Buh Bye Diet Culture, Hello Self-Compassion

As I've been mentioning in previous newsletters, I’m in the process of healing some childhood wounds around body shame and a lifetime of normalized food restriction egged on by the $72 billion diet industry and my well meaning, but misguided, parents.

On a personal level – my goal is to break this cycle in my family AND give fewer (if any) fucks by the time I hit 50 about how close I am to the manufactured thin ideal.

I’m walking straight into the fire on the path toward accepting my genetically predetermined body size and learning to trust myself when it comes to desire – with food and beyond.

On a macro level, I’m beginning to see the impacts of diet culture on women’s careers.

How we spend endless amounts of time planning and counting and tracking and dialoguing with our internalized rules instead of creating and innovating and advocating for our place at the table. Or building a new fucking table.

How we hunger for influence and joy and agency, but accept rice cake crumbs and pretend we are satisfied.

There’s so much to share about how this Anti-diet and Body Liberation work intersects with my own mission of helping women design careers on their own terms.

New ways to think about organizational cultures, inclusive spaces, setting boundaries in relationships, plus corporate wellness programs !

And, of course, it’s me so there are PODCASTS. So many podcasts.

All the ideas are percolating.

Yet, for now, I’m still in the messy middle of working through my thoughts and feelings. My grief and all of the hard truths I’ve been avoiding by distracting myself with diets and "wellness" as it’s now called (same restrictive rules, new marketing).

Getting back to the title of this post, I promise that today, I did set out to write about self-compassion. As it turns out…I did.

I sat down and let my fingers type out the words my body wanted to share. I trusted this was the message that needed to come through – ready or not.

I honored my desire to tell the truth. To be who I am and who I continue to become.

So yes, self-compassion FTW.

I’m here for you and your connection to your desires. I’m grateful we’re in community to chip, chip, chip away at the Patriarchy with its goal to keep us small and without energy to fight back.

Light lift projects can have a big impact

In this intense end of school year month (see last week’s post for acknowledgement and validation of your power parenting efforts), I find myself with less than my normal energy.

To put it simply…I’m damn tired.

So when I was working with my Online Business Manager to plan for the next few months – I noticed I kept saying the same phrase to describe projects that got the green light...

"Yes, I like it. It sounds like a light lift.”

This isn’t my season to shoulder heavy tasks that require deep thinking, focus and intensity.

As I learned from last summer, it’s a season for me to take extra time for myself and connect with people I love. To see theater and take in all of the arts New York City has to offer. It’s a time for me to receive inspiration and to refuel.

It’s my time to rest. Contrary to what our hustley, productivity-obsessed culture will have you believe, rest is an essential part of how I find meaning, creativity, flow and financial success in my business.

The beauty in the handful of light lift projects I’m working on is that they will make a BIG impact for the people in my community.

Some on the list are:

• Opening up my monthly Office Hours sessions to everyone for free - even for those who haven’t yet worked with me. (Learn more about that here!)

• Creating a Self Study version of my Career Command Framework - currently in soft launch if you want to check it out.

• Building in more ways for my current and former clients to connect with each other.

This insight comes as a reminder that work doesn’t have to be hard or a struggle to be meaningful or important.

Rest is radical and it’s something I want to model for my kids.

So, while June will be intense until the very last day of the month, I know relief and recharge are coming.

I’m excited to share more about my “light lift, big impact” projects as they are ready and I encourage you to think about what yours will be.

What can you do that feels easy, energizing AND ALSO important?

Surviving the end of school year chaos

Emails, permission slips, volunteer requests, fundraisers, performances, parties, picnics, dances, field days, spirit days, random mid-week holidays...

Every day of the last month of the school year is overflowing with all of these things and more that I’m too tired to remember.

Each year as this cluster of a month creeps up on me, I start to feel a panic about how I’m going to get it all done.

Then comes the calm when I realize: I won’t. And that’s ok.

I sit down with my husband and kids and say – what’s most important here? And what can we opt out of because it’s less important to all of us?

We just decided we’re going to skip the middle school fundraiser. We bought the tickets so we contributed and I donated my services to the auction, but we don’t need to go.

Because alternatively – we are seeing the middle school musical…THREE times.

Where – as a busy working parent – can you simplify?

What can you say to yourself when you feel the guilt?

What can you do to repair your relationship with your kid when you inevitably mess one (or more) of these things up?

Is it just me or has any other mom brought their kid to a birthday party a week early?

As much as you can get ahead of it, I recommend you do. And then simply have compassion for yourself when it doesn’t all go according to plan.

Well, I’ll surely see some of you at all the things in the next month or I won’t because I need a break.

We’re in the homestretch, people!

Let’s get us all over the finish line.

Why I take "Grief Days" off

Part of the work of building my business is living my values and using them to be my best boss ever. 

It’s honoring my energy and my mental health. 

It’s acknowledging the tremendous losses I’ve faced throughout my life and knowing that I will never be finished with that healing. 

They teach me. They guide me. They hold me back. They propel me. 

And sometimes they become me. 

Tending to the grieving part of me is an ongoing practice I honor in order to live a full, rich life. 

May 16, 2023 marked 37 years since my earliest and most life-changing loss – the death of both my parents in a car accident. I was nearly 12 when it happened. 

I never know how I’m going to feel on the actual day. Some anniversaries have simply rolled along without a tear. Others kept me under the covers for days.  

This year, as I’ve done for the past couple of years, I took the day off. Even when I wasn’t feeling the emotion coming on. Even when I had upcoming workshop preparation and writing to complete. 

I took a Grief Day. 

I gave myself permission to go at my own pace. 

To do just what I wanted to do. 

To not do anything that felt hard. 

I didn’t post old photos on social media as I’ve done in the past. 

I needed quiet. 

Space to be. 

An invitation for the feelings and memories to come through if they decided to do so. 

And a cushiony rest if they didn’t. 

No pressure for meaning or to do grief right. 

Oh, how we judge ourselves for things that are already hard. 

It was the hug of time and space. 

And all that I needed. 

Thanks to my boss who is often thinking about what I need to do my best–and for acknowledging that grief is part of life. 

As we wrap up Mental Health Awareness month, if it feels safe in your organization and your role, I invite you to normalize talking about grief, supporting ourselves and others through it.