Finding hidden networking opportunities

A couple of weeks ago, my family and I went to New Orleans for spring break. Can I get an amen for vacation?!

Outside of the memorable food, music and alligators–our family of lifelong New Yorkers was struck by the friendliness and openness of all the people we met–even in the briefest of conversations. 

One of these exchanges was with the easygoing thirty year old who drove us from the airport to our hotel. In addition to telling us about all the off the beaten path spots we should hit on our trip, he shared that he had been slowly paying his way through college to become an engineer and would be graduating this coming May. 

He announced that he would be heading to Detroit to start his dream job at a top American Automaker right after graduation. How did he get this role? 

Well–he used his driving job (that has been also paying his college tuition) as a way to constantly be networking. After years of talking to anyone and everyone who came through his car, he happened upon four lucky days last year, when he drove around the CEO of this car company. They got to know each other–and like each other. Several interviews later, this open, curious and SMART car-lover has a plan for his next exciting adventure! 

As you can imagine, I couldn’t shake this story the entire vacation. 

Many of my clients really struggle with networking. They fear asking people for help. Going outside of their comfort zones. 
Yet sometimes, all you need to do is talk and get interested in the people who are already around you. They may even be the people who are in your comfort zone. 

They’re friends of friends that you meet at a small gathering. 

They are the other parents at school drop offs and birthday parties. 

They are the people on line waiting for Beignets at Cafe Du Monde. 

For my fellow New Yorkers, I get it. Our hard, closed off shell is part of our charm. But, if you can channel your inner New Orleans curiosity just a smidge, you may meet the CEO of your future company. I’m here to say…it does happen!

My Latest Podcast Roundup

Every time I mention that NYC in spring is my happy place, my friends with allergies give me a look of horror. So, respect and compassion for those of you who are suffering right now. The beauty and the beast of being in nature in this moment is one of those reminders that both things can be true. 

On my daily walks in Prospect Park, when I’m not chatting with a buddy, I’m listening to another group of close friends, advocates and guides. Yeah, well, they don’t know me, but I do find them to be heart-filling walking companions. 

You know I love to share my picks for mind-expanding podcast episodes…so here are some from the last few months. Put them on your listening list and let me know what you think! 

The Ezra Klein Show: The Quiet Catastrophe Brewing in Our Social Lives

This conversation powerfully pulled together the threads of so many challenges of our time. Pervasive loneliness. The unworkability of the nuclear family. The deprioritization of friendships and leisure time. It puts into words why making the tough choice to pursue city life for the long haul has been the right one for me. As someone who struggled with isolation and depression in early life, I know I’m a better human when I’m with my people. A lot of them. And this deep dive offers many ideas that may have been behind that gut instinct. 

Maintenance Phase: Doctors Have A New Plan For Fat Kids

If you’re as angry as I am about the recent release of the new (horrific) American Academy of Pediatrics Guidelines around “obesity” in children–recommending restriction and counseling for kids as young as 2, medication for tweens and (WTAF) Bariatric Surgery for kids as young as 13–please, listen to this incredibly thoughtful breakdown of the guidelines and who they serve by Fat Activist, Aubrey Gordon and her co-host Michael Hobbes. 

Full Plate: Body Shame and the Whiteness of Wellness with Jessica Wilson

In the background of my work, I’ve been breaking up with diet and wellness culture. More on this in a future newsletter. Abbie Attwood’s podcast, Full Plate, has been one of the important resources for me in this journey. This episode with Jessica Wilson, RD was an incredible shift in the conversation around how anti-fatness, diet and wellness culture intersect with white supremacy. As I came to see my own participation in diet and wellness culture as upholding oppressive systems–it was the final nail in the coffin leading me to my own unlearning. Highly recommend Jessica’s book, It’s Always Been Ours, I listened to the audiobook in a day. Incredible and juicy storytelling. (Imagine an entire chapter about a GOOP conference!) 

Wiser Than Me: Julia Gets Wise With Jane Fonda

Where are the voices of older, wise women? That was exactly the question Julia Louis Dreyfus asked after watching a recent Jane Fonda documentary. So she decided to create a new podcast where she interviews women over 70. And I’m so glad she did! I love being reminded of how this older generation of women paved the way for so much of the activism we’re a part of now . While there’s still A LONG way to go to get to equity their stories bring to light how far we’ve come. 

Armchair Expert with Dax Shepherd: Rick Rubin

Full transparency–this is one of three interviews I’ve listened to with Rick Rubin after the release of his book (which I’m now reading and loving): The Creative Act: A Way of Being. The book title says it all about Rick (we’re tight now). Curiosity, openness, awareness, availability, playfulness–they are a way of being for him and it completely makes sense how he–as a music producer–can jump to every single genre there is–and find something to like, to love and create. Some of his philosophy harkens back to one of my favorite books about creativity, Liz Gilbert’s Big Magic. Somehow, I feel protective of Liz and want to give her credit for getting there first (again–she and I are for sure friends in an alternate universe), but when I back down from my mama bear-ness, I want to continue to swim in the world that both of these brilliant thinkers depict where creativity is about openness, readiness and opportunity that EVERY human has to notice cool stuff in the world. 

There were so many more shows that didn’t make the list so if you’re hungry for more audio content, hit me up for suggestions! 

Happy listening and transforming everyone! 

When we forget to choose ourselves

Last month, on a Tuesday, I had a scary morning. 

I came in from the (very short) morning walk with my dog, was about to prepare breakfast for myself and I took a sip of water. I felt some pain while drinking. Head rush. Grabbed the wall. 

The next thing I remember, I was sitting on my kitchen floor in a pool of spilled water, with my 14 year old daughter, Jane, asking me, “Are you ok? Do you know that you fell?” 

I came to… in shock, surprised to be sitting. Surprised to have no memory of what just happened. 

Jane led me to the couch where I slowly came back to myself. 

For the next hour, I started every sentence with, “I’m fine.” Which is pretty weird when you’re asking someone what they want for lunch. 

My plan: move through the day as if nothing happened. I mean. I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m fine. 

I had several important meetings including kicking off a new group I’m leading with 11 accomplished and talented women. 

I decided to reach out to my doctor more for “a heads up” and for validation of my decision to forge forward with these mission critical meetings. 

That’s not what I got. 

She urged me to go to the ER to be checked out. The fact that I lost consciousness for a bit and that this had never happened before was enough for her to be concerned. 

My gut reaction: this is overkill and I don’t have time for this today. 

I called my brother in law who is an MD. Again, his response was the same. This is serious and you need to be seen. 

The seriousness of all the medical people started  to get me spooked, but I still felt a complete, full body resistance to walking away from my commitments. 

Then finally my neighbor and close friend gave me the reality check and tough talk I needed. 

Everyone will understand. You need to make yourself a priority. This is the most important thing right now. 

I canceled everything. 

Every single person on the other end showed up with compassion and warmth and understanding that I was doing the right thing. 

My friend walked me the two blocks to the hospital and the whole experience took 3 hours (happily several hours shorter than I imagined). 

And I was ok. A vasovagal response to the pain while drinking the water. That’s fancy medical terms for fainting. 

As I rested the rest of the day and evening, I didn’t shame the part of me that wanted to push through. That’s the culture we live in. I’m sure I’m not alone in this response and I want to believe that next time I will make a different choice as soon as something comes up. 

What I have been thinking about the most are my people. If you know you’re someone who will just push through–surround yourself with people who will not allow it. Who will help you choose yourself. 

From my family, to my friends to my business partners–everyone guided me and cleared the path for me to show up for myself. And I walked away both grateful and knowing of the kind of family, friend and business partner I want to show up to be. 

The Mindset to Cultivate for The Job Search

At the beginning of my work with each private coaching client, we discuss how they want their entire life to look – so we can fit the right kind of career into that life.

We talk values – in essence they create a personal compass to finding a path that’s on their terms.

AND…I share the mindset shifting tools they will need to keep their mental health intact during this exercise in resilience building we call...the job search process.

Job searchers who gain momentum quickly appear to have these things in common:

• They are having many proactive networking conversations.

• They are experimenting with multiple paths.

• They are applying to and interviewing for multiple opportunities at one time.

• When they don’t get the role, they focus on the fact that it was not a fit and they move on.

• They do their best to get invested enough to interview well without falling in love.

• They cultivate a detached optimism that avoids the lowest of lows and highest of highs.

• They maintain a steady, calm presence.

• They believe it’s possible.

If that’s you, great – you’re on your way.

If that’s not you, I see you and I can assure you, you’re not alone.

You care. You’re working your ass off. This is a top priority for you. I get it.

I'm here to tell you: your results mean nothing about your WORTH. As an employee. As a human.

I work with clients to remind themselves of their worth before and after job search activities in small and impactful ways. For example:

Before an interview…

They use visualization and proactive mantras that remind them of who they are, regardless of whether or not they get the job.

After an interview…

They take time for a compassionate debrief where they notice their wins, some areas to tighten up for the next interview – and remember – they will be ok no matter what.

As with all personal and professional development, cultivating this detached optimism mindset is a practice, and you will not get there 100% of the time. That said, I know when clients see growth in this area – many of the tactical components of the search seem to naturally come together.