Grief In The Time Of COVID

Spring is my grieving season.

The anniversary of my parent’s car accident is May 16th, marking 34 years since they passed. That date is flanked by Mothers’ and Fathers’ Day; and in the past five years, I’ve added two more significant losses to a one-month span between April and May. Amidst the rebirth of spring blossoms, I’m often moving between the dull ache of longing for the memories I want to hold on to, and the anger for those I will never have.

And that’s just spring status quo.

Currently, grief is all around us. We’re mourning the loss of life as we knew it. Emotions are heightened and yet my usual process for moving through them has been upended. 

There’s no hugging friends or gathering with people who knew and loved my mom and dad.

There’s no feeling the energy, the empathy, and the compassion from the group of motherless mothers with whom I meet monthly at a local wine bar, with a full glass of happy-hour-white in hand.

Without my time-tested ways to move forward while my senses are absorbing a new level of noise, somehow the people I’ve loved and lost feel distant. My connection to them is dampened. My memory is cloudy.

Lucky for me, creativity struck when I asked myself, “How can I acknowledge both the new grief of life in the pandemic and find my people again?” The answer came in a place I often find my flow: writing. But this time, not with a blog post or a journal entry. Writing in the form of an old-fashioned letter.

Pen to pretty piece of stationary, I’ve been writing each of my lost loves a letter about what this time is like, what I miss most about them right now, what I need from them, and my thoughts as to why they may have been spared living in 2020.

I write through tears and occasional smiles. I’ve found each letter to be a visit. An invitation for us to stand in a new memory together, even for just a few minutes. The details of this new connection flood my mind, followed by the old memories I thought I lost.

In this new budding practice, I am learning that there will be times so fraught, complex—and even identity-shifting—that talking about my parents and others I’ve lost is not enough to be with them. In times like these, I need to set up a direct line, with focus, attention, and presence. To bring them into my world—through words—even though this moment will never truly be part of any of our lives.

When the Professional Becomes Personal

When I start working with new clients, I ask them to choose their top five values and then define what those values mean to them.

Inevitably, a third of clients ask, "Should I choose my professional values or my personal values?"

This a moment where I smile, pause and lean into curiosity. "What do you think?"

After 30 seconds or so of quiet, the insight lands on them like a cozy sweater. They smile back. "Ah, they’re the same, aren’t they?"

Yes, exactly.

This is one of the most powerful keys to unlocking a meaningful career: defining what is most important to you and then using it to build a bridge between the professional and the personal.

Right now, in the face of the pandemic I am bearing witness to widespread acceptance of this truth—rather than the typical instinct to fight it, to compartmentalize, to play the role we think others expect of us.

For me it looks like:

Joining a group of coaches, each with our own businesses in a weekly meeting to provide space for each other. Our emotions. Our fears. Our silver linings.

Opening my corporate leadership trainings with a quote about the grief we are collectively feeling right now. Naming it. Giving permission to go there. Being in it.

And for my clients it is:

Choosing vulnerable leadership. Scheduling team meetings where the agenda is, How are we doing?

Encouraging employees to take their days off, even when they know they will not be leaving their homes.

If you’re a leader, take note that we are in an identity-shifting moment where ignoring the personal will be received and called out as callous, apathetic and tone deaf. Even if it has not been your style in the past, dig deep and find a way to see and hear people fully. Be gentle and compassionate. And not just with others. Also with yourself.

How To Write Your Pandemic Elevator Pitch

As one might imagine, I’ve been supporting many unemployed and furloughed job hunters right now. Because none of us have ever navigated this process in a pandemic before—my clients have reasonable concerns and questions.

 How do I stand out in the crowd of candidates?

 How do I strike the right tone when there are people still sick and dying out there?

 How can I network when we could be living an indoor life for months?

 How would I explain a career pivot at a time when safety and security seem like a priority?

 The answers I continue to return to for all of these questions are:

 Be real. Be vulnerable. Acknowledge the identity-shifting moment we’re in. And if there’s a point where your superpowers match up to what the world needs right now, run towards it without asking for permission. This is part of your new narrative, and it will be met with different expectations that have never existed for career shifts. Your pivot can be seen as a moment that you’re stepping into flexibility, resilience and the leadership needed for our new world.

 As I’ve said many times, in several different ways, the best tool to set you up for success in your search is your elevator pitch—and it will be critical to chisel it within the context of our times.

 Here’s how to write your—Pandemic Elevator Pitch:

 Sentence 1: Who are you? What’s the headline of your career, expertise and/or industry experience?

 I’m a marketing professional with 15+ years of experience in digital strategy and execution across several top tier financial services brands.

 Sentence 2: Name your strengths, passions, a “why” and/or a career highlight.

 I’m passionate about developing content that brings the untold stories of real people to life–with detail, empathy, honesty and at least a little bit of fun.

 Sentence 3: Acknowledge the current moment and a shift you are making to adjust.

 During this time of COVID, I’ve been truly moved by the stories of healthcare professionals, their resilience, and their commitment to not only saving lives on the frontlines but also to share information and tools with the public to help with prevention. It’s prompted me to want to pivot—using my marketing and storytelling skills to continue to bring these stories to light for inspiration and hope in this moment.

 Sentence 4: What you’re looking for…the ask

 If you know of health systems or healthcare organizations who are looking for digital marketing and content support, I would love an intro. Thanks!

 Bring it together:

 I’m a marketing professional with 15+ years’ experience in digital strategy and execution across several top tier financial services brands. I’m passionate about developing content that brings the untold stories of real people to life--with detail, empathy, honesty and at least a little bit of fun. During this time of COVID, I’ve been truly moved by the stories of healthcare professionals, their resilience, and their commitment to not only saving lives on the frontlines but also to sharing information and tools with the public to help with prevention. It’s prompted me to pivot—using my marketing and storytelling skills to help organizations continue to bring these stories to light for inspiration and hope in this moment. If you know of health systems or healthcare organizations who are looking for digital marketing and content support, I would love an intro.

Now that you have your pitch, please do this important next step: Use it. Of course this looks different than it did pre-pandemic. I’ve been known to say in the past, network where you are—a coffee shop, birthday party, school drop off or the dog park. In our current times it’s more like—your couch, your bed, your dining room table and for those lucky few—the home office. You must make more of an effort to be visible and that means getting uncomfortable. Attend virtual events, set up zoom meetings and informational interviews, reach out to your contacts with a note to let them know what types of roles you’re seeking. Remember, people want to help. It makes them feel good—especially right now, when we are feeling helpless about so much in our changing world.

If you’re looking for a little extra support in honing your Elevator Pitch, please consider the Nail Your Elevator Pitch Mini Course!

The Mini Course includes…

Five short videos that walk you through:

• A welcome and setting you up for success

• Identifying your strengths

• The strategy and approach to writing your pitch

• The formula for three different types of pitches based on your situation

• Getting into action with your pitch

Plus, a workbook where you can write the first drafts of your pitch.

All for $60!

Add a 45-minute 1:1 session to workshop your pitch with Rachel for $125.

Let’s get you out there networking with a pitch that will give you the momentum you need to make that next big career move. Take the next step here: https://www.rachelbgarrett.com/pitch

How Do We Make The Courageous Leadership Of This Moment Stick?

In between the sounds of sirens and Cuomo briefings as background music, over the past few weeks, I’ve been present to some of the most inspiring and powerful virtual coaching sessions of my practice to date.

The leaders I’m supporting are:

 Providing their teams with safe spaces to truly talk about their fears and what is possible right now.

Breaking from the corporate layoff scripts to offer compassion and empathy in difficult conversations.

Modeling vulnerability to share how feeling emotions can equal strength. 

Stepping up to deliver on new products and business functions to meet the changing needs of their customers and the world.

Giving up on the perfectionism that has haunted them throughout their careers in exchange for direct communication and swift action. 

I am in awe of them. They are throwing out the rules of who they thought they should be, and they are standing firm in their own skin to lead as humans first. 

And yet, I have a lingering fear that as we begin to come out of this, leadership gains will be met with cultural amnesia. That there will be a gravitational pull bringing us back to what we know to be the rules and how it has always been. 

In order to combat this worry, for myself, for my clients and for all the inspiring leaders I’m reading about who seemingly came out of nowhere—I’m relentlessly returning to this question: 

How do we make it stick?

It happens each minute we notice how it feels to show up as courageous, imperfect humans.

 When we’re doing what we can to save lives. Being the support our people need. Providing space to cry and to laugh. Taking the lead without asking for permission. Offering to do the talk or the webinar before we know what we’re going to say.

It’s in remembering these moments. How they feel in your body. Writing about them. Talking about them with your people and inspiring them to become aware of what feels different now. How every moment feels like we must do what needs to be done. Continually asking ourselves, why would we do anything but? It’s a practice of remembering what’s at stake. Right now, lives are on the line. It’s a chance to wake up and realize it was always that way.