even bring them in on the game. Let them know you're working on providing more feedback to members of the team and that they can let you know how it's working for them. By starting with some easy wins, you can walk into the more challenging feedback conversations with the confidence and calm of a well-prepared leader.