My 3 Truths About Transitions

Most of the women in my Career Command Membership, 1:1 coaching programs and in my community in general are in a spectrum of career transitions. They range from feeling the tug that they should do something different to actively working a job search to returning to careers after taking time to care for families.

When I dive into conversations with them, there’s one feeling that comes up again and again.

Shame.

They think:

I should be farther along by this point in my life and career.

There’s something wrong with me for not having “the answer” yet.

Everybody else has found their own perfect path.

I’m defective because I can’t make my current path work.

When in reality, they’re on the edge of discovering their power.

Change is the stand you take for yourself. The acknowledgment that you are worth having something different. The thing you truly want.

Here are the 3 Truths About Transitions I share with clients so they can move out of the shame that is keeping them stuck and into the possibilities that are waiting for them.

1. Every single fulfilling career includes transitions.
It’s as simple as that. Change is a constant variable in life so it makes sense that careers would be rife with twists and turns to match it. Having a fulfilling career does not mean every moment is fun or easy. Careers that feel true to who you are, include taking risks, figuring out the hard parts, learning, growing, and building the resilience skills to weather the next change. Because it will be upon you before you know it!

2. Your transition means you are advocating for yourself (if you make it mean that.)
Whether you chose this transition or you’re reacting to a life moment, this is your opportunity to ask yourself, “What do I want?” It’s your time to resist the traditional formulas we are sold that promise success if we remain on one path. You can share this moment with confidence and pride in the agency you have over your life, or you can stay in shame. The story you tell about your transition is your choice.

3. Most (and not all) of your people will support you during your transition.
Some of your people will support you in your transition and some won’t. A few of the people who don’t support you are not actually your people. Recognize that and act accordingly. While others who don’t support you truly do love you but can’t get around their own fear. There’s no need to cut them out completely but know that you don’t need to share the updates on your transition with these people. Conversely, you MUST talk to your advocates, your supporters, your ride or die people through this moment. You need them and the more you can share with them, the more they can help you!

When you’re living these truths during a moment of change, know that the quickest way out of shame is seeing for yourself that you are not alone. The women in my Career Command Membership are floored when they realize—wow—all of these ambitious, inspiring women are going through what I am, and I would NEVER think the things about them that I’m currently thinking about myself. Choose power during this change and find the people who will help you continue to fuel it in yourself.

Choosing Rest when the Spin Cycle of Life Happens

April and May came in and rattled me around like a hurricane.

I launched a membership I’d been nurturing for months.

My Uncle Ray, for whom I’d been caring for four years, finally succumbed to his multiple diseases, and left our world.

My 13-year-old daughter celebrated a zoom Bat Mitzvah in which she read the Torah powerfully in the presence of 200+ people who love and support her.

We packed up our home and left for (what we hope will be) a month of repairs.

I observed the 35th anniversary of my parents’ tragic car accident. I was nearly 12 when they passed.

As I closed out this season of life happening all at once, I was tired. I reminded myself that it’s not always like this. Though when you’re in one of these spin cycles it’s easy to think this is simply the new pace. I must learn to adjust. I must armor up and be ready.

Instead of believing those thoughts, I actively chose to disrupt the speed and the busyness and the need to figure out all of my next moves.

I chose rest.

I chose quiet.

I chose compassion.

I chose grace.

I chose to sit in uncertainty just a little while longer knowing that I didn’t need to have all the answers.

Practically speaking, that means pushing off a funeral for Uncle Ray until we are ready in the summer or fall.

It means growing my Career Command membership slowly so I can truly take in the power and meaning and magic that lives within the community I’ve built.

It means continuing to create the kind of family where both at once I’m proud of the stable, inclusive and loving home I offer up to my kids AND also I’m sad for my inner 12-year-old who didn’t have those things. How beautiful that the joy in the family I’ve created has offered a direct path to my own healing that still longs to happen.

Part of the healing is knowing I don’t need to be fixed. I need to be loved. That is a practice I can offer myself with the people I choose, the life I design, the communities I serve and the honesty of my words.

What We've Learned A Year Later

Around the dinner table last night, instead of doing our ritual gratitude reflection, we shared the lessons we’ve learned over the past year, a year unlike any of us have lived through before.

"There is no normal." Shared my nine-year old daughter. "What we thought was normal before, like in-person school every day, now doesn’t feel normal. Even the words…in-person school. I mean…we used to say school!"

"It’s less about what I’ve learned and more about who I’ve become." exclaimed my 12-year-old. "I can do hard things. I can deal with SO. MUCH. CHANGE.

They truly set the tone for our evening and the lessons kept flowing into the night. Here are some others that stood out for us:

1. We are now even more committed to making our schools, work and communities more inclusive and equitable.

2. We often take our physical health for granted…and when it’s gone, there’s truly nothing else.

3. While there’s a lot we miss, we have enjoyed spending more time doing less.

4. We were never in control, even though we thought we were.

5. We all really like each other. How lucky are we??

As we hit this one-year mark, I encourage you all to gather with your people (in a covid-safe way, of course), and share, document and acknowledge what’s come out of this time for you. Feel free to ask yourself the following questions:

1. What lessons have I learned in this unique year?

2. What do I want to remember about this time?

3. What do these lessons mean for who I will BE now and in the future?

4. How do I want to remind myself of these lessons if they begin to fade?

After you spend some time with these questions, I’d love to hear your insights. Feel free add comments, below, to let me know what’s come up for you.

5 Reasons to Love Zoom Interviews

We’re coming up on a year of living and planning our lives during Covid. There are signs that the economy is improving. Many organizations have moved out of uncertainty and have put firmer plans in place for the year ahead. My clients are finding several roles that interest them and better yet—they’re breaking through to secure interviews.

To my surprise, I’m hearing a common refrain among them. "I like a Zoom interview!" I’ve added this to my running list of unexpected Covid silver linings. Along with my daughter’s upcoming Zoom Bat Mitzvah. That’s between us, of course.

If you’ve been flummoxed by the idea of job searching and interviewing during Covid, here’s your glass half full perspective.

1. Travel challenges are no longer a variable. There’s no mapping out your route, wondering if there will be traffic or train trouble. That element and level of planning is completely removed, so you can spend more time actually prepping for the interview.

2. Seeing yourself helps you avoid bad habits. Goodbye slouching, touching your face, fixing your hair or whatever your body does when nervous. While I wouldn’t look at yourself the entire interview, I would check in on your video to see how you’re presenting yourself a few times throughout your meeting.

3. You can stand. If you have a standing desk or high counter where you can take the call, it can be a game-changer for you. When you are standing, you are more likely to keep your energy high. I always recommend standing for interviews that are on the phone and if you are doing many interviews for a search, you may want to look into one of the trays that can create a standing option for your everyday desk.

4. Video peek into the lives of potential colleagues. You should do your best to guard your time and space for the interview. Ideally you want to create a calm and clutter free setting. That said, I’m hearing stories about interviewers with quirky and fun backgrounds or a child who comes in for a hug. This time in which the walls of perfection have come down some can give you a sense of the personality, culture and priorities of the organization.

5. Your notes are off camera. I often tell my clients to write the word "pause" on a post-it that hangs above their laptops during the interview. Our tendency to go on and on can prove challenging when we are nervous. So, this simple off-camera reminder can keep you on-track. Sometimes, it is accompanied by an intention set for the interview like, "Be curious." Or "Learn more about the company." Or even, "Practice interview skills!"

Whether you’re grateful for this shift in the job hunt or you’re dreading it, remember with practice you can nail a zoom interview just as you would have the in-person version. Speaking of practice, you can do this on a zoom meeting by yourself so you get a sense of how you look saying your elevator pitch and answering certain questions that may be tricky for you. Like it or not, this practice may be here to stay in some form—so building your skills during your search right now will be critical in your career in the longer term.