Two weeks ago, I woke up on a Saturday to learn an email that I was supposed to send to 6 people, was sent to nearly 1000.

Gulp.

A few years ago I would have spent some QT in a shame spiral, wondering why I even bother with this entrepreneurial journey or marketing or building a community or [insert high stakes part of my life here].

But, instead I took some time to write an email apologizing and acknowledging what it feels like to make a mistake so publicly.

It felt honest and compassionate and human. All the ways I strive to show up for the people in my life. I wrapped it up by late morning and took a walk in the park.

I returned to the most beautiful responses flooding my inbox.

“Thank you for modeling how to move through making mistakes. I struggle with this!”
“This email is probably one of my favorite Rachel emails.”
“I love this and I love you.”

It made me realize how hungry we are to live in a world where we can make mistakes without punishing ourselves. How we can learn to do better and also be clear with our people.

It also reminded me of my gratitude for you and all you’ve seen me through over the years as we learn together.

I will never promise to be 100% perfect. Yet, I will always be 100% committed to this work, supporting you and breaking the cycle of expecting something from any of us that’s unattainable.

Lately I’ve been wrestling with the idea of ambition. While I’ve worked hard throughout my life, every time I’ve tried on the word ambition, it never seemed to fit.

In truth, it always smelled a bit like gaslighting.

At the heart of the American Dream, it’s the lore we tell and retell to justify long work hours at the expense of personal health, happiness and wellbeing.

So, when I hear some of my clients fear they’ve lost their ambition in the busyness of early parenthood or in the endlessness of the pandemic, I say…

Or…maybe you woke up to what’s important to you in your life right now, your true priorities.

Ambition, to what end?

For me, instead of ambition there’s…

Curiosity

Meaning

Impact

Creativity

Relationships

If you’re waking up to the fact that your ambition may be on someone else’s terms or definition of success, I invite you to think about how you can recalibrate so that you’re working toward what’s important to you.

For those of you who do connect with the word ambition…and no shade if you do.
I’m curious to hear what it means to you and how it works as a driver in your career and life.

Often clients come to me feeling stuck and torn on what they should do next.

They may...

Have deep relationships at their current organization, but still have a gut feeling that it’s time to go.

Be bored and dragging their feet on doing that same task for the gazillionth time.

Be "quiet quitting." Phoning it in, waiting for a lightning bolt to strike them with an idea for what’s next .

Even as someone who is prone to epiphanies, I must admit – the idea for what’s next rarely arrives with the sudden impact of a lightning bolt. (Sorry to deliver such disappointing news!)

So, what’s missing for most of these clients who are in a stuck place?

Learning.

They’re not growing as leaders, picking up new skills, stepping into new industries, solving new hairy problems.

I often hear that they don’t like change and they’re risk averse so it feels safer to stay where they are.

But here’s the rub...

The very thing they fear is what will pull them out of their self-constructed box.

It’s the new, the change…and yes…even the risk that will be the ongoing fix.

With all this in mind, I like to take the "Always Be Learning" approach to careers. Rather than the harsh and critical Alec Baldwin monologue about it, I prefer to imagine a curious and joyful Ted Lasso dropping quotable gems to explain why it’s important and how it works.

And no, not Jason Sudeikis. I do mean Ted Lasso, because…maybe he’s real.

Even if you want to stay in your role in the next year, what is your plan for learning and growth? Sometimes it’s this plan that can make you fall back in love or even like with where you are right now.

And when you do know you’re ready for a next step, don’t only look for what you can learn in the beginning of the new gig. Make sure there is a path and a respect for ongoing learning and new opportunities within the role. That is what can make it a more sustainable and potentially longer term prospect for you.

What’s your ABL plan for this year? If up-leveling your leadership or a career change are a part of it, sign up for a Clarity Call here: rachelbgarrett.com/clarity

I've been reflecting a lot lately on toxic leadership and its outsized impact on our respective careers and professional confidence.

It comes in many flavors…

The absent leader who leaves you hanging with no direction, nor support on the most controversial and challenging projects.

The micro manager who questions and disregards your insights and expertise.

The boss who uses a sharp tongue to chastise your every minuscule misstep.

While intellectually, we can wrap some compassionate context around these traumatic professional experiences to realize – we did our best in tough situations, with difficult people – the pain of the shame can continue to live within us, holding us back from taking our next big career moves.

As someone who has spent time in and out of therapy for much of my life in order to navigate the multiple traumas of my own childhood, I’m often drawn to the concept of reparenting for my healing.

The idea that, in adulthood, you can work to give yourself the love, the language, the boundaries, the safety you didn’t get in your childhood.

So, when I continue to hear fear emerge when clients are thinking about a next career move…

And it stems back to the traumatic moments at the hands of managers who didn’t handle relationships with care, who broke their trust, who said the mean and hurtful words, or worse took action against them without saying anything at all, I wonder…

How can we 'relead' ourselves toward healing?

What did I need to hear from my leader in that moment where I made a mistake?

How would I want to be recognized for a crisis I managed that nobody else would take on?

What could my leader say or do to make me feel included, like I belong here?

While releading won’t erase the pain, it can help you practice another way with yourself so that you naturally begin to practice that new way with the people and teams that you lead. Like reparenting, it could be a way of breaking an unhealthy cycle.

Knowing this new way is available to you, can both help you get clear on all you’re capable of for a new gig and know what you WILL NOT tolerate for your own leader. If the role checks all of your boxes EXCEPT your boss is a total a-hole – it’s a no go. Move right along.

I’d love to hear what you think releading could look like for you as you continue to move forward in your own careers.

So, you had your first interview in a looong time. Now what?

Let’s get the easy, tactical thing out of the way.

Yes, the answer is - you DO need to write a thank you note.

After each interview, write a thoughtful note - ideally within 24 hours of the meeting. In my opinion, it does not need to be a handwritten note. I prefer an email (so put that pretty stationary back in your drawer for when you write your best friend an, "I miss you." love letter).

The note should contain a nugget from the conversation so your interviewer knows you were paying attention! Also, if you interviewed with more than one person...send them each unique notes. Interviewers do compare!

Next, comes the most important tool in your interview arsenal. I call it, The Compassionate Debrief and I tell my clients to do it after each interview.

First - focus on your wins.

The obvious one being – I had my first interview since 2018 and I didn’t die.

But really, what went well? Where did you shine? How dynamic and spunky was your elevator pitch delivery (after practicing it a thousand times with your dog - thanks, Taco!)? How great does that top look on Zoom? Excellent choice!

Then, without shame and with all the grace you can offer yourself, list the areas you’d like to improve for your next interview. And I promise there will be a next one.

How can you smooth out that story about showing leadership in a crisis with a more succinct and clear approach?

How can you put a more positive spin on leaving a role where you’re still experiencing all the feelings?

This judgment-free zone of The Compassionate Debrief acknowledges –

Interviews are hard.

You may not be good at them right away.

You can learn how to get better at them over time.

The way you do that is with reflection and intentional fine-tuning and practice.

If you don’t get the job, ask for feedback. Even though I’ve found feedback comes only 10-15% of the time, sometimes it can be an absolutely critical piece of wisdom that makes all the difference in your next round of interviews.

Also know that finding a job is about fit. Sometimes when you don’t get the job, you may have dodged a bullet because of something in their culture or leadership approach that was not going to be a fit with your style.

Believe that there is not only one great opportunity out there for you, but many. With a combination of belief, knowledge that you’re worthy of that next great role, patience, practice and prep—in time—you will get there too.

There’s a challenge I see coming up with many of the women in my groups and 1:1 coaching and the related scenarios look like this...

They get overlooked for promotions.

They get layered under new levels of leadership. (Which feels like and often is a demotion.)

They go for the big job and the less qualified candidates (often white guys) get the roles.

You’re not going to get gaslit here. A large part of this dynamic comes from the biases that still live within our organizational cultures.

Yet there is something we can do individually to work against these biases.

We can lift our heads up from doing our good work…and talk about our good work. We can talk about how we are uniquely qualified to do that work.

Some call it authentic self-promotion, some fear it’s bragging. I say…it’s simple:

Share your wins.

Listing your wins for yourself will remind you of your competence, your unique style and the pride you have in the impact you’re making.

Telling others about your wins will communicate what kind of work and partners and collaborations they should be sending your way.

It will help them understand when you’re ready for the next step or level.

Part of the work of breaking through bias is normalizing women’s words about their wins, their strengths…and yes, even all that they want.

Feel free to write back to this email and share one of your recent wins. If you have to practice by telling just one person – I’m grateful for it to be me.

L’Shanah Tovah to those celebrating today. To a sweet new year!

With the move toward returning to the office in some fashion and with kids back in school this month, I’ve been leaning into more in-person meetings and gatherings of all kinds.

It feels like people are coming out of their cocoons and saying…let’s learn how to live in community again. A turn of events that makes this extrovert filled with butterflies and possibilities.

I’m saying yes to the invites and setting up coffees and lunches.

Yet, here’s what I’m noticing.

I’m rusty AF.

And I connect with people for a living!

On a good day I’m at least 20% more awkward than I was pre-pandemic.

When I walk away from an interaction at school drop off or when running into people, I’m often rolling some of the things I said around in my head thinking, “48 years into this ride and we couldn’t come up with something more empathetic? Thought-provoking? Award-winningly hilarious?”

But, the moment has passed and the rumination builds momentum and heft in my stomach with every minute that passes.

I’ve been working to disrupt the spinning with a simple self compassion practice.

I talk to the awkward part of me and I tell her…

That person has already forgotten this moment that’s turning you inside out.

You are working to rebuild this muscle and the road to get there will be messy.

You are coming from a place of truth.

Many people are drawn to your awkward side.

Sometimes it takes a few times to break through and that’s ok. I do find a place of calm in this approach.

It helps me walk into the next gathering with realistic expectations (I probably will say the “wrong thing” at some point) and a way to move through it if/when I do (by being nice to that inner awkward girl).

I hope you can give yourself some grace as you begin reconnecting with your communities. Whether it’s using my practice or creating your own – go easy, enjoy your people. Know if they are the right people, they will see you and love you as you are.

We’re well into September energy and in NYC, the last place in the country for kids to go back to school, we’re feeling all the things.

At our house, the kids are both going to new schools (Middle and High School!) and my husband is starting a new job…so this fall is all about ch-ch-ch-changes.

While I’m someone who’s fueled by change and the buzzy excited energy it brings me – I know that’s not the case for many.

Even with its spicy notes of pumpkin, all the newness and uncertainty that come with September can be challenging.

Here are a few ways I work with clients to move through this time of transition:

#1: Call in the team!
If you know you’re someone whose anxiety kicks up a notch during this time of year or during change in general, get ahead of it. Line up time with your most supportive friends (not the ones who amp up that nervous energy – and you know who’s who). Also, if you have a therapist you’ve worked with in the past, schedule a tune-up or proactive visit. Make sure your people are in place to support you through the potentially bumpy road ahead.

#2: Embrace the mess.
Normalize the low parts and the imperfections going into the change. You know there’s no perfect job or school or new home. Acknowledge there will be times when you’ll be exhausted by getting to know all the hundreds of people at the new gig or that your kid may have a few rough “friend” rumbles. Or even that you may end up cleaning three years of someone else’s oven grease on move-in day. The shitty parts of an otherwise exciting change are real, so seeing that going in makes them easier to process as they happen.

#3: Remember Your Hero's Journey
You’ve been through a few things. So, by now you know it’s possible. Visualize some of those times you made it through a messy, uncertain situation. Hypothetically speaking, how about navigating 2.5 years of a pandemic? What are some of the qualities you have that helped you through this or other unsettling times? How can you put them to work right now?

On our end, I’ve created more flexible time in my calendar to just “be around” if my people need me. I may not need to do anything. And if there is something to do or talk about, I’ll be there during the transition. Teen whisperer, Lisa Damour, calls this "House Plant Parenting" and I’m here for it.

I hope all of your September transitions are going as you hoped and/or you’re getting the support you need for the bumps.

As always, consider me a resource – even if it’s just to say, “My kid said his first day was ‘meh’ and I’m taking that as a win!”