Life beyond the kids: Halloween Edition

Happy Halloweeeeeeen! If you love this holiday – I wish for you...

Zero costume malfunctions.
Generous sharing of the kids’ haul – especially on the Reese’s front.
And inspiration from all the creative costumes in your neighborhood.

If you’re not so into the spirit – I highly recommend you buy a bag of your favorite candy and indulge in a show you’ve been wanting to binge.

There’s room for all of us here on 10/31.

In our household, something hit us a little quicker that we expected. Our kids made their own plans in the neighborhood and they announced them one night at dinner.

My husband and I looked at each other like – well...what the hell are we doing?

Of course with the kids being 12 and 15, this is happening more often.

Yet, on days like Halloween the standard fare used to be – plan the costume for weeks, leave early from work, have an early quick dinner, get out in the hood on the least crowded routes and spend way too long counting and trading candy before dragging them to bed.

And now…gulp…we’re not so needed for the planning or any of it.

I try not to panic in these moments when I’m reminded the number of years my kids will live with us and be part of our daily lives is shrinking.

I have time to get used to the idea and the grief that comes along with it. Their growing independence simultaneously fills me with pride and strikes like a ticking clock. The loud kind.

What makes me feel better is thinking 1) Even with distance, we can still be close and 2) There are a lot of meaningful projects I will have time to pull off (I mean…how about that book I’ve been threatening to write for – well – my whole life. The one that continues to not write itself?!).

In my work, I see many women in mid-life and while it’s hard for all of you with kids under 5 to believe this will ever happen – you get a lot more bandwidth as the years go on and the kids grow up.

Part of the work is planning on how to spend that time in a meaningful way that aligns with your values and makes use of your superpowers. It’s about learning all of the things you’ve wanted to learn – just because you want to learn them and not because you have to justify it’s more important than meal prep for the week.

So on this day, my husband and I decided we will put our dog Taco in his taco costume (as we’ve done for the past couple of years) and take a spin around our beloved neighborhood that ALWAYS brings their A game on Halloween.

Sidenote – every time someone recognizes our pup’s costume and yells - “A TACO!!”, he howls back and wags his tail like crazy as if to say - ”They know me!!!”

So we know it will bring us joy. And we still have the precious time to debrief with the kids at the end of the night.

What’s important to me and what I share with clients is that you can be both present in these years and plant the seeds for later.

The push I didn't know I needed

Nearly 20 years ago, I was in a digital marketing role working for a CMO I affectionately call my GOAT boss.

I pulled together a presentation showcasing the new company website – a project I was leading – so that she could share it with the CEO.

Her response to the website and the deck, “Great work! The meeting is at 3 and you’re going to present.”

I froze.

I hadn’t done the days of preparation for this meeting I would typically do for anything I would consider “high stakes.”

All the excuses rose to meet my fear. And even though I had been asking for more opportunities to lead my own projects and for more visibility with senior leaders – when my big shot was right in front of me – I wanted NOTHING to do with seizing the day.

I told her I wasn’t ready and I asked her to present the work.

She smiled and calmly spoke with a direct line to my gripping perfectionism.

She deployed what I now think of as - The Compassionate Nudge.

“This is your great work that needs to be recognized. You should be the one to share it and get the credit for it. I know you haven’t prepared, but you know your stuff, you can do this and I will be right there if you need me to jump in.”

Gulp.

When someone you respect and admire swaddles you in a blanket of belief, the only option is to expand and begin to believe it yourself.

And so I did.

The presentation was both imperfect and well received. I moved through my fear and was a little bit more confident and even ready for the next opportunity to present itself.

I wish I could say this fear and the residual perfectionism completely goes away.

Yet, when I shared this story with nearly 800 people in my last corporate keynote, I was reminded how far I’ve come and that I need to continue to surround myself with people who will practice The Compassionate Nudge with me.

So my fear can be met with love and self belief and proof to others that expansion is possible.

I’m worthy of sharing my work, my gifts and my voice.

And I’m here to Compassionately Nudge you to be and do the same.

Grieving with You

This week has been hard.

For me. For you. For a world divided, watching humans die and suffer without a quick answer for a way to make it stop.

As a Jew, a mom, and still the child who lost her parents tragically and without warning – hearing the horrific details of this massacre of innocent lives – I’ve been frozen and numb and without words since Saturday.

Yet, also as a Progressive Reform Jew, I’m part of a community that has a deep, spiritual connection to Israel and also fights for peace and empathy and justice for Jews and Palestinian people in this holy land and beyond.

In my opinion, the complexities of this moment make it exactly the wrong debate to have on social media. The nuance, the dualities I’m holding can not fit, nor do they belong on a meme. And so I won’t be engaging in that conversation on the socials.

But here in this community we’ve built, where I can take some time and space to say the hard things, even when we don’t agree on every point – it feels important to share where I’m at.

I don’t have any answers and I’m not an expert on this topic so I will never claim to be.

I do have the heaviest heart and grieve the losses with you.

I do wish I could hug those babies who lost their parents and say – you don’t deserve this. This is not your fault. You didn’t “have it coming.”

For those of you who feel more scared to walk through your lives as a Jew than you did last Friday, sadly, I share that fear with you.

And for those of you who are saying – I’m going to continue to live my life and not show them any fear – I want to continue to learn from you.

Thank you to the beautiful people in my life who are not Jewish and reached out to me this week to check in. I appreciated those notes and love and prayers more than you know.

I will continue to support you in your career journeys in this newsletter next week and do my own work and take my own action in this crisis more privately.

I encourage you to take your own time to share your words and your feelings. You are taking time to process and to do your best – in your own way.

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