Help A Working Mom By Sharing This

When my older daughter started Kindergarten in a new school and my younger was in her terrible two’s, I had taken on a larger role at work and in short—life was complicated. Mornings were a shit show of epic proportion. I came to expect all three of us to be crying as I locked the apartment door to start each new day. At the time I thought, "Wow. I’m simply sucking at this." And then to top it off, the subway would take its sweet time on my commute. I arrived late and was already behind for each meeting. All day I fought against the sad nagging feeling that I wasn’t winning any awards at the office, either! 

I knew I had to do something to break me out of that daily cycle of failure and despair. So, I took the natural next step for any overwhelmed working mom. 

I signed up for the New York City Marathon. 

Wait. What the what???

At the time, I couldn’t articulate to anyone why I was doing it. I had run a few races, but slowwwly…and never anything as intense as the magical, daunting 26.2. It was unreasonable. Unthinkable. And that’s exactly why I knew I had to do it! 

It was something powerful; proof that I could conquer my deepest fears and trust my intuition. It was the gift that forced me to lean on and be lifted by my people. And they were all in too. After five months of training, my six-year-old sat us down the night before the race and said, "I want us all to close our eyes and picture mommy crossing the finish line of the marathon." Love and tears. Enough said. 

The marathon made me realize—I’m not that great a runner and I ran a freakin’ marathon!! What can I do with the things I’m REALLY great at??? And then, my coaching practice was born. 

Sometimes it’s that simple. We need something to shake us out of reacting to our lives so that we can create the life we want.

And if running a marathon isn’t your thing…that’s ok! I have something else that can shake you out of a life of:

Autopilot

Overwhelm

Guilt 

Perfectionism

It’s called WORKING MOTHER MASTERCLASS—and I’m so over the top excited to be sharing it with you! It’s the culmination of three years of helping women to end their self-sabotage so they can build lives they love. And it will be a major focus of mine this year in my mission to get more women into positions of power. 

In the 8-week group coaching program we’ll:

1. Build out your life vision and learn what you want in your core.

2. Figure out what’s getting in your way (ie. guilt, perfectionism, difficulty saying no).

3. Master the work-life juggle by giving clear strategies to get out of overwhelm.

4. Up-level your leadership by defining your leadership style and personal brand, while improving your communication and learning to promote yourself in an authentic way.

5. Create a plan for self-care, fuel and fun!

6. Incorporate concrete ways to help other women.

7. Provide the accountability of a badass group of motivated and committed women.

8. Work through the challenges of what it’s like to be a woman in today’s workplace in a safe and supportive environment.

There’s only room for TEN women in this group and it starts January 30th! Sign up now to reserve your spot. They’re going FAST! 

If it sounds like it’s for you, you can learn more about signing up here or schedule a Clarity Call with me to talk through the details. 

Or, if you know someone who sounds like a good fit for the program, forward this email or feel free to reach out to me. 

This is going to be BIG—so join me. Real talk, real change for the real life you’re meant to live. 
 

5 Ways Women (And Men!) Can Support Women Leaders

In the aftermath of #metoo, the smart companies among us are beginning to seek ways to shift their cultures, to dive into how we came to this place of reckoning and to find methods to help employees begin to advocate for and protect themselves. In addition to new reporting processes, policies and re-vamped trainings, there’s a clear necessity to break the dialogue about diversity in the senior ranks wide open; to get focused on the tactic we know will move the needle: get more women into positions of power. Now. 

Given where we are, it can seem a daunting task—and one reserved for a select few in the top rung of our organizations. Also, knowing how strapped we all are for time, you may fear furthering this cause will become your new unpaid side-hustle. 

I’m thrilled to report, neither of these statements are true and there’s much we can be doing within our work day to take giant leaps forward to our goal of gender parity in the senior ranks. 

Here’s a list of 5 ways you can begin right now:

1. Take your own leadership seriously
Women, whether you have direct reports or not—you can be a leader. You can define the kind of leader you want to be by identifying your values and strengths and creating a leadership or personal mission statement. You can hone your clear communication skills and your executive presence. Read the top leadership books and continue to hone your craft. Dare to laugh while on the job and be yourself. Be the model. Be the example, the boss you wish you had or can have. Ask for what you want. Promote your good work. Believe you are worthy. 

2. Stop complaining and generalizing about bad female bosses
All too often, my clients lean in to me and whisper (in my private office), "I prefer to work for a male boss. I’ve had bad experiences with women." Beyond clients, I’ve heard it from colleagues, friends—and hell—I think I’ve said it once or twice in my career, but not anymore. Of course our experiences are valid and it’s fine to talk about your experiences, but just know—you’re NOT helping more women advance with this negative re-telling of history or sweeping assumptions that all female bosses will be as bad as those you’ve encountered. My guess is that you’ve had some bad male bosses as well—so check your own bias when you say these things. Are you holding women to a higher standard? Absolutely give feedback, recommend training and recognize how you want to lead differently, but by furthering these stories and statements, you could be maximizing a false assumption that women don’t lead as well as men. Or you could be adding a level of pressure to the already long list of fears held by women stepping into leadership roles. This pressure could prompt women to avoid choosing "the big job" when it’s well within their capabilities. 

3. Give constructive feedback to women colleagues often
The only way employees at all levels will continue to improve and up-level their game is with feedback. I offer tips on how to effectively give feedback for those who may shy away in my post, Give Feedback Like A Pro. Most importantly, you can let the employee know you’re giving the feedback BECAUSE you care and you think they’re good at what they do—not the opposite. 

4. Take time to mentor
Build time in your schedule to meet with women who are seeking your wisdom—and believe you have wisdom to share! It could be as little as one mentoring lunch a month and as much as some master mentors—two afternoons a week. If getting more women into positions of power is a top priority for you, make the time. Show other women it’s possible to get where you are, to juggle logistics, to have a position where you’re supported and have some autonomy and flexibility. Show other women that it doesn’t need to look perfect and you need not live in a state of exhaustion. When you can see it, it’s easier to believe it’s possible. 

5. Advocate for training and yes, coaching
If you lead a team, advocate for new levels of training and coaching for your emerging women leaders. With my corporate clients, I help them learn to delegate more junior tasks to their capable employees so they can take on more of the strategic work that will get them promoted. We work through the tactical logistics of the work-life juggle so they come out of overwhelm and use their creative muscles for innovative thinking. They learn to communicate with confidence and power, how to own a room—and lead with the best parts of themselves—instead of playing a part. Most importantly, they learn to believe they can demonstrate their value and expertise, while also leading on their terms. More about this in my post, Flexibility and Advancement Are Not Opposites.

Inherent in all of these ways we can further our collective mission, is that we must continually question our own inevitable biases. We must become aware of when we’re bringing our bias to our decision-making, our communication and our leadership. We must create a safe space for the only other woman in the meeting to speak. We must give the woman candidate a chance based on her credentials, not only on her ability to sell herself. The latter can be taught. One wonderful tool, I use with clients and with my own biases is Kristen Pressner’s simple, Flip It To Test It model. The more we open up the dialogue and become aware of how we are contributing on both ends of the spectrum, the better we’ll become at shifting focus and our trajectory in closing the gap. 

What's Your 2018 Why?

As a Career and Leadership Coach supporting working mothers in up-leveling leadership skills and managing career transitions, the week the Weinstein news hit was traumatic. Then the punches kept coming. Every day there were more sexual harassment, assault and rape cases revealing themselves—and the stories of cover-up infrastructure decades old were as crushing as the incidents themselves.  

Like Uma Thurman, I was angry. Every day I coach incredible women. 

Women who know well what it’s like to be the only woman in the room. 

Women attorneys who have created new areas of the law to protect underserved communities. 

Women who are self-taught technology experts. 

Women who are facing bias, discrimination and worse—that flies in the face of their ambition. 

Women who have all the skills, all the tools, all the expertise—but still don’t see themselves as leaders. 

After weeks of moving through empathy for the victims, reflection on the more than awkward moments in my own career, holding my clients’ challenges in my heart and reading every word on the subject, one Harvard Business Review article was tattooed on my brain—Training Programs and Reporting Systems Won’t End Sexual Harassment. Promoting More Women Will. The article revealed that while training programs and reporting systems are band aid measures, the research does not support their success in solving the problem. 

The only proven approach is in promoting women into the senior ranks. "Male-dominated management teams have been found to tolerate, sanction, or even expect sexualized treatment of workers, which can lead to a culture of complicity…Harassment flourishes in organizations where few women hold the "core" jobs. Fixing this is about finding power in numbers, not just in authority and hierarchy."

There it was. Through tears, I saw my imminent pivot before me. There was only one path forward. One mission. One 2018 Why.

GET MORE WOMEN INTO POSITIONS OF POWER. 

As I move into 2018 business planning and goal setting, all priority projects will fall under this umbrella.

I will begin to phase out programs and projects that no longer speak to this mission, this Why. My focus will be coaching and online programs that ignite women’s leadership skills, strengthening their belief that it IS possible for them to lead and have family lives they love—while drop kicking the idea or myth that women can’t and won’t help women. 

Helping other women will be part of my mission and all of my programs. 

The ONLY way we’re going to make this happen is by helping each other. 

So, in the spirit of helping each other—let’s get to work helping you Create Your 2018 Why. 

First off, what is it? 
Often called a "Why Statement" and popularized by Simon Sinek’s must-read bestseller, It Starts With Why. As Simon so eloquently puts it, "It is one of life’s greatest joys to wake up in the morning…every morning, with a clear sense of why that day matters, why every day matters. This is what it means to find your WHY." 

Your Why should bring you to tears. Now, I’m not saying I want you crying the whole damn day, but—I do want you to be moved by what you’re doing and your reasons for doing it. This emotion will propel you forward, keep you motivated and fill you with pride and gratitude for your contribution to the world. 

Why is it important?
Your Why drives your hunger to succeed and accomplish your goals. It also gets you through the tough parts of the work! When I’m dealing with technology issues or scheduling snafu’s with clients, I think, "Get more women into positions of power." And I redouble my efforts to work through it. 

It also lets people know how to help and partner with you! When you tell people your Why as part of your elevator pitch or simply standing in line at Starbucks (ok, maybe that’s just me!) people will be attracted to the emotion behind your Why and think about ways to be a part of your mission. 

How do I create it?
This will take some ever-illusive quiet time. Yes, it is possible to find this time and you must. I already feel the pressure you’re putting on yourself to find the answers in one sitting, you efficient type-A’s. Let me set expectations by saying, this could take awhile and that’s okay. The reflection is worth your time, no matter what you uncover. 

Ask yourself, the following questions:

1. What do I want?

2. What do I want for the people I love?

3. What do I want for the world?

4. Why do I want these things?

5. What is most important to me?

6. What do I believe with all that I am?

Read through what you have and let it percolate. Now, actively walk through your life with an openness, looking for clues to finding more of these answers. Talk about your evolving answers with people you trust and people who will be open to exploring what this means for you. 

When you come up with it—and it brings you to tears, let your Why be your mantra and experiment with it being your life’s organizing principle. The first year of my business, my Why was simply one word—growth. I had spent 16 years in one career and I felt like I was standing still for a long time. The idea of both personal and business growth lit me up. It helped me figure out what projects to say no to and how I wanted to organize my life. Whatever you come up with, let it be something that draws you to it, something that fires you up. Because you’re here to make shit happen, so let’s do this thing, 2018. 

Want To Create Your Best Year Ever? Here's How!

Two years ago, my husband and I hit a panicky moment where we looked at our lives and said, "Nope. Not what we envisioned." 

Too much work.

And yet not enough learning about life and who we were becoming. 

Not enough time with friends. 

Mindless shuttling from place to place. 

Too many screens. 

Not enough art and music and theater. 

Too much concrete. 

A hunger to be in nature. 

A yearning to make a bigger impact on the world. 

We were grateful for all we had—two healthy (and hilarious) children, a supportive community and a rock-solid relationship—but we were on autopilot and we knew it. 

We sat down in December that year with some wine, paper and post-its to build out a vision of how we wanted this whole thing called life to look. We dared to say some of our seemingly silly and audacious wants out loud, having no idea how we would accomplish them. It was a beautiful relief to use our creative muscles while believing we could have EXACTLY what we wanted. We used these goals as guideposts for the coming year and while we weren’t able to accomplish everything—we carried the remaining items and themes into our longer-term life vision. We know where we’re going, for now. 

Since then, I’ve honed my process for goal setting and planning that I’m sharing in my Working Mother Masterclass 2018 Planner. I’ve also highlighted my top tips here, so you can get started right now! 

1. Acknowledge Your 2017
Before you get to work creating your 2018, you must put 2017 to bed with a proper farewell. By putting your past in the past, you open up more room to create new and exciting opportunities for the year ahead. I like to do this by writing a forgiveness letter to yourself for all that did and didn’t happen. Then, make a list of your 2017 accomplishments. It could be as big as "Landed a promotion!" or "Won the Hamilton Lottery." Or as small as, "Exercised today." 

2. Figure out the "why" behind each goal
When you get clear on why your goals are important to you AND you bring some emotion to that why—you’re more likely to persevere during the tough parts of trying to accomplish your goal. One of my goals for 2018 is to turn off my phone between 6:30 and 8PM (or at least hide it in my bedroom!) every night. Why? So that my kids feel I’m there for them AND focused on them during that daily time we have together. Remembering the feeling I want to help create for my girls is what will help me break free of the magnetic force of my device. 

3. Break big goals into small steps and figure out your first one! 
Before getting overwhelmed by your big goals, try to remember that they are simply lots of little goals strung together. Spread your milestones out over the course of the months in the year so you can begin to visualize how you will build toward what seemed like an unthinkable goal. Once you set your goals, leverage the momentum, energy and excitement you have for that goal RIGHT NOW. Decide on what your first step will be, no matter how tiny and schedule it ASAP! The sooner you begin, the sooner you will begin to believe that you’re actually doing this! 

If this is the first time you’re getting intentional about your year—welcome! You’ll never want to do it another way again. The more clear you can get about how you want your life to look, the closer you are to making it so. 

You can use my free Working Mother Masterclass 2018 Planner (good for both parents and non-parents!), pen and paper, or create your own 2018 spreadsheet. No matter what you choose, get planning now so you can start the New Year focused, fresh and ready to begin!