Managing Up Is Your Key To Moving Up In Your Career

In the early days of my digital marketing career, I found myself in my mid-twenties leading a large multi-disciplinary team and responsible for a multi-million dollar website launch. It wasn’t a position I’d ever expected I would be in just a few years earlier while finishing up college and changing my major for the fifth time in my senior year (clearly a topic for another post!). I rose quickly and stepped into my role with boundless curiosity and a passion for the work. 

I took to managing all of my direct reports with a fervor and excitement that I now consider to be the early clues of my love for motivating, inspiring and all things leadership. But when it came time for me to report the work of the team and the challenges facing the project to senior leadership, I felt like a teeny tiny person. 

The symptoms of my inexperience were physical and visible. In my status meetings with our SVP, my face grew hot and red. I was holding back tears and I had no idea why. I was taken over by an image that I had done something wrong, I was unworthy of being in the room or that I would need to defend myself. And it didn’t get better when I began to talk. Eyes glazing over. Yawning. Checking watches. These reactions were not going to get me the support for the team or the project I needed. I knew I needed help to fully step into this role by managing up. 

Thankfully, I was able to enroll in leadership training that gave me the tools to build my confidence. I read every leadership book I could get my hands on. Then I practiced, believed I was worthy, made mistakes, learned from them and was honest about areas I wanted to grow. Interestingly, with all my focus and attention in this area, it’s become a great strength of mine, and is something I share with my clients as one piece of the puzzle that can clear the path for them to rise in their careers. Here are three areas of focus for you to practice when you’re managing up. 

1. Heal childhood wounds around authority
For many people, especially for those who are early in their careers, authority figures and hierarchy can bring up a lot of fear. Don’t judge yourself for this fear. We’ve all been yelled at by parents and teachers and athletic coaches and those memories live in our bodies as we sit down with bosses and leaders in our companies. Identify what memory may be a trigger for you, get quiet and be compassionate to the child who was embarrassed or belittled. Do some writing or reflecting on what came up in those moments and remind yourself you are not that child anymore. You are strong enough to deal with whatever anyone would say about you. Most importantly, you can now choose what to believe and not believe. If this seems like an area where you need additional support, it can be life and career-changing to work with a therapist around some of these early traumatic moments that may be holding you back.

2. Less is more
This is a lesson that took a long time for this verbose woman to learn, but once I did, my managing up skills grew exponentially. Your senior leaders do not need to know every detail. In fact, they have no time for those details. You must break down your message to its simple core. What are the high level takeaways and where do you need their support? Wherever you can, make recommendations for solutions instead of dumping problems in their laps. When you come to them with your honed story and clear concise needs, you’re demonstrating that you respect their time and that you have the confidence to take on the details without them. 

3. Authentically promote yourself and your good work
Leverage your time with and your exposure to senior leadership as an opportunity to plant seeds about your pride for how your projects are moving forward, relationships you’ve build and ideas you have that might further the goals of the organization. This is a tough part of the job for many because they feel it’s fake or phony—but truly it’s not if you talk about the things that bring you actual pride and joy. Side note: if you’re having trouble finding those things you have other challenges that you should investigate. When you regularly build the case for the value you’re bringing to the organization, you will be primed to take on more responsibility and clear the path for promotion. Learn more about how to do this with my 5 Commandments Of Self-Promotion. 

The good news is that these are skills that can be developed over time. There are some people who seem to have come out of the womb confidently persuading and presenting cogent arguments to the C suite, but for the rest of us—there’s hope and time to hone our craft. And as with all professional development endeavors, it starts with a mix of self-awareness, compassion and enough curiosity to experiment with a new approach. 

Create The Fun of 2018!

I’ve wrapped up 2017 with a long list of accomplishments. I’ve created my Why that brings me to tears: get more women into positions of power. I’ve rallied my team, which now includes a new mastermind group of KICKASS women business owners who are going to support me in breaking my business wide open—and that’s a good thing! It’s all quite serious and powerful and inspiring. I’ve never been more prepared for a year to start than I am right now. A fellow coach commented, "You’ve been shot out of a cannon this new year." 

Yes, it is true, but immediately it became clear to me: I’m over-indexed on intensity and well, where’s the fun of 2018? I must create a release valve where all of this excess energy can go, as well as a way to celebrate my hard work.

I wish I didn’t need to impart a process for you to add fun back into your life, but if you sat in on as many client sessions as I have, where it is clearly at the bottom of the priority list—I promise, you would do the same. 

But, before I un-fun my fun blog post with homework, I want to remind you why fun is important and why it is not what you may think—frivolous and unproductive. 

Like clean eating and movement, fun is fuel—a renewable resource at your disposal if you so choose. It’s in that fun, that we let go of being stuck, we give up resistance and we experience the best moments of our lives. It’s the stuff that makes us want to keep going and to redouble efforts everywhere else. Who wouldn’t want all that? 

So, where do you start? Here’s a simple 3 step approach to bring back the fun (I feel a hashtag coming on…) and make 2018 the year you remove the stick from an obvious body part. 

1. Make a list of the things that bring you fun and joy
This is not what you think should be fun or what your sister thinks is fun. This is about you. What makes you pee your pants laughing? What brings a smile you can’t wipe from your face? What brings you the kind of joy that makes you feel like a kid? Make a list of things. Remove judgment from all that’s on the list. I don’t care that jumping on a trampoline is your north star! So why should you? 

2. Schedule fun into your calendar and make it a priority
Take a look at your list and choose a couple of things that you want to pepper into your calendar of choice. Treat these appointments like your most pressing, urgent, important meetings of your week. Protect your fun time. When that’s the only time someone else can meet with you, practice saying, "I’m not available." Silence. No need to say, "I can’t because I’ll be sword fighting at that time." They don’t need to know this. That’s between you and your sword. 

3. Notice your resistance to fun
As with everything in life, your resistance is an opportunity to learn. If you’re not able to keep your commitments to your fun practice, reflect on why that is and how a fun-free week is working for you. What does fun bring up for you? Experiment with only scheduling 15 minutes and actually doing it. What did you feel during that time? Were you desperate to be productive? Or did you feel like you needed to be perfect in your fun? Like you’re not doing fun right? Take some notes in a journal about what your resistance is bringing up for you and you may find some answers you weren’t expecting to come out of your scheduled 15 minutes of visiting the dog run sans dog. 

I now sound like my daughters where every conversation is simply a vehicle to bring up our upcoming adoption of the dog that will join our family sometime in 2018. Our dog is part of my 2018 fun plan, along with a week in the woods, more time with friends and dancing. 2018: less sitting, more dancing! And fun. More fun, please! 

Help A Working Mom By Sharing This

When my older daughter started Kindergarten in a new school and my younger was in her terrible two’s, I had taken on a larger role at work and in short—life was complicated. Mornings were a shit show of epic proportion. I came to expect all three of us to be crying as I locked the apartment door to start each new day. At the time I thought, "Wow. I’m simply sucking at this." And then to top it off, the subway would take its sweet time on my commute. I arrived late and was already behind for each meeting. All day I fought against the sad nagging feeling that I wasn’t winning any awards at the office, either! 

I knew I had to do something to break me out of that daily cycle of failure and despair. So, I took the natural next step for any overwhelmed working mom. 

I signed up for the New York City Marathon. 

Wait. What the what???

At the time, I couldn’t articulate to anyone why I was doing it. I had run a few races, but slowwwly…and never anything as intense as the magical, daunting 26.2. It was unreasonable. Unthinkable. And that’s exactly why I knew I had to do it! 

It was something powerful; proof that I could conquer my deepest fears and trust my intuition. It was the gift that forced me to lean on and be lifted by my people. And they were all in too. After five months of training, my six-year-old sat us down the night before the race and said, "I want us all to close our eyes and picture mommy crossing the finish line of the marathon." Love and tears. Enough said. 

The marathon made me realize—I’m not that great a runner and I ran a freakin’ marathon!! What can I do with the things I’m REALLY great at??? And then, my coaching practice was born. 

Sometimes it’s that simple. We need something to shake us out of reacting to our lives so that we can create the life we want.

And if running a marathon isn’t your thing…that’s ok! I have something else that can shake you out of a life of:

Autopilot

Overwhelm

Guilt 

Perfectionism

It’s called WORKING MOTHER MASTERCLASS—and I’m so over the top excited to be sharing it with you! It’s the culmination of three years of helping women to end their self-sabotage so they can build lives they love. And it will be a major focus of mine this year in my mission to get more women into positions of power. 

In the 8-week group coaching program we’ll:

1. Build out your life vision and learn what you want in your core.

2. Figure out what’s getting in your way (ie. guilt, perfectionism, difficulty saying no).

3. Master the work-life juggle by giving clear strategies to get out of overwhelm.

4. Up-level your leadership by defining your leadership style and personal brand, while improving your communication and learning to promote yourself in an authentic way.

5. Create a plan for self-care, fuel and fun!

6. Incorporate concrete ways to help other women.

7. Provide the accountability of a badass group of motivated and committed women.

8. Work through the challenges of what it’s like to be a woman in today’s workplace in a safe and supportive environment.

There’s only room for TEN women in this group and it starts January 30th! Sign up now to reserve your spot. They’re going FAST! 

If it sounds like it’s for you, you can learn more about signing up here or schedule a Clarity Call with me to talk through the details. 

Or, if you know someone who sounds like a good fit for the program, forward this email or feel free to reach out to me. 

This is going to be BIG—so join me. Real talk, real change for the real life you’re meant to live. 
 

5 Ways Women (And Men!) Can Support Women Leaders

In the aftermath of #metoo, the smart companies among us are beginning to seek ways to shift their cultures, to dive into how we came to this place of reckoning and to find methods to help employees begin to advocate for and protect themselves. In addition to new reporting processes, policies and re-vamped trainings, there’s a clear necessity to break the dialogue about diversity in the senior ranks wide open; to get focused on the tactic we know will move the needle: get more women into positions of power. Now. 

Given where we are, it can seem a daunting task—and one reserved for a select few in the top rung of our organizations. Also, knowing how strapped we all are for time, you may fear furthering this cause will become your new unpaid side-hustle. 

I’m thrilled to report, neither of these statements are true and there’s much we can be doing within our work day to take giant leaps forward to our goal of gender parity in the senior ranks. 

Here’s a list of 5 ways you can begin right now:

1. Take your own leadership seriously
Women, whether you have direct reports or not—you can be a leader. You can define the kind of leader you want to be by identifying your values and strengths and creating a leadership or personal mission statement. You can hone your clear communication skills and your executive presence. Read the top leadership books and continue to hone your craft. Dare to laugh while on the job and be yourself. Be the model. Be the example, the boss you wish you had or can have. Ask for what you want. Promote your good work. Believe you are worthy. 

2. Stop complaining and generalizing about bad female bosses
All too often, my clients lean in to me and whisper (in my private office), "I prefer to work for a male boss. I’ve had bad experiences with women." Beyond clients, I’ve heard it from colleagues, friends—and hell—I think I’ve said it once or twice in my career, but not anymore. Of course our experiences are valid and it’s fine to talk about your experiences, but just know—you’re NOT helping more women advance with this negative re-telling of history or sweeping assumptions that all female bosses will be as bad as those you’ve encountered. My guess is that you’ve had some bad male bosses as well—so check your own bias when you say these things. Are you holding women to a higher standard? Absolutely give feedback, recommend training and recognize how you want to lead differently, but by furthering these stories and statements, you could be maximizing a false assumption that women don’t lead as well as men. Or you could be adding a level of pressure to the already long list of fears held by women stepping into leadership roles. This pressure could prompt women to avoid choosing "the big job" when it’s well within their capabilities. 

3. Give constructive feedback to women colleagues often
The only way employees at all levels will continue to improve and up-level their game is with feedback. I offer tips on how to effectively give feedback for those who may shy away in my post, Give Feedback Like A Pro. Most importantly, you can let the employee know you’re giving the feedback BECAUSE you care and you think they’re good at what they do—not the opposite. 

4. Take time to mentor
Build time in your schedule to meet with women who are seeking your wisdom—and believe you have wisdom to share! It could be as little as one mentoring lunch a month and as much as some master mentors—two afternoons a week. If getting more women into positions of power is a top priority for you, make the time. Show other women it’s possible to get where you are, to juggle logistics, to have a position where you’re supported and have some autonomy and flexibility. Show other women that it doesn’t need to look perfect and you need not live in a state of exhaustion. When you can see it, it’s easier to believe it’s possible. 

5. Advocate for training and yes, coaching
If you lead a team, advocate for new levels of training and coaching for your emerging women leaders. With my corporate clients, I help them learn to delegate more junior tasks to their capable employees so they can take on more of the strategic work that will get them promoted. We work through the tactical logistics of the work-life juggle so they come out of overwhelm and use their creative muscles for innovative thinking. They learn to communicate with confidence and power, how to own a room—and lead with the best parts of themselves—instead of playing a part. Most importantly, they learn to believe they can demonstrate their value and expertise, while also leading on their terms. More about this in my post, Flexibility and Advancement Are Not Opposites.

Inherent in all of these ways we can further our collective mission, is that we must continually question our own inevitable biases. We must become aware of when we’re bringing our bias to our decision-making, our communication and our leadership. We must create a safe space for the only other woman in the meeting to speak. We must give the woman candidate a chance based on her credentials, not only on her ability to sell herself. The latter can be taught. One wonderful tool, I use with clients and with my own biases is Kristen Pressner’s simple, Flip It To Test It model. The more we open up the dialogue and become aware of how we are contributing on both ends of the spectrum, the better we’ll become at shifting focus and our trajectory in closing the gap.