Why I take "Grief Days" off

Part of the work of building my business is living my values and using them to be my best boss ever. 

It’s honoring my energy and my mental health. 

It’s acknowledging the tremendous losses I’ve faced throughout my life and knowing that I will never be finished with that healing. 

They teach me. They guide me. They hold me back. They propel me. 

And sometimes they become me. 

Tending to the grieving part of me is an ongoing practice I honor in order to live a full, rich life. 

May 16, 2023 marked 37 years since my earliest and most life-changing loss – the death of both my parents in a car accident. I was nearly 12 when it happened. 

I never know how I’m going to feel on the actual day. Some anniversaries have simply rolled along without a tear. Others kept me under the covers for days.  

This year, as I’ve done for the past couple of years, I took the day off. Even when I wasn’t feeling the emotion coming on. Even when I had upcoming workshop preparation and writing to complete. 

I took a Grief Day. 

I gave myself permission to go at my own pace. 

To do just what I wanted to do. 

To not do anything that felt hard. 

I didn’t post old photos on social media as I’ve done in the past. 

I needed quiet. 

Space to be. 

An invitation for the feelings and memories to come through if they decided to do so. 

And a cushiony rest if they didn’t. 

No pressure for meaning or to do grief right. 

Oh, how we judge ourselves for things that are already hard. 

It was the hug of time and space. 

And all that I needed. 

Thanks to my boss who is often thinking about what I need to do my best–and for acknowledging that grief is part of life. 

As we wrap up Mental Health Awareness month, if it feels safe in your organization and your role, I invite you to normalize talking about grief, supporting ourselves and others through it.

Careers are twisty...and thats a good thing!

You may recall, I love to bust all the bogus career myths out there. Here are two that are ripe for the shredding...

Careers are linear.

And also…

If I switch careers, it means I failed at the first career.

Uh...nope and nope.

According to industry estimates, Americans will have an average of 5 to 7 careers in their lifetime and 12 jobs.*

Yes, that means a lot of disparate parts and dots to connect when you tell your career narrative.

And also – it brings together a wealth of diverse skills and expertise that make you UNIQUELY you.

So the next time you ignore the nudge for something new and double down on the belief that leaving is failing – honor your instincts with some time and space to think through what is truly holding you back.

Remember, most careers are twisty. That’s how we flex and grow and find new joy in our work.

If you’re ready to explore a change, sign up for a 30-minute complimentary clarity call OR join me tomorrow night for my workshop with Park Slope Parents - Growing A Meaningful Career--On Your Terms.

There’s still room for you and your career desires.

* U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics of the Department of Labor tracks job change data, but the data is less precise when it comes to what is actually considered a career change. Therefore, the career change estimate was drawn from several career support industry websites - Zippia, GoRemotely, Career Advice Online.

It doesn't need to be your dream job

As you may know, I offer a complimentary 30-minute zoom call for those who reach out and want to learn more about me and my coaching program. 

Oftentimes in these conversations, we uncover some of the shame that’s holding people back from taking a next step. 

It can be “mistakes” or “failures” from the past that are showing up as fear. 

And sometimes it’s the skyscraper height expectations to have it all figured out by this [INSERT ANY ARBITRARY NUMBER] age. 

It can sound like, “I don’t even know what my dream job would be.” 

Deep breath. 

Please accept my invitation to release yourself from the idea that there even is a dream job out there. 

That’s a lot of pressure to put on a job. Of course you’re going to be hesitant to take any action. 

The lightning bolt epiphany delivery system has not run its course and you’re still in uncertainty. 

Great reason to remain stuck, lost and playing it safe. 

Your next role DOES NOT need to be your dream job for it to feel meaningful or successful or the right next step at the right moment in your life. 

Once you take the dream job idea off the table, the questions you can ask yourself are…

What am I curious about?

What do I want to learn?

Where can I make an impact that’s important to me? 

What feels fun and energizing right now? 

Who would pay me good money to do what I do best? 

When you walk through life with an openness to finding clues about what could be next and where you can experiment, you’re more likely to make the connections that will help you get into action. 

As someone who has what some might describe as “the dream job”, I can assure you, while it’s wonderful – it’s not all unicorns and rainbows. There are shitty things I need to do as part of my work. There are moments when it is really damn hard. 

And I know for certain – I would never have made it here if I thought I was signing up for the dream job. I said I would try it out for a while and see what happened. I started coaching while I was in my marketing role and remained there for 1.5 years while I experimented. That took the pressure off and allowed me to get into action while keeping expectations measured. 

Let’s talk so we can help you walk away from the dream job idea that’s keeping you stuck and begin following your curiosity with a baby step that’s actually a really big deal. 

Finding hidden networking opportunities

A couple of weeks ago, my family and I went to New Orleans for spring break. Can I get an amen for vacation?!

Outside of the memorable food, music and alligators–our family of lifelong New Yorkers was struck by the friendliness and openness of all the people we met–even in the briefest of conversations. 

One of these exchanges was with the easygoing thirty year old who drove us from the airport to our hotel. In addition to telling us about all the off the beaten path spots we should hit on our trip, he shared that he had been slowly paying his way through college to become an engineer and would be graduating this coming May. 

He announced that he would be heading to Detroit to start his dream job at a top American Automaker right after graduation. How did he get this role? 

Well–he used his driving job (that has been also paying his college tuition) as a way to constantly be networking. After years of talking to anyone and everyone who came through his car, he happened upon four lucky days last year, when he drove around the CEO of this car company. They got to know each other–and like each other. Several interviews later, this open, curious and SMART car-lover has a plan for his next exciting adventure! 

As you can imagine, I couldn’t shake this story the entire vacation. 

Many of my clients really struggle with networking. They fear asking people for help. Going outside of their comfort zones. 
Yet sometimes, all you need to do is talk and get interested in the people who are already around you. They may even be the people who are in your comfort zone. 

They’re friends of friends that you meet at a small gathering. 

They are the other parents at school drop offs and birthday parties. 

They are the people on line waiting for Beignets at Cafe Du Monde. 

For my fellow New Yorkers, I get it. Our hard, closed off shell is part of our charm. But, if you can channel your inner New Orleans curiosity just a smidge, you may meet the CEO of your future company. I’m here to say…it does happen!