Instead Of New Year's Resolutions, Claim Your Non-Negotiables

There’s only one New Year’s Resolution that I’ve ever stuck with. In 2016, my daughters ages 8 and 5, made me promise that I would only wear sparkly nail polish for the entire year. I love this brilliant take on resolutions from a child’s point of view. You don’t need to punish yourself with six days a week of hard labor at the gym if that’s not bringing you joy (and I know for some it does—power to you!). Simply bring more sparkle into your life. Yes, little ladies. I can do this and I did. 

Sparkly polish aside, it’s the premise of resolutions that makes me squirm: there’s something wrong with you that must be changed. Between your hedonist New Year’s brunch (with Bloody Mary, please!) on January 1 and when you go back to work on January 2, you need to become a new person. Not possible! So why waste your energy and set yourself up for failure? 

Another way I like to approach the New Year is to decide top priorities and non-negotiables. And for these priorities to pass muster with our brains that are trained to need immediate satisfaction—you MUST articulate why these are important to you and how you’re going to achieve them. 

Here are some of mine so you can get the hang of it (and hold me accountable, of course!). 

Non-Negotiable #1: Connection With My Daughters: 
Why: My daughters blow me away each day with their view of the world, their generosity with love and hugs and their comic timing (nearly impossible to keep a straight face!) Plus, they will not be this age forever. I want to savor this time and remember that I created my own business in part so I can control my schedule and spend more meaningful time with them. 
How: Build in solo time with each girl, give them options for how they want to spend it, schedule in class trips and time to go into their classrooms, work with them on a list of activities they want to do with me this year and start enjoying those choices with them! 

Non-Negotiable #2: Connection With My Husband:
Why: My partner, my best friend, my love; the one person in the world with whom I would ever share a room and a life. 
How: Date nights, expressing gratitude for all he does, giving him space to do things on his own and see his friends, more hugs. 

Non-Negotiable #3: Creativity and Joy Time:
Why: The evidence from several experiments is in. I’m my best, most interesting, happiest self when I make the things that bring me joy a priority. And I know when I’m close to losing it that I’ve fallen off track with these things. 
How: Running, quiet time, writing, podcasts, friends, connecting people, reading, Prospect Park, coffee. 

Non-Negotiable #4: Support Women To Create Careers and Lives They Love:
Why: I’m lit up by helping others. Period. Then, 10X that when I can help others in an area where there’s a gap in resources and impactful help available. There’s a problem to solve here and it keeps me up at night. How do we support women in their careers and in motherhood so they feel like they can stay in the game, trading in a life of deep overwhelm, guilt and exhaustion for a life they’re proud, happy and grateful to live. 
How: Coaching, writing, connecting women to resources and new contacts, inspiring, speaking, acknowledging, re-framing, experimenting with new tools in my own life. Being there. Staying in it. Continuing to learn from wise teachers. 

Thanks for allowing me to walk my talk in your presence. Once you’ve come up with your Non-Negotiables, I would find a buddy who can keep you accountable. You can set up a time once a month over coffee or a nice meal where you talk about how you incorporated your NN’s into your life. Acknowledge your good work and see what you can tweak. If you’re having trouble fitting one of them in, re-read your why statement. Is it powerful enough for you to buy into it? If not, give it an edit and see where you land.

Congrats to giving up the punishment, pressure and self-loathing of changing your life in one day! Instead you can jump on the path to living an intentional 2017. Phew! See you there. 

The 5 Commandments of Self-Promotion

When I was in a marketing role at a Fortune-100 Company, I had a mid-year review that started like this. My supervisor looked down at my written self-assessment and uncomfortably said, “Most of the people who report to me struggle with making their work sound important, worthy of praise and even award-winning.” 

Long pause. 

“You don’t have that problem.” 

He may have meant this feedback as a way to keep my ego in check—a plea for me to tone it down a notch, but I remember smiling and thinking, “I nailed this.” For the rest of our meeting, I provided rationale for my assessment with data from my projects and indeed won him over. That year was the first in my tenure at the company where I went on to receive the highest year-end rating and an award for innovation. 

This was also the year I realized that self-promotion, which comes naturally to me, is not an easy fit for many. In fact, it’s something many of my clients, friends and colleagues dread and even resent. 

Here are my 5 Commandments to Self-Promotion that can help you stand out from the pack and be recognized as the leader you already are. 

1) You’re the person responsible for driving your career forward:
Yes. Only. You. It’s wonderful if you have a boss or mentor who proactively helps you manage your career. If you do, you’re the exception and not the rule. YOU are the person who needs to be thinking about your next conversation, your next opportunity and the relationships you need to build. When I hear people blame their lack of promotions or raises on their boss or their company, I ask, “What are YOU doing to get yourself there?” And if the answer to that question is “Working hard.”—guess what? That’s not enough. That’s just the cost of entry! 

2) A small task can make a big impact: 
Sometimes you do something small that changes the trajectory of a project, a relationship or shifts the entire foundation of a company. You made a call. You connected two people. You had an idea. Because it’s small, your instinct may be to overlook it. Don’t. Focus on the results you’re driving or the impact you’re making and not how long the task took for you to complete. Just because an idea came to you in a millisecond doesn’t make it any less brilliant! Make sure you spread the word about the importance of your results with the right people, so that your achievements will be remembered.

3) Because it’s easy for you, does not mean it’s easy for everyone else:
When you’re doing the thing that you do well and you’re in the flow, you can assume that this is how it feels for everyone. Your excellent writing skills can feel like no big deal. Or your Marie Kondo organizational prowess may seem a dime a dozen. They’re not. They’re highly coveted skill-sets! Be sure to talk about these things more than the two times a year you have your review.

4) Be generous with praise, feedback and giving credit where it’s due:
Employees are desperate for feedback and even if you’re not an employee’s direct boss, you take on a leadership role when you’re able to provide well-observed and thoughtful feedback. When you recognize others for their strengths, you create a culture where employees feel appreciated and they in turn will celebrate your good work. You shine when you help others shine and often time’s leaders forget this. 

5) Seize your moments:
If you have a meeting with a senior leader about a project, use it as an opportunity to talk about how well your projects are going, what you’re learning that can impact the company, and how you’re doing in your career overall. These are moments you can use to leverage your exposure, so don’t waste them. They only come around once in awhile…grab your chance! By taking a risk to take the conversation to another level, you’re demonstrating the courage it requires to be in a more senior role or to be in the rooms that bring you one step closer to the promotion you desire. 

If any of this makes you bristle, which it can for some, remember why you’re doing it in the first place. Who do you want to help? How do you want to help grow the company? What kind of life do you want to provide for your family? Remember, by getting your good work out there and noticed, you’re getting closer to that “why.” When people are excited and proud of their work, all of the commandments I mentioned feel genuine and authentically part of conversation. It takes practice, but it’s absolutely achievable! 

2016: It’s A Wrap. Don’t Forget To Celebrate and Forgive.

In 2016, you did some powerful, courageous and generous things. You also did some stupid, petty and mindless things. I know this because I did too. 

You were empathetic. 
You were mean. 
You were present. 
You started every sentence in the hour before your child’s bedtime with “Don’t.”

Yes, we did that. 

Now, you have two choices about how to move forward. 

Option 1: 
Forget about all the times you nailed it and instead stew and ruminate on why you can’t seem to be a good wife, husband, leader, parent, daughter, son, caregiver or [insert one of a thousand roles you play on a daily basis]. 

Option 2: 
Acknowledge all the ways you kicked 2016’s butt AND all of the ways you failed/were human. Reflect and learn from both. Repeat. 

I know Option 1 sounds like a joke, but you’d be by surprised how many people close out every year by choosing it! When you do choose it, you bring all of that guilt and anger into your brand spanking New Year. As my best girlfriend from childhood would say, “That’s a lot of luggage!” You don’t want to drag an LV trunk worth of negativity into 2017! What a way to cancel out opportunities that await. 

Instead, I ask my clients to choose Option 2 and do this exercise to complete their year. 

1) Block out some quiet time where you won’t be disturbed. (Often the toughest part!)
2) Write a letter to yourself where you:

• Name your 2016 wins—big and small. Whatever is meaningful to you.
• Forgive yourself for things you wish you had done better AND for the things you wanted to do, but didn’t. 
• Be kind, be generous and be accepting of yourself. Treat yourself as you would a close friend or your child. Understanding. Loving. Laughing with instead of at.

2) Read it aloud.
3) Leave your luggage on the stoop. You need to make space for new, exciting and creative ideas, friend. 

Now that you've given 2016 a proper sendoff, add one New Year's toast to Option 2. Onward!

Don’t Give Up Your Job Search Over the Holidays!

I’m going to tell you a secret that you don’t want to hear. I know, it’s been a long and intense year. The world is riddled with uncertainty. You’ve been pushing hard on finding your next adventure and you simply want a break from your job search. And here comes December rolling in–you’ve found your way out! The holiday onslaught of parties, spending and debauchery (well, maybe that’s just me) gives you the perfect reason to call it quits for a while!

Here goes the record scratch, weary one: Do. Not. Stop.

Several of my clients are on their final rounds of interviews RIGHT NOW because it’s business as usual at many organizations that are hungry for new talent. During my previous career in Digital Marketing, I, myself, received two job offers during the week between Christmas and New Years. More champagne for me, people!

You CAN muster your last bit of 2016 career search mojo, and here are my top three reasons why you should:

1. The struggle is not real: 
   Everyone else believes the myth that there are no jobs to be found in December, so you have the chance to stand out! Hiring managers are receiving fewer resumes and scheduling fewer interviews, so your resume has a greater chance of making it to the top of the pile.
    
2. 2017 planning is top of mind:
   Many organizations have wrapped up their budget season and 2017 planning in November. Now, they’re clear on the action they need to take and the people they need to execute on their audacious goals. You could be one of those people!
    
3. Time and flexibility is a flowin’: 
   When I was working a full-time corporate gig, I was always a member of the skeleton crew in the office during the holidays. I took on tasks that rarely made the priority list, like organizing my desk and scheduling time with people I’d been meaning to meet with ALL YEAR. In short—people you want to meet with may have more time to connect with you now, than any other time over the next year. Even if you don’t feel like applying for jobs right now, use this time to set up informational interviews and networking meetings with contacts who will be thrilled to talk to another human being after sitting in a ghost town all day! 

This is your chance to make the last month of the year the most critical of 2016. And if you still decide to shut down communication on the job front—you must keep reading, logging your ideas and celebrating all of your wins from this past year.  Because if you’re anything like my incredible clients—there’s a lot to celebrate!