Life beyond the kids: Halloween Edition

Happy Halloweeeeeeen! If you love this holiday – I wish for you...

Zero costume malfunctions.
Generous sharing of the kids’ haul – especially on the Reese’s front.
And inspiration from all the creative costumes in your neighborhood.

If you’re not so into the spirit – I highly recommend you buy a bag of your favorite candy and indulge in a show you’ve been wanting to binge.

There’s room for all of us here on 10/31.

In our household, something hit us a little quicker that we expected. Our kids made their own plans in the neighborhood and they announced them one night at dinner.

My husband and I looked at each other like – well...what the hell are we doing?

Of course with the kids being 12 and 15, this is happening more often.

Yet, on days like Halloween the standard fare used to be – plan the costume for weeks, leave early from work, have an early quick dinner, get out in the hood on the least crowded routes and spend way too long counting and trading candy before dragging them to bed.

And now…gulp…we’re not so needed for the planning or any of it.

I try not to panic in these moments when I’m reminded the number of years my kids will live with us and be part of our daily lives is shrinking.

I have time to get used to the idea and the grief that comes along with it. Their growing independence simultaneously fills me with pride and strikes like a ticking clock. The loud kind.

What makes me feel better is thinking 1) Even with distance, we can still be close and 2) There are a lot of meaningful projects I will have time to pull off (I mean…how about that book I’ve been threatening to write for – well – my whole life. The one that continues to not write itself?!).

In my work, I see many women in mid-life and while it’s hard for all of you with kids under 5 to believe this will ever happen – you get a lot more bandwidth as the years go on and the kids grow up.

Part of the work is planning on how to spend that time in a meaningful way that aligns with your values and makes use of your superpowers. It’s about learning all of the things you’ve wanted to learn – just because you want to learn them and not because you have to justify it’s more important than meal prep for the week.

So on this day, my husband and I decided we will put our dog Taco in his taco costume (as we’ve done for the past couple of years) and take a spin around our beloved neighborhood that ALWAYS brings their A game on Halloween.

Sidenote – every time someone recognizes our pup’s costume and yells - “A TACO!!”, he howls back and wags his tail like crazy as if to say - ”They know me!!!”

So we know it will bring us joy. And we still have the precious time to debrief with the kids at the end of the night.

What’s important to me and what I share with clients is that you can be both present in these years and plant the seeds for later.