Two years ago, my husband and I hit a panicky moment where we looked at our lives and said, "Nope. Not what we envisioned." 

Too much work.

And yet not enough learning about life and who we were becoming. 

Not enough time with friends. 

Mindless shuttling from place to place. 

Too many screens. 

Not enough art and music and theater. 

Too much concrete. 

A hunger to be in nature. 

A yearning to make a bigger impact on the world. 

We were grateful for all we had—two healthy (and hilarious) children, a supportive community and a rock-solid relationship—but we were on autopilot and we knew it. 

We sat down in December that year with some wine, paper and post-its to build out a vision of how we wanted this whole thing called life to look. We dared to say some of our seemingly silly and audacious wants out loud, having no idea how we would accomplish them. It was a beautiful relief to use our creative muscles while believing we could have EXACTLY what we wanted. We used these goals as guideposts for the coming year and while we weren’t able to accomplish everything—we carried the remaining items and themes into our longer-term life vision. We know where we’re going, for now. 

Since then, I’ve honed my process for goal setting and planning that I’m sharing in my Working Mother Masterclass 2018 Planner. I’ve also highlighted my top tips here, so you can get started right now! 

1. Acknowledge Your 2017
Before you get to work creating your 2018, you must put 2017 to bed with a proper farewell. By putting your past in the past, you open up more room to create new and exciting opportunities for the year ahead. I like to do this by writing a forgiveness letter to yourself for all that did and didn’t happen. Then, make a list of your 2017 accomplishments. It could be as big as "Landed a promotion!" or "Won the Hamilton Lottery." Or as small as, "Exercised today." 

2. Figure out the "why" behind each goal
When you get clear on why your goals are important to you AND you bring some emotion to that why—you’re more likely to persevere during the tough parts of trying to accomplish your goal. One of my goals for 2018 is to turn off my phone between 6:30 and 8PM (or at least hide it in my bedroom!) every night. Why? So that my kids feel I’m there for them AND focused on them during that daily time we have together. Remembering the feeling I want to help create for my girls is what will help me break free of the magnetic force of my device. 

3. Break big goals into small steps and figure out your first one! 
Before getting overwhelmed by your big goals, try to remember that they are simply lots of little goals strung together. Spread your milestones out over the course of the months in the year so you can begin to visualize how you will build toward what seemed like an unthinkable goal. Once you set your goals, leverage the momentum, energy and excitement you have for that goal RIGHT NOW. Decide on what your first step will be, no matter how tiny and schedule it ASAP! The sooner you begin, the sooner you will begin to believe that you’re actually doing this! 

If this is the first time you’re getting intentional about your year—welcome! You’ll never want to do it another way again. The more clear you can get about how you want your life to look, the closer you are to making it so. 

You can use my free Working Mother Masterclass 2018 Planner (good for both parents and non-parents!), pen and paper, or create your own 2018 spreadsheet. No matter what you choose, get planning now so you can start the New Year focused, fresh and ready to begin! 

Run, run, run your fastest mile ever—and then skid toward a grinding halt. It’s not pretty or graceful, but it does explain the December dynamic. You’re doing all the things at record pace so that you can enjoy the cozy slowdown of holiday time. 

While some may see this time as both too busy and too slow for networking, I strongly disagree. This is a moment to turn up the volume on your networking efforts, so you can leverage all of the natural connections, happiness and well…wine. 

Here are 4 stress-free ways you can get your holiday networking game on!

1. Trot out your elevator pitch at holiday parties
You’ve been meaning to revise that elevator pitch about who you are and what you do at your company. Now is the perfect time to practice! As a reminder, your elevator pitch can be as short as 3-4 sentences. It should sound like YOU, your personality, your words and not C3PO, if you know what I mean. Here’s one of my go-to articles with a formula for pitches that work for most people. You’re going to be talking with many people at gatherings with colleagues, family and friends, so experiment with different ways of wording your pitch based on your audience. If networking is not your thing, remember my advice from my New Networking Rules: For People Who Hate Networking—think of it as connecting instead! 

2. Schedule time for coffees and lunches
Many people (like me!) choose to stay in town during the December holiday week — and their days are virtually meeting-free. Reach out to those colleagues with whom you’ve been meaning to schedule time and put a lunch or coffee on the calendar. Choose a fun venue! Most likely, if they’re in town, they have little to do beyond clean up their desks and procrastinate from their self-imposed head start on projects that aren’t due for weeks. And if they’re not in town, it’s a good excuse to schedule time on the calendar for January.

3. Use holiday cards as an excuse to connect
If you’re a frequent reader of the blog, you know that I don’t send holiday cards because the process doesn’t bring me joy. That said, I love receiving cards. I often use the card as an opportunity to drop a note to the senders to see what they’re up to beyond the obvious having a beautiful family and dog. Whether I reach out by email, Facebook or even a— wait for it—phone call, that person is always pleased to connect and hear that I loved the card. Clearly, I know how much effort goes into them! Some of the folks on this list are former colleagues and favorite bosses so reconnecting with them strengthens my relationships and gives me that chance to tell them they made an impact on my life—in a personal way.

4. Send a holiday email instead of a card
If you’re like me and you’re off the physical holiday card train, consider sending an email card to friends and colleagues letting them know what you’re up to and that you’re grateful for having them in your life. This is an easy way for you to reach out and re-ignite your connections while also giving your people an easy way to respond. When you receive replies and well wishes, it’s a fantastic reminder of the wealth of people in your orbit. What a great way to refuel for the exciting year ahead! 

With all of these networking tips, one thing that helps them stick for me is setting an intention. For many, the holidays can be a rough time of year. There’s the appearance that everyone is over the top happy and you’re the only one that is in a reflective place or in a time of uncertainty. Guidance I often give in this scenario is, "You do you!" When you’re connecting, don’t feel like you need to pretend you’re ecstatic about life right now. If you’re reflective, set an intention of curiosity or experimentation. If you’re down, go in with the intention of being inspired by others who have gone through a hard time and have found happiness, or in finding three small things to encourage you. When you’re authentic about your connections, it will be clear—and in those connections, you may even find the energy and excitement to move through where you are.

Written by Guest Blogger, Suzanne Brown.

As a working mom, you’re likely juggling all the things. What are you doing to keep moving your career forward? It’s not only about doing great work. You must advocate for yourself and, let’s be honest, it’s helpful to have someone senior in your corner. I’m not only talking about mentors. A combination of mentors and sponsors is important.  

What’s the Difference Between Mentors & Sponsors?

In the simplest terms, mentors provide guidance on your career decisions and sponsors are more action-oriented when it comes to creating opportunities. Bounce ideas off of mentors and let sponsors open doors for you. In my own career and in the stories I heard in the more than 110 interviews I did for my book, I saw a pattern of a combination of mentors and sponsors advancing moms’ careers.

Mompreneurs and Mentors & Sponsors

Entrepreneurship is a balance between getting work done and building a pipeline of new business. Then there is the long-term business building. No question about it, growing your business isn’t only about doing great work. You need others to share that enthusiasm about your work with their colleagues and friends. Have mentors to help you with business decisions and sponsors to introduce you to potential new clients, team members, and even help you with finding funding.

Mentors

Consider mentors like your own personal board of directors. You want senior people, at least at your manager’s level or a few levels up, so they can understand what you’re going through and give realistic and implementable advice. You want them to still remember how things were when they had a role similar to yours or at least at about the same level. They can be men or women. It’s helpful to have a working mom who can relate to your current season of motherhood as one of your mentors.

5 Tips to Help You with Relationships with Mentors

• Take your time to build these relationships. Start talking to potential mentors well before you want to engage them and ask for advice. Look at your current employer or previous employer if you’re an entrepreneur. Maybe it’s a previous manager or a lead on a project you recently worked on. Talk to presenters from conferences or experts who write articles.

• Be strategic. Set goals. Figure out your needs and develop criteria for the right fit. Consider personality, style, and approach to career. You don’t have to mimic these, but they need to mesh with your approach.

• Establish communication approach or style from the beginning. Informal or formal? How often will you meet? Potentially schedule a few dates. Where or how will you meet? If it’s a long-distance situation, what tool will you use to meet online?

• Get the most out of each interaction.

• Be respectful of his or her time and of your own. Prepare for your conversations. Know the points you want to cover and send an agenda beforehand if it’s more formal. Be engaged during your interaction and use active listening skills.

• Follow up and say thank you. Follow up after the interactions and say thank you to your mentor for his or her time, insights, advice, etc. A simple email or even a handwritten note is great. If you implemented his or her advice, share about the results.

Sponsors

Unlike a mentor, sponsors will promote your accomplishments and skills, help you make conn ections with more senior leaders inside and outside of the company, and help you get more exposure.

Although I didn’t realize it at the time, I often had a sponsor at the large marketing agencies where I worked throughout my career. These senior leaders saw something in me and were willing to help position my skills to new potential managers or actively recommend me for new opportunities. I considered them mentors, but now I know they were actually more like sponsors.

4 Tips on Finding Sponsors
When it comes to sponsors, the challenge can be finding them in your network.

• Look at your current network. Maybe it’s time a mentor became a sponsor? Perhaps a previous manager or manager’s manager?

• They showed an interest in your career previously. Consider conversations you might have had with senior leaders about your career path. Those are the people who could be great sponsors.

• Consider previous projects. If you’ve worked on a high-profile project in the past few years, consider reaching out to someone senior who seemed impressed with your work. He or she has already seen you in action and understands what you’re capable of.

• Find a sponsor whose legacy you can support. According to Sylvia Ann Hewitt’s Harvard Business Review article, sponsors can be looking for someone to help support their legacy with the company or industry. If you can fit into their legacy and you’re interested in their support, it might be the perfect fit.

What Can You Do for Your Mentor & Sponsor?

Both of these types of relationships should be a two-way street. How can you help your mentor or sponsor? Sure, they want to mentor or sponsor someone, but there is more to it. Hewitt suggests that you offer to share your knowledge or skills as it relates to projects he or she is working on. When in doubt, ask what he or she needs and how you can help. Share relevant articles that your read and explain why you’re sending them. Introduce him or her to the right resources, if it’s not you. Be generous with your time and knowledge and share what you find. Already have a relationship with a mentor or sponsor? How did you find him or her? How do you keep that relationship going? What advice would you give other working moms looking to find mentor and sponsors?

Suzanne Brown is a strategic marketing and business consultant, TEDx speaker, and work-life balance and professional part-time working mom expert and advocate. She is the author of a recently published book, Mompowerment: Insights from Successful Professional Part-time Working Moms Who Balance Career and Family. Her book, available on Amazon, is filled with her own experience and research combined with stories, insights, and advice from more than 110 interviews with professional part-time working moms. She empowers moms to think differently about their career approach and provides guidance on engaging in their career and being the moms they want to be. You can read more about mentors and sponsors and other topics for busy, working moms on her weekly blog: www.mompowerment.com/blog. Suzanne, her husband, and their two active young boys live in Austin, TX. 

Marriage and parenting can fall into the "you don’t know what you don’t know" category. You don’t know what you should have agreed upon until you’re full-fledged, certifiably—IN IT! Until the 1000th dirty sock you pick up off the floor makes you blow a gasket. Or when you feel like you’re dragging your infant to every family wedding and bar mitzvah across state lines, only to pass her around to total strangers for hours instead of spending cozy, quiet time with her. Or when your partner says, "Honey, you never laugh anymore." And you say, "BECAUSE NOTHING IS FUNNY!" Like I said, in it. 

Partnered parents can spend a lifetime locking horns or brewing under-the-surface resentments. Ideally you would have known exactly what conversations to have before you braved this whole parenting adventure together. Somewhere under the rainbow you are in lockstep—but rainbows are so temporary and we live in this reality, with opinionated aunts, uncles and in-laws. The good news is, there’s still time to talk it through. 

Here are two of the most common topics I see warranting open, empathetic, patient discussion for partnered parents. While of course, there are others to discuss, when couples begin to see progress in these two areas, some of the other conversations around career, life and dreams begin to open up with possibilities instead of roadblocks. 

1. Your approach to including extended family
Family can be quite a polarizing topic and approaches can vary widely in different cultures. So, when you put two different cultures together in a marriage and raise the stakes with a child—you get a lot of room for discussion and debate on how closely involved your extended families will be in both parenting and your lives in general. 

My recommendation is that you and your partner become a unified front with a single message to family. You two work together to agree on how inclusive your immediate family will be. You choose what is important to your new family and which traditions, holidays and birthdays will be celebrated where and with whom. If you are not together on this, resentments will grow and you may feel you are constantly on the defensive due to an overwhelming influence from extended family members. 

Know that both of your families will be disappointed sometimes. And when those moments come—whether it’s with plates flying across a dining room or with a look that can sear through you like a laser—take a moment to let all parties involved know that you understand this may be hard and you care about each of them, but doing what you and your partner feel is best for your immediate family is priority. Setting boundaries will not be easy, especially in the beginning, but if you and your partner discuss what’s not working for you, create a plan together and continue to be aligned—it does get easier. 

2. The desired division of labor
Here’s where we need a cultural reset. If you grew up with a stay at home parent and now you’re in a partnership where both you and your partner work full-time, assume there needs to be a complete disruption in the cultural norms of who does what around the house. If you are the partner who feels completely overwhelmed by not only the number of tasks you’re doing, but also the number of family related roles for which you’re the one in charge, you’re due for this sit down with your partner, ASAP. If you’re the one who wishes your partner wasn’t so negative and "naggy" all the time, you can bring up this topic with empathy and a willingness to listen. 

When it comes to dealing with what’s now being called "the mental load" of parenting and family life, it’s important to separate the feelings that come from the unequal division of a task and how you can better distribute. It’s communicating things like, "When you’re sitting on the couch watching TV while I’m doing a steady stream of dishes, folding laundry, making lunches and unclogging the sink, it makes me feel like I’m in this alone. I’m angry and overwhelmed and I need your help in making a change." And, "When I try to help, you tell me I’m not doing things right so I’ve basically given up trying. When I can’t do things in a way that you approve of—I feel helpless, useless and see us growing farther apart." By working through some of the emotions that have built up around the division, you’re setting yourself up to approach the tasks at hand with clearer heads and a commitment to help each other through. 

Then when it comes to the actual tasks, I like to take a page from one of my favorite books on this topic, Tiffany Dufu’s, Drop The Ball, where she recommends that partners create a spreadsheet (or list with paper and pen) of all the tasks, determine which are the most important and must be done and assign them to someone "in the village." This could be either partner, the kids (if they’re old enough), extended family members, babysitters, neighbors, etc. And then choose the tasks that together you’ve decided you will not do. Don’t assign them to anyone and work to release any guilt you may have around not doing them. Meet about your list weekly or twice a month to reduce the urge to nag about tasks not completed. 

As with any weighty topics you discuss with your partner, they’re best done 1) while you’re alone 2) in a calm environment and 3) not in the heat of an argument. When you’re in an argument, you will most likely say things you would never say with a clear head. I recommend that before the conversation, you do something that brings you energy like exercising, chatting with a close friend, or listening to music you love. When you do those tasks that bring you energy, you reduce stress and become more open to possibilities. And for these intense topics—you’ll want to get your creativity muscles working to their peak performance. These are not easy conversations and things may never match the ideal in your mind, but the more you work through them and acknowledge your progress, the more you can commit to each other that you will continue to practice. 

Last Sunday, my husband and I took our two kids and two of their friends on a long walk to a teeny theater where we saw (and participated in) a Family Improv show. As we took in the sunny Sunday in our neighborhood, with four kids who were beaming with the anticipation of being entertained—I had one of those moments where I realized—this is what it’s all about. 

Their joy was contagious. I halted all of my hurrying and lingering worries about getting four slow moving children to a destination on time. Instead, I felt a warm calm come over me and I was grateful for every aspect of that moment. 

I was grateful that I…

Was able to completely disconnect from my business to be with the people I love.

Could hear the kids’ laughter before the show even started. 

Was watching them hold each other’s hands, knowing that they already have close friends that feel like family. 

Live in a neighborhood where we can walk to a Family Improv show. 

When I have these moments, my gut instinct is often to keep going, keep doing and continue with the busyness of my day. And yet, in the few years since I’ve restructured my life, created more space and awareness of what’s working and what’s not—I’ve begun to practice presence in these moments. I know that when I stop and truly take it in, I’m changed. 

Here are three ways practicing gratitude has helped me create a life and career I savor:

1. It pulls me out of stress and negativity
When I feel the pressure of a stressful situation, where I may feel stuck or without control, I create some time for myself to either think about all the things I have or do something I’m thankful to be able to do. Going for a run or walk reminds me of my good health and that I have another day where it’s possible for me to do this powerful thing for my body and mind. 

2. It gives me motivation to work through the tough bits
Even dream careers are not easy! There are moments when I’m struggling to do something I’ve never learned to do or nights my daughters cry if I have to be out in the evening. Those are times I choose to be grateful for a career where I’m constantly learning. I also think about having a partner who is warm and loving and quite accomplished at taking over parental duties when I’m not around. And about daughters who see that with hard work and belief, women can run their own businesses and become financially independent. It’s those things that pull me over the hurdle of the discomfort and tears. 

3. It reminds me that I’m creating a life based on what’s important to me
My moment of gratitude when I feel I’m fulfilling on my vision is my victory lap. This is what it’s all for. This is what I’m creating. Taking the time to acknowledge it, celebrate it and truly feel it with every cell of my being is what reminds me—this is possible and I’m doing it. 

Luckily, the show exceeded everyone’s expectations (which was tough to do). My 9-year-old went up on stage and channeled intense visions of hot lava and pink fluffy unicorns. And when the emcee asked for audience suggestions about something you’re thankful for, my 6-year-old raised her hand and called out, "My family!" My husband and I, on either end of four rapt children gave each other a smile and a telepathic high five. This is possible and we’re doing it. 
 

As my husband prepared his Thanksgiving assignments last week, I looked down at our list of family members and their delicious sounding contributions. My heart was full. And yet I was also struck by a deep pang, knowing our Thanksgiving Coordinator in Chief was not listed. 

Ever since my Aunt Marilyn's stroke in February and passing in April, there have been the day-to-day losses and grief, but we all knew this day would come, and felt lucky every moment that it wasn't yet here. On the ride to the cemetery back in the spring, my cousin read our minds by saying one word aloud. Thanksgiving. We all breathed out, spending the rest of the ride thinking—is it even possible to do this without her?

My family has been in this place before. The first Thanksgiving after my parents passed, I was 12, and we decided that it would make us feel better to do something completely different—go out to dinner. We were wrong. The quaint George Washington Manor didn't quite know what hit them, when we sent nearly every dish back to the kitchen and fought tears because the stuffing had thyme. They hated thyme. 

This year, as an adult who has been through many losses, I know that no matter where we hold this family event and what we eat, there will be someone missing. Everything will taste different. Everything will feel different. And yet in order to move through, we simply need to do it and acknowledge that we are different. 

We will recreate the stuffing, the best we can. No thyme. 

We will retell the stories in the warmth of the people who loved her the most.

We will let ourselves fall apart. 

We will be thankful for all we have and the many years we had together. 

We will be open to creating something new.

We won't judge ourselves if we're not ready. 

Knowing my experience of loss inside and out, the first of any moment without my person is the worst for me. However, I have also found it to be a time and space for true healing. This is hard, and it hurts, and I wish it wasn't happening, but it is possible to live through it. I've lived through it before, and I will again. 

Luckily, the clichés are true. Working through deep losses has made me stronger, and this holiday will be no exception. Learning to live one more—very important—day without her will make me a little bit more of who I am, a little bit new and a lot of what she loved about me. 
 

I don’t send holiday cards anymore. So, for those of you who thought you fell off my list, it’s actually the list that’s fallen off the list. 

I know for many these cards bring a lot of joy—and I do love seeing the cards I receive. But serious stress would set in when I had to find the perfect photo and assemble the list of woefully out of date addresses. My resentment only grew as the return to sender cards would arrive and I inevitably became the default fixer of the mess.

Three years ago, on a particularly busy year, I turned to my husband and said, “I don’t know why we’re doing this every year and I’m done with it.” He expressed mild disappointment, but knew he didn’t want to sign up for the task—so we stopped, without saying more than a few words about it. 

As the flurry of perfect baby and puppy photos began wallpapering our home in early December, I felt a few moments of shame and regret. And then I thought about all of the other amazing things I had done that fall instead of assembling the pieces of this project:

1. Ran a marathon

2. Made a baby shower for a terminally ill friend

3. Started a career transition

It was clear I gave up something that was meaningless and time consuming to me for things that were yes—time consuming—but also core to who I am and what fuels me. Of course, giving up on holiday cards was a small tweak to my life, but it was an experiment that gave way to larger changes on how I CHOOSE to spend my precious time and energy. 

When you say “no” to something that feels like a drain on your life—no matter how small—you’re opening space to say “yes” to things that are meaningful to you. I must warn you, that once you get started, these moments of rebellion are delightfully satisfying. Get ready. 

Take these steps to start saying “no” to things so you can shift your priorities:

1. Make a list of all the tasks (or in some cases, people!) that are both time-consuming and energy sucking. Call it “Drains.”

2. Create a 2nd list of things you’re dying to do, but feel you don’t have the time. Call this one, “Dreams.”

3. Go back through your Drains list and put a star next to the items for which absolutely nothing would happen if you stopped doing them. (Why you continue to do them could be the subject of several other posts.)

4. Write down how it would feel to give up these drains.

5. Choose 1 Drain to give up and 1 Dream to add.

6. Figure out a way to celebrate making this change. You’re practicing living a life made up of your choices. It may seem small at first, but it’s a symbol of what’s possible.

While you’re celebrating, a special shout-out goes out to the toughest drains on your list—people. You need not aim to change the people on your list, but rather change your behavior toward them. 

There may be people on your list who don’t support you when you’re doing things that are important to you. It’s ok that they don’t support you. Not everyone must support you in everything you do. But it’s not helpful for you to continue to talk about it with them or to try to convince them. You can set a boundary that you understand their point of view, you respect it, but it’s no longer helpful for you to discuss whatever that topic is that brings you pain—and by the way—is going nowhere. How much time could you have back in your life if you weren’t trying to convince others of your worth or the “rightness” of your decisions? 

For some of you, you might just be able to check off that triathlon from your bucket list and for others, you could at least fit in more time with the best friends you never get to see. 

Whatever dreams you create in your life, it’s thrilling to know that you have the power to make these shifts whenever you’re ready to do so. 

The choice is yours. 
 

Among crumpled tissues and throat drop wrappers sits my laptop and my PSA to you. Fighting the urge to put my head back down on the pillow, a foggy head that begs to be horizontal, I tell myself—just one more thing and you can rest. It's a cold. Nothing more, nothing less—so why does it feel like I should throw in the towel on this day, on this week, on this whole thing called self-employment?

The worst part of it is—I did this to myself. Ouch, it hurts writing that. I've given up on my supplements regimen for months. I stayed up until the wee hours all week. I ate too much sugar. I consumed too much news (hello, cortisol!). These things strung together when I was 23 would have been called, "life"—but two decades later, my body is sticking me with a "time out". Hopefully I will learn my lesson this time around. 

In order to continue to do what I love—helping my clients and being there for my family—I must be able to take care of this body, which has made its needs very clear. 

Yes, there will be times when my energy is high, when I'm in a good groove with running and exercising, eating leafy greens like it's my job—and then there are the times when life happens and I'm lucky if I sneak in a 2 mile run between sessions. For those times, I'm taking a page from my tech colleagues. 

Let's define our Minimum Viable Self-Care Routine! 

Without it, we are non-functional. 

With it, we're not our ideal vision of success—but we're operating, we're in action—and for the love—it's a starting point! 

If you know what's worked for you in the past, but have fallen off the wagon, think through ways that you can re-ignite your commitment. Feeling like I do right now (she says, red nose aglow!) is definitely a motivator to do something different, but knowing myself, I'm also clear I must sweeten the deal. 

My Minimum Viable Self-Care Routine will include simple things I know work for me:

1) Mostly clean, always gluten-free eating
2) Running 2-3 times a week
3) Daily supplements
4) 8-9 hours of sleep

Plus, things that can make me excited again about re-committing:

1) Trying out a new fun exercise class like kickboxing (who's in?) 
2) A new evening wind-down routine that acknowledges all I've accomplished that day and is a reminder that I can let go (The sleep struggle is real no matter how articulate Arianna Huffington is on the topic!) 

Because this is my MVSCR (who doesn't need another easy to remember acronym?), I am NOT going from head cold to 6 days a week at the gym or Whole 30. While I know I'm drawn to quick fix, dramatic life overhauls—I also know they don't work for me. I find that sometimes getting back to basics and committing to the no-brainer stuff clears the way for the possibility of bigger changes down the line. So I will take these baby steps to get back on track, but first—it's all about that nap!