Choosing Rest when the Spin Cycle of Life Happens

April and May came in and rattled me around like a hurricane.

I launched a membership I’d been nurturing for months.

My Uncle Ray, for whom I’d been caring for four years, finally succumbed to his multiple diseases, and left our world.

My 13-year-old daughter celebrated a zoom Bat Mitzvah in which she read the Torah powerfully in the presence of 200+ people who love and support her.

We packed up our home and left for (what we hope will be) a month of repairs.

I observed the 35th anniversary of my parents’ tragic car accident. I was nearly 12 when they passed.

As I closed out this season of life happening all at once, I was tired. I reminded myself that it’s not always like this. Though when you’re in one of these spin cycles it’s easy to think this is simply the new pace. I must learn to adjust. I must armor up and be ready.

Instead of believing those thoughts, I actively chose to disrupt the speed and the busyness and the need to figure out all of my next moves.

I chose rest.

I chose quiet.

I chose compassion.

I chose grace.

I chose to sit in uncertainty just a little while longer knowing that I didn’t need to have all the answers.

Practically speaking, that means pushing off a funeral for Uncle Ray until we are ready in the summer or fall.

It means growing my Career Command membership slowly so I can truly take in the power and meaning and magic that lives within the community I’ve built.

It means continuing to create the kind of family where both at once I’m proud of the stable, inclusive and loving home I offer up to my kids AND also I’m sad for my inner 12-year-old who didn’t have those things. How beautiful that the joy in the family I’ve created has offered a direct path to my own healing that still longs to happen.

Part of the healing is knowing I don’t need to be fixed. I need to be loved. That is a practice I can offer myself with the people I choose, the life I design, the communities I serve and the honesty of my words.

What We've Learned A Year Later

Around the dinner table last night, instead of doing our ritual gratitude reflection, we shared the lessons we’ve learned over the past year, a year unlike any of us have lived through before.

"There is no normal." Shared my nine-year old daughter. "What we thought was normal before, like in-person school every day, now doesn’t feel normal. Even the words…in-person school. I mean…we used to say school!"

"It’s less about what I’ve learned and more about who I’ve become." exclaimed my 12-year-old. "I can do hard things. I can deal with SO. MUCH. CHANGE.

They truly set the tone for our evening and the lessons kept flowing into the night. Here are some others that stood out for us:

1. We are now even more committed to making our schools, work and communities more inclusive and equitable.

2. We often take our physical health for granted…and when it’s gone, there’s truly nothing else.

3. While there’s a lot we miss, we have enjoyed spending more time doing less.

4. We were never in control, even though we thought we were.

5. We all really like each other. How lucky are we??

As we hit this one-year mark, I encourage you all to gather with your people (in a covid-safe way, of course), and share, document and acknowledge what’s come out of this time for you. Feel free to ask yourself the following questions:

1. What lessons have I learned in this unique year?

2. What do I want to remember about this time?

3. What do these lessons mean for who I will BE now and in the future?

4. How do I want to remind myself of these lessons if they begin to fade?

After you spend some time with these questions, I’d love to hear your insights. Feel free add comments, below, to let me know what’s come up for you.

5 Reasons to Love Zoom Interviews

We’re coming up on a year of living and planning our lives during Covid. There are signs that the economy is improving. Many organizations have moved out of uncertainty and have put firmer plans in place for the year ahead. My clients are finding several roles that interest them and better yet—they’re breaking through to secure interviews.

To my surprise, I’m hearing a common refrain among them. "I like a Zoom interview!" I’ve added this to my running list of unexpected Covid silver linings. Along with my daughter’s upcoming Zoom Bat Mitzvah. That’s between us, of course.

If you’ve been flummoxed by the idea of job searching and interviewing during Covid, here’s your glass half full perspective.

1. Travel challenges are no longer a variable. There’s no mapping out your route, wondering if there will be traffic or train trouble. That element and level of planning is completely removed, so you can spend more time actually prepping for the interview.

2. Seeing yourself helps you avoid bad habits. Goodbye slouching, touching your face, fixing your hair or whatever your body does when nervous. While I wouldn’t look at yourself the entire interview, I would check in on your video to see how you’re presenting yourself a few times throughout your meeting.

3. You can stand. If you have a standing desk or high counter where you can take the call, it can be a game-changer for you. When you are standing, you are more likely to keep your energy high. I always recommend standing for interviews that are on the phone and if you are doing many interviews for a search, you may want to look into one of the trays that can create a standing option for your everyday desk.

4. Video peek into the lives of potential colleagues. You should do your best to guard your time and space for the interview. Ideally you want to create a calm and clutter free setting. That said, I’m hearing stories about interviewers with quirky and fun backgrounds or a child who comes in for a hug. This time in which the walls of perfection have come down some can give you a sense of the personality, culture and priorities of the organization.

5. Your notes are off camera. I often tell my clients to write the word "pause" on a post-it that hangs above their laptops during the interview. Our tendency to go on and on can prove challenging when we are nervous. So, this simple off-camera reminder can keep you on-track. Sometimes, it is accompanied by an intention set for the interview like, "Be curious." Or "Learn more about the company." Or even, "Practice interview skills!"

Whether you’re grateful for this shift in the job hunt or you’re dreading it, remember with practice you can nail a zoom interview just as you would have the in-person version. Speaking of practice, you can do this on a zoom meeting by yourself so you get a sense of how you look saying your elevator pitch and answering certain questions that may be tricky for you. Like it or not, this practice may be here to stay in some form—so building your skills during your search right now will be critical in your career in the longer term.

The #1 Networking Mistake

Often clients come to me complaining that they’re terrible at networking. Sometimes they’re doing the work to reach out to their people. They’re having multiple conversations a week…and yet nothing comes of them.

They say, "We had an interesting chat, but who knows what will happen." Or "He asked me how he can help me and I froze."

There’s an easy fix for this common challenge.

Have a goal in mind for each conversation. Each meeting's goal will be unique and most often it is NOT – give me a job.

Here are 10 examples of networking goals:

1. Learn about the person’s role.

2. Learn about the culture in his/her/their company.

3. Ask for an intro to a specific person or company.

4. Ask for intro’s to colleagues in a new city in which you’d like to relocate.

5. Learn about a specific leader or colleague with whom you may be working closely.

6. Learn about the organizational structure in his/her/their company.

7. Learn about his/her/their career transition and tips to making a switch.

8. Ask about skills or education needed for his/her/their role.

9. Ask to send in your application for a role to a hiring manager or HR.

10. Share specific roles you’re looking for so if they hear of them, they can reach out to you.

When you have a clear goal for the conversation, you know if it you hit your mark or not. You’ve also given the other person a specific and actionable way to help you, which makes them feel good, like they hit their mark.

Remember that when it comes to networking, long-term thinking is best. While you will have a goal for the conversation, you also want to consider that you are building a relationship, and this is not simply a transaction.

Your sub-goal is always expanding and curating your network so that you can continue to expand your impact within your career. With this sub-goal in mind, even if you didn’t meet your specific goal in the conversation, you can continue to cultivate the relationship.

Perhaps you will reach out when you are clearer in your own vision of what you need and most importantly you can show your gratitude with generosity of your time and expertise.