Let's Give Up Guilt, Right Now

There are many variables that can destroy your work-life balance formula. The top three I hear are:

1. A lack of support from partners, family and friends

2. An inflexible work situation

3. Guilt about not doing enough in work or life

The first two can absolutely be optimized, tweaked and improved, but the reality is they will take time (and focus!) to adjust because they are deeply connected to your external circumstances and people who may be slow to change. 

But guilt, oh guilt—when I see it show up in a session, I feel the potential energy of a transformation. If guilt is your number one reason for being out of balance, you're in luck and you're about to change your life—on the quick. Let me spell this out for you. 

Guilt is in your control. 

Guilt is your choice. 

Guilt is sucking the joy out of all you're doing well. 

When you give up guilt, you're not changing your job or your boss or the field trip you had to miss because of a meeting. You're changing what all those things mean to you. Remember—you get to choose what they mean and why not take a deep breath and choose to think that you're doing the best you can (which is pretty damn good). 

I'm not saying there's no room for improvement. Of course there is! It's always helpful to reflect on how you're doing in your work or as a parent, or with how you're contributing to the world. But—it's critical to do this reflection without judgment. If you're coming from the perspective of being a self-aware flawed human, you're opening up the possibility for change. You can channel the time and energy you were spending on guilt on some realistic tweaks to your life that can bring you pride and confidence about your path and the choices you're making. 

Here's a quick exercise I like to use to move through guilt when it comes up for me:

1. Become aware of the guilt I'm feeling.

2. Notice where I feel it in my body.

3. Put my hand on that part of my body and take 3 deep breaths.

4. Tell myself, "I'm doing the best I can. I'm loved and respected for everything I do." (Find something you can say that resonates for you.)

Of course, working through guilt will be an ongoing practice because it will never go away completely. But, you will be amazed at how quickly you can find relief from giving it up. It's nothing short of liberating (and addictive!). What are you currently feeling guilty about that you can release RIGHT NOW? Yes, you can choose to feel peace, right now, and it feels calm and safe, like a place to call home. 

10 Sanity-Saving Back To School Tips For Working Parents

Excitement, stress, anticipation, fall clothes and backpacks appearing in boxes in a frantic panic to be "ready!" The back to school fervor is upon us and it is yet another time of year when working parents can lose their cool in a sea of overwhelm and guilt. Don't go there. There's another way to forge forward, friends—and it doesn't involve a trip to Staples during peak after school hours with two kids in tow. 

I'm going to keep this one short and sweet, because truly—who has time to read anything longer than a list right now? 

Here's my list of ways to keep it real and stay sane during Back to School:

1. Do whatever you do to stay calm
If exercise, deep breaths or a coffee date with a friend is your happy place, don't let those things fall off the list right now. There's going to be enough excitement and perhaps anxiety coming from the kids for the entire family to absorb, so the more you can manage your own stress, the less there will be to go around. 

2. Acknowledge your kids' emotions that may be running high
Provide your kids with a safe place to feel the emotions of and express the fears around their upcoming return to school. For kids who may not want to talk about it, have some art materials on hand so they can express what they need to in a way that makes sense for them. 

3. Don't feel the need to buy into consumer panic
If Johnny doesn't have his thermos on day one of school—everyone will live. If Jane only has a few outfits she loves right now, it's all going to work out. There will be other sales. There will be other discounts. You have a lot on your plate right now, so if shopping isn't a priority—that's OK. 

4. Get organized
You may remember this one from my piece in June, A Working Parents' Guide To Surviving The School Year's End. Get ahead of all of the activities. Get them on the calendar. Divide and conquer with your village. Talk to the kids to let them know you can't go to all of the activities, but you want to go to the ones that are the most important to them—and then do your best to make that happen. 

5. Routine-ify a few days early
We all let bedtimes and wakeup times slide during summer. Breaking down the routine allows us to have that extra glass of rosé in those beloved evening hours at the beach or to see that outdoor movie in the park. I strongly encourage getting back into your regular routine 2-3 days before you head back to school if you want to do your best to avoid first day meltdowns. Tired kid = melty kid. 

6. Create a Ritual
Each new school year is a BIG DEAL for your kids and for you. Create a way to honor that and mark the day in a special way. We've been going out for dinner with the same two families every last and first day of school since the kids were in preschool. It's something they look forward to doing, a way for them to extend the excitement of the day and share all the big news with their oldest friends. 

7. Set an intention for the new school year
What do you want to get out of this school year as a parent? Who do you want to be in the face of homework frustration, friendship struggles and changing bodies? Going into the school year with a simple intention like, I am empathy, or I am peace, could be just what you need to remember during those tough times to help you move beyond your go-to stressed out reaction. 

8. Participate in a way that feels right to you
If you want to be involved in your kids' education—that's great—but do the things that make the most sense for you. If you love to go on field trips, work with the teachers to get the dates in advance so you can plan them into your work schedule. If you're a super organized type and like the administrative role of class parent, go for it! But don't step up to do those roles out of guilt or obligation. Surely there's a way you can channel your own superpowers to participate in class or in your children's school. 

9. Reflect and optimize without judgment
Think about how you handled the end of school last year. What worked and what didn't? Where did your stress and overwhelm kick in? How did your badassery show up? Without making yourself feel bad or wrong about how it went down, learn from what I like to call, "The June Cluster" and choose an area to focus your improvements. Don't expect perfection, but do know that by the time the kids go to college—you're going to be killing it! 

10. Acknowledge the loss that comes with a new year
Gulp. This is a tough one. Watching your baby start kindergarten. Helping your middle schooler memorize her locker combo. Backing down when your high schooler doesn't want ANY help at all. With each new year comes new skills and a greater maturity, but also a loss of that baby who knew you were her north star. Recognizing the sting of these losses helps you prepare for the new needs of each developmental stage. 

Remember, even with all the tools in the world and prep and getting ahead of it—you are not in control of how your child will handle this time of year. Kids will melt. Siblings will fight. Ice cream will fall off the cone. It's how we handle all that is not in our control—that IS within our control. I hope knowing that is the relief both you and your child need to simply do your best—and have gratitude that your best is pretty great. 

Five-minute Favor So I Can Better Help You In Your Career

Hi friends, 
 
Growth can feel oh so good and I'm in it. I'm thrilled to be growing my practice and working on some new programs to help a wider audience outside of my 1-on-1 coaching. Huzzah! 

I would be deeply grateful if you could take 5 minutes to answer some questions so I can get to know more about you, the challenges in your path and how I may be able to support you through them! I LOVE the feedback you all send me on the regular so this will be one more step in helping me to deliver what you need in the ways you need it! 

Thanks in advance,

Rachel

PS. Let's grow together. You're going to like it—promise, promise.

When You Seek Clarity, Do These Things

I meet people who are many flavors of stuck in their careers. There’s the exhausted, overwhelmed, identity-questioning parent of a six-month-old variety. The golden handcuff choosers who can’t imagine a career they’re passionate about and stick with a mediocre role—the flexible devil they know. Or there are my risk-averse, stability seekers—put it up for a toxic boss and mountains of bureaucracy. I’m still getting paid every two weeks, right? 

When I ask each of these people and others what their ideal next role would look like—PhD’s, JD’s and MBA’s notwithstanding—they all say the same thing. I don’t know. They often want me to provide the answer. Friends, I wish I were that magical. There’s still time, right? 

Instead of showing up to our session with my tiara and wand (two accessories I truly do own), or coming up with a solution from my personal perspective, I set my client up to discover his or her own answer by focusing on these things:

1. Welcome the uncertainty
I have some news, type-A loves (my people—I get you, I really do.). You may not have an answer or a clear-cut direction to take right away, but you’re going to be OK! Instead of cursing this period of uncertainty, invite it into your life knowing that it is your key to finding something that is not the obvious next choice, something with meaning—a role that makes you feel like you’re in your skin for most of your day (instead of the 5 minutes before a meeting starts). Walk through your life during this time with openness to recognizing clues. When do you feel interested, curious, excited, alive? What were you doing, who were you with and what about that moment lit you up?

2. Create space to reflect and experiment
Brilliant ideas do not appear during overwhelming, over-scheduled, stretched-too-thin times of your life. They simply don’t. If this is how your life currently feels, make some shifts in how you’re managing your time and on what you’re choosing to make a priority. Set different boundaries in your work and at home. Do you really need to do laundry twice a week or binge-watch House of Cards (yes, tough call, but now is the time to make tough calls)? Say no to things and to people that aren’t a top priority for you with my approach to The Inspired No. Block out time in your calendar to get quiet and time to reflect on what you love doing, the clues you found that week, and your career highlights to date. Experiment with new skills and ideas by taking classes, picking up a freelance project and reaching out to the people with whom you want to connect. 

3. Do the things you love like they’re your job
Lucky for me as a lifelong self-improvement junkie, I picked up a phrase in my teen years that has always been part of my process during times of uncertainty. “Go towards the things you love and see what happens.” During these times, I’ve volunteered, joined a running group, read the top YA novels of the year, signed up for a Coach Training Certification and started a blog. While some of these things simply gave me more energy and gratitude to keep going, some of them transformed my life. You never know which of the things you choose is going to be the one that makes the difference, but man, are you going to have more fun during the process of finding out. 

4. Get honest and vulnerable with your supportive VIP’s
This time of uncertainty is not all unicorns and roses—even for the most enlightened of you. Gather the people who will hold your hand through the rollercoaster, cheer you on for the smallest of wins and even celebrate that you still don’t know—but you’re figuring it out. It takes courage to admit you don’t have all the answers and that you’re sitting with it to see what happens. And in taking that step with your VIP’s and building that bravery muscle—you’re opening yourself up to challenges that are outside of the current set of experiences you can imagine for yourself. If you don’t have supporters, this may be part of the reason you’re stuck. Begin reaching out to people with similar interests and life goals—both online and in real life to begin this shift in building out a team. 

When you practice these things for at least one to three months (instant gratification seekers need not apply), your perspective begins to change and instead of looking for clues under rocks—they can begin to dart out at you like you’ve been matched at Wimbledon with Serena. In taking these clues seriously and pursuing them as they appear (or bonk you in the head), you will uncover new, exciting opportunities. Some may feel wrong, strange or better for some years down the line, but others will be there for you to dive into—and deep, right now, with urgency… and you will be shocked that you had never thought of them before.