I Tracked My Spending For A Year And Here's What I Learned

This July marked one year since I've been tracking my family's income and spending through an online tool that I adore – You Need A Budget or YNAB to aficionados, like me. Go ahead and congratulate me--it's my YNAB-iversary! For those of you who are unfamiliar with YNAB, it's a tool that you can use to forecast how you will spend and save all of your money and then reconcile your actual spending against your plan. 

To me, this anniversary represents the end of many lifelong destructive habits:

Excessive spending, light years beyond my means.

Retail therapy to make up for dissatisfaction in other areas of my life.

Fully handing over the reigns of my finances to someone (my husband) who would just "take care of it." 

Avoiding online accounts and paper statements for fear of what they would reveal. 

Arguments with my husband about what "we could afford" when neither of us were grounded in the data. 

Reacting to large annual bills as if they were a crisis and not something we knew happened every year. 

I knew I would never be able to run a successful company with this approach to personal finance—and I meant business when it came to my business. 

Time to transform my financial life. 

While I was still in the clouds about our personal finances, I was kicking ass with my business finances. All expense, projection and invoice i's dotted and t's crossed. That was the evidence my husband and I needed to agree that I would take over control of our finances COMPLETELY – paying bills, projecting earnings against expenses, becoming the point of contact for our accountant and our financial advisor and most importantly for us—budgeting and reconciling our budget against actuals with YNAB. 

I'm not going to lie--getting started was a daunting task. I quickly realized I couldn't do it alone, so I hired a Money Coach/YNAB expert to get us up and running. Within three months we exploded passed the learning curve and into a place of financial control. We're still at the beginning of our journey paying off our IBAR -- Invoices For Blessings Already Received (a.k.a. debt—thanks for the new lingo Kate Northrup!) and investing at the level we want to be—but we're no longer operating out of a stressful, needless crisis-mode. We know what we have. We know what we need. We know what we want AND we know what we need to bring in and spend in order to have what we want. What a difference a year can make! 

If you've talked to me for more than 15 minutes in the past year, I've probably already talked your ear off about the impact this shift has made on my life—but to crystallize it for the two or three of you who haven't had this conversation with me…yet…here are the top four things that I've learned. Hopefully they will inspire you to get grounded in your own financial life! 

1. Data without judgment = freedom
Here's where I tell you, if I can do it—so can you. Let's just say when I was telling one of my besties about my recent financial enlightenment, she took in the gravity of my life change by saying, "You were always good with money. I mean, you were always good at SPENDING it!" As I was grounding myself in the numbers, I was forced to look at all the mistakes, the years of overspending, the IBAR and all the choices without judgment. I chose to say, "This is where I am. It doesn't mean anything about me. This is my opportunity to learn how to nail this—just like I've done with so many other things in my life." Removing the negative force field, freed me to take leaps I never thought possible. 

2. Detailed tracking makes room for big life changes
Why now, you ask? I was in the middle of a multi-year career transition. I wanted to leave my digital marketing income behind, but I had no idea what I needed to bring in with my new-ish business to do that. I could have assumed I needed to make exactly what I was making in my previous career, but instead—by working the numbers and making some lifestyle choices, I was able to leave that job earlier than expected. When clients come to me feeling overwhelmed by the thought of a career transition, one of the first exercises I advise is to "know your numbers." What do you really need to bring in to meet your responsibilities to your family? With some optimizing, the number may not be what you think and you may be able to make the switch sooner. 

3. My life feels like my own when my spending matches my values
Because I'm a coach (and lifelong self-improvement junkie), I check in on my core values regularly. For example most recently, I've identified mine as community, connection, courage, inspiration and peace. In her book, Money: A Love Story, Kate Northrup asks readers to compare their spending against their values to see where they are in sync and where they are completely off. As I continue to view my spending with this filter in mind, my life feels more like a set of my choices—based on what I want it to include. We're not fully there, but I no longer spend on things because it's important to other people. If it's not a priority for me and my family—we don't choose to spend money on it. 

4. If my daughters learn alongside me—what a gift I can give them
Like nearly all of us, my family's story with money is complex. While many of my family members have imparted useful wisdom when it comes to making money, I wasn't explicitly taught how to save it or wisely spend it. Even as a lifelong feminist, somehow I always assumed that my husband would take on this job. With my two daughters, I want them to know the importance of financial literacy and independence. I let them take part in tracking our finances in YNAB so they see what funds are available to us and how we're choosing to spend. Occasionally, the topic of going out to eat will come up and my nine year old will say, "We should eat home instead because we only have $50 left in 'Dining Out' for this month." She says it with a casual Zen that reminds me we're truly doing this. I'm breaking a family and cultural cycle. I'm standing up for them to grow up knowing that financial control and freedom are possible, as individuals and as women. 

With all that I've learned, the habits I've changed, the life I continue to choose daily—the best part is my pride in turning the ship around. I did that! To be fair, I'm still doing it—but it doesn't make me any less proud. We're on an inspired financial path, with gratitude to a couple of great coaches, a cool tool that makes finance—dare I say—fun, an accountant who was as shocked as me to see my financial prowess evolve, and to everyone who's been willing to listen to my frequent reflections on my transformation this year. Here's to celebrating with a massage that will come out of my "Take Care of Me" line item!

If you're thinking of trying out YNAB, use my affiliate link on my Favorite Tools page!  

Summer Intentions, The Beach And Beyond

Over the summer months, many of us continue in business as usual mode with the same routines—reacting to our email and our calendars set by others’ agendas. We move along in our white pants and sunglasses, with one or two weeks of vacation thrown in for good measure. We often begin September feeling like summer came and went without much remarkable to differentiate it from the rest of our year, save some sweaty commutes and a couple of lovely beach days. Now with summer nearly half over (yes, startling, I know!), I’ve had some time to reflect and ask myself: 

• What am I planning to accomplish during this naturally slower paced time of year?

• Am I tracking toward achieving those goals?

• What will success look like? Will I feel I hit the mark as I regroup over Labor Day Weekend?

After I drop my girls off at day camp at 9 am, I wipe my brow and focus on these things that will make my summer months stand out as a short window of time with a big impact. 

1. Networking
Contrary to popular belief—summer is a fantastic time to reach out to former colleagues, contacts in your field, companies you’re interested in joining long-term—anyone who’s been on your “grab coffee or drinks” list for awhile. And if you don’t have that list, start creating it when you have some down-time (like right now!). The office has a natural slow-down feel while people collectively take vacation—allowing you to have more space to set up fun meetings to connect. Summer also brings out a more relaxed and open tone to these conversations that may not happen at other times of year. 

2. Planning
September through the end of the year is career and corporate crunch time. We’re tasked to: make or beat annual revenue, achieve or exceed professional development goals, spend all the money we were too busy or hesitant to spend throughout the year, and do everything we said we would do in January. By taking some of your summer hours to rework the plan, adjust the monthly targets and get creative about how to re-invest those extra dollars—you are setting yourself up for a fall where you can actually enjoy the changing of the leaves and get excited about the kids going back to school. 

3. Big Projects
You want to learn a new skill? Take a class. You want to write a short story? Block out the hours and write your first draft. You want to de-clutter the kids’ rooms while they’re at camp (very hypothetical, of course)? Get out those garbage bags and go to town. Choose one or two projects that you want to accomplish over the summer. They should be your top priority projects, the kind that when you visualize completing them—you get a physical feeling of relief. If you have ten big projects on your list for summer—go back and edit. Schedule the others for later in the year so you don’t simply cross them off the list. The goal here is not to make your summer chaotic and overwhelming—it’s to get something big and high priority accomplished so you feel like you took a leap in an area that’s meaningful to you. 

4. Vacation Strategy
I have already had my fair number of client calls this summer WHILE my clients were on vacation. They’re often doing some work while they’re out, but in most cases—not an overwhelming amount. Ironically, the fact that they’re not completely disconnected is stressing them out more than the work itself. For people with intense careers that they love, I like to flip the idea of vacation on its head and ask: What are the things you want to do this week that will make it feel like vacation? The answers may be read a novel, spend time with family, grill and eat dinner outside. Completely disconnecting may not be on the list—and that’s ok. Schedule those vacation gems in your days first and then if you need to check email once a day and take a couple of calls—make sure those things don’t interfere with your vacation gems. You get to create what a vacation means to you and once you do, you can use YOUR design as your go to approach. 

Most importantly—to make summer feel like a standout player in your year—make the most of these months by peppering your schedule with those summer-specific things that bring you joy. Outdoor movies and music. Rooftop bars with old friends. Playing hooky on a slow day without meetings. And of course, the beach. The beach. The beach.

4 Ways To Include Men In The Advancement Of Women In Leadership

I have two daughters who believe they can be whomever they want to be. I spend my days supporting women in the pursuit of their dreams and the shattering of glass ceilings. Yet much of my inspiration comes from early memories of my father conquering any obstacle with charisma, wit and unwavering will. While he wasn’t a feminist by any stretch, he believed in the power of his daughters and the world they were capable of bettering. I’m confident if he were here today—we would be having the open and often uncomfortable dialogue required for cultural and generational change. And that’s what it takes: an inclusive dialogue and a partnership where we’re walking forward together. We may not always be in lockstep, but we must understand that we’re never going to get to gender parity on our own.

Here are 4 ways we can include men on the path to advancing women in leadership. 

1. Make the policies more inclusive
Deloitte is ahead of the pack when it comes to policies with its 16-week leave. While it’s not the longest leave out there, the policy is the broadest in scope, allowing “men and women—to take up to 16 fully paid weeks off to care for a family member. This includes a new child, spouse, or aging parent.”* By making the policies open to both men and women around caregiving beyond children—the organization exponentially increases the impact of the program and most importantly the buy-in of leadership. According to The Wall Street Journal, the policy “has the potential to "normalize" caregiving, making it okay for single people, men, senior executives—anyone—to take a block of time off to care for an ailing family member or a new child.”** As employees of different ages and genders are able to leverage this opportunity, more will be able to take part in the vital ongoing conversation about the value this policy brings to both the firm and its employees. 

2. Invite men to the conferences, workshops and conversations
Because of my passion for supporting women in leadership, I go to a fair number of workshops and conferences about the topic. While I’m completely engaged in the content and the palpable inspiration of the speakers—occasionally, I’ll look around the room at the sea of professional women and think—we’re talking to ourselves and that’s why we’re not making any headway. I’m encouraged when I talk to women’s interest groups within Fortune-100 organizations about workshops and we both agree—the content and the spirit of the room MUST work for both men and women. The panel must be diverse in gender and race. The name of the workshop and the marketing materials must be inclusive. This sounds obvious, but I can assure you, it’s often not done—causing us to continuously recycle the same ideas within our closed circles.

3. Find senior male advocates and mentors
Just because you want to be an inspiring woman leader, doesn’t mean you must find all of your inspiration from women. I’ve built wonderful relationships with some of my male leaders throughout my career and they continue to show up for me with wisdom, support and connections within their respective networks. By continuing to seek out these male advocates, you’re including them in the conversation of what it can look like for a woman to lead, broadening their perspective of what’s possible, while giving them an opportunity to be a change-maker via their support of you and your career. If you position it that way, I promise they’ll want to join you for the ride. 

4. Empathize and educate
Men are our partners in moving toward gender equity in leadership and in pay. If we see it any other way, we lose traction and remain stuck. Quite frankly, those men who don’t partner up will be left behind over time—because the movement is hitting a tipping point…this is happening. In my practice, I see women who have been culturally indoctrinated to “want it all,” strive for perfection, feel plagued by guilt if they ever prioritize work over family—and willingly take on the role of CEO of the household. And on the flipside, men are faced with the pressure of provide or perish. Women want to have creative and exciting careers and men yearn to participate more in parenting. As women, if we can empathize with where men are coming from, the pressures they face and the distance they often feel from being able to engage with their families in a real and meaningful way—we can start from a place of partnership in our educating of each other on the costs of how we’re currently living. We can advocate for ourselves instead of stewing in resentment or complacency. We can ask for help, believe asking for help is a sign of strength and believe that the men in our lives are capable of providing that help. 

All of this said, I do live in a reality in which I know there are institutional biases firmly in place—but the necessary disruption begins with coming together, rather than fighting each other. I’m optimistic because I’ve seen this model work, and because women leaders and like-minded men are creating new institutions that will be this change we’re seeking. They will set the example. They will amplify their voices and their results, and those who are smart will listen. 

* Exclusive: Deloitte Enters the Paid Leave Arms Race With 16 Weeks of Family Leave on Fortune.com
** This new paid leave policy may be the smartest perk for families yet on WashingtonPost.com

Intuition: The Most Powerful Career Tool You're Not Using

A few years ago I found myself in a career rut while working in digital marketing. I had done all I could do to follow my own instructions from my post, Love The Job You're With. I was learning new skills and achieving improved results for the business, but something was still missing. I was hungry to do something completely new, after a long career with very similar roles. But what could it be? I was truly stumped. 

I decided to take a couple of career assessments to get me thinking in a new way. One of the assessments provided a roadmap of all the possible career paths best suited to my interests. Number one on the list—Career Coach! While I read my results with a healthy dose of skepticism, given my long career in Marketing (which was also on the list by the way), the idea resonated enough with me that I felt compelled to dive into a fervor of research in a short time. Within 24 hours I'd assembled a matrix of all the Coach Certification programs available in my area, my contacts that had gone through the various programs and the times of my calls to speak with them. The more research I did, the greater my conviction became. I quickly learned that my top choice program had a cohort beginning the following week. I wasn't expecting to be forced to make a decision this quickly about a size-able investment of time and money—and yet every cell in my body was saying, "You must do this!" I listened. 

I talked to my very supportive husband, my biggest advocate and cheerleader. "I know it sounds insane, but I feel like I need to do this. While I know it will be a lot of hard work, I know I'm up to it and I can't remember the last time I was this excited about my career and where it's going." This was a no-brainer for him. He agreed that not only did I need to do this, but in actuality, I'd been coaching my entire career—and this would make it official. 

My intuition was critical in moving me toward my current path of coaching and it continues to be my strongest driver in building my business. While I had some opportunities to hone my intuition in my corporate career, I found that it was not something that was often admired or respected, and in turn, I frequently kept my hunches to myself until they were validated with reams of data. It has taken time to unlearn this behavior and not only begin to reconnect with that intuitive voice, but also take risks in trusting it. 

I see this as one of the biggest challenges for my clients when they walk through my door. They come to me for advice, wanting me to make a slew of decisions for them and they quickly learn…I don't do that! My advice would come from my perspective and in coaching, I help clients tap into their own inner wisdom so they can find the solutions that are right for them. I find that when we are disconnected from our intuition, we're rudderless and stuck—looking to others to make decisions for us and following the paths of friends and family who have done the self-reflection that we have not done. In my practice, I help clients reconnect to their intuition so they can begin to experiment with trusting it and monitoring the results. 

In order to get a taste of how it works, you can try this exercise:

1. Close your eyes when you have five minutes of private, quiet time (even if you have to schedule it!). Say hello to your intuition. Acknowledge that you've neglected it lately. Take a deep breath and let your intuition know that you're open to listening now.

2. Every time you feel that strong gut instinct in your body, keep a journal (or note on your phone) of what it is, where you feel it and if you're going to follow it.

3. Try following it once a day for a week. Note the results in your journal. How did you feel when you followed your intuition?

All of this said, I think it's important to validate your intuition with data—and I continue to do this within my business. As an entrepreneur, I don't have time to do this for every decision. I have learned to go with my gut much of the time so that I'm constantly moving forward. While this may not be possible in many corporate cultures, there can be a balance where we practice leveraging this critical tool as a way to develop in our leadership and to grow in our expertise within an organization. As I develop my own intuition, I'm comforted to know I have an internal compass on which to rely—even in the most complex terrain.