I received a beautiful compliment a few days ago and I’ve been thinking about it non-stop.
A new-ish client of mine had a few questions and she asked if we could jump on a quick call (outside of our regular session time) to discuss them.
Extra calls in between sessions are not included in my coaching program. I offer email support and Monthly Office Hours as a way to answer questions that fall outside of session time.
In my nearly nine years in business, this has come up a lot. And like most boundary setting exercises – this simple request has been a complex journey for me.
In the past when I’ve taken the call, in the name of over-delivering, the meeting is not brief and it in essence becomes a session. A session that I’m not being compensated for.
Full transparency – in these moments, I’ve felt resentment bubbling up within me.
It’s the same resentment my clients feel when people ask them for time to “pick their brain” on topics that are directly related to their expertise and their means of making a living.
When you’re a generous, giving human, it’s hard to say no. It just is.
That’s why, I don’t say no. I give options that work for my time and what I know it’s worth.
I responded back to the request, “Feel free to send your questions within an email or come into Office Hours on Monday where you can get answers from the group. I don’t jump on additional calls in between sessions.”
This brings me back to the best compliment ever.
In our next session, my client said “Thank you for your note about the extra call. You modeled what kind, clear boundary-setting looks like. And I needed to know that was possible.”
She tapped into something so important to me. The thing that gets me over the hurdle every time I still writhe in setting the boundary.
How am I ever going to coach clients on identifying and honoring their own boundaries if I am ignoring mine?
I’m holding my lines AND I’m sharing what it looks like to do so.
Not everyone will be this open and receptive to your boundaries – and that’s ok.
You should expect mixed reviews of agency and self-advocacy in our Patriarchal hustle culture. That’s not your problem, nor is it your responsibility to convince them of anything.
But the feeling of my clarity inspiring someone I admire to stand in her power is a lasting gift reminding me of my gratitude for this work.
For most of my life I’ve considered myself a raging extrovert.
Yet, somehow the combination of pandemic life and middle age has prompted me to embrace my growing introverted side. In addition to recalibrating my social life because of my kaput party-stamina, it’s also brought me to a shift in how I approach networking.
And it’s this change in perspective and planning that has helped me truly appreciate and support my introverted clients in all of their networking endeavors.
So for all of you whose eyes just opened a little wider, here’s my…
5-min Networking Guide for Introverts
The “who”:
Prioritize one on one conversations over big events where you’re mixing with multiple people. That’s a lot of people-ing.
Wherever possible, choose people to connect with who you find energizing.
The “how”:
Choose a place to meet that is quiet, calm and not too crowded.
Make it easy for the other person to meet with you with a convenient time and place for them.
Do some research on the other person’s work, organization and career. Your research will show you value their time. And you can do it while you’re by yourself!
Be yourself in the meeting. Be open. Be honest. Be vulnerable. It takes a lot more energy to be someone else and when you’re yourself – you attract the right people and repel the wrong people.
Build in quiet, solo downtime before and after your conversation.
Don’t judge yourself for needing quiet, solo downtime before and after your conversation. You need what you need. It doesn’t mean anything negative about you.
The “what”:
Always have a goal for the conversation. There are hundreds of potential goals that you can get at with strategic questions. (What’s the culture like at your organization? How did you make your career transition? What’s your day to day like in your role?)
Start the conversation with some questions about the stuff of being human – family, weekends, vacations, etc.
Make sure you get to the goal by the halfway mark of the conversation. If you get through the whole meeting without discussing it, you both will feel like it was a nice talk, but neither of you got anything out of it.
Authentically appreciate the other person for their good work (see the research you did, above) and their willingness to take time to speak with you.
Send a thoughtful note after your meeting to follow-up on any to-do items that came up in the conversation and to deeply appreciate them.
That’s it.
It does take energy, but it doesn’t need to be complicated. You’ll click with some people and you won’t with others. When you don’t click – it’s not about you. It’s about the fit – and you can’t expect to fit with everyone.
I look forward to hearing how it goes when you take all of this guidance out for a spin.
You got this, introverts!
In 2021, I had a rough personal and business year. Funny how those two things usually line up. Personally, I lost a beloved family member–which for me brings up the many other losses in my past. And professionally–I was struggling to keep the business afloat. I was doing a lot of social marketing and trying to launch my groups multiple times a year…and something wasn’t clicking.
It came to a point at the beginning of 2022, when I thought about quitting my business and finding a full time job. While I was sending out resumes and networking toward this goal, I also decided to spend some quality time with my Clifton Strengths report to find some answers.
As is typical with my time spent revisiting my Clifton Strengths–I did find a nugget of truth. One that I’ve been nurturing for the past two years and has brought me the greatest success of my nearly three-decade (oof!) career.
My 2022 insight (that is still hard to say out loud–damn you, Patriarchy!):
My most powerful gifts lie within my ability to build and nurture deep, meaningful relationships.
In this newsletter and in person…
It’s impossible for me to stay on the surface for very long with people. I go there.
And my people, they’re game. They’re in. They stay for the long haul and we go deeper every time.
Everyone else…well, they run for their lives. They change the subject. They unsubscribe.
But truly, that’s ok. I don’t have time to remain on the surface. That’s not real life. Not mine, anyway.
So, in 2022 that translated to reconnecting with coach colleagues, therapists, mentors and former clients. Showing up and giving generously in communities that are important to me. And most importantly, spending more time with friends who energize me and truly see me as I am.
The sparky energy I felt for my work and the business results followed many-fold.
In 2023, I continued to focus my efforts on relationship-building by deepening my work with former and current clients. I created free Monthly Office Hours sessions so I could build community and connect people I respect and admire–so they can support each other. I also experimented with new group formats to learn more about what works and doesn’t for the relationships I want to build.
And here I am after year two of the big relationships project and I’m more alive in my work than ever before. It feels aligned with who I am and the change I want to bring into the world.
To quote psychotherapist, icon, visionary Esther Perel – “It is the quality of our relationships that will determine the quality of our lives.”
Our careers do not get an exemption from this rule.
The quality of our relationships will determine the meaning we find in our careers–and I’m excited to say this will be a new additional area of focus for me in my work in 2024.
I want to build a community where we have monthly discussions on all the many topics at the intersection of relationships and career.
Loneliness, boundaries, dealing with assholes, intergenerational communication, networking in your own way…the list is long.
In addition to monthly sessions there will be quarterly virtual networking facilitated by me.
Most important to me…
It will be human.
It will be vulnerable.
It will go deep.
It will welcome all genders.
And it will be less than $1000 for the year.
I’m still working through the details for a more official launch, but I want to put the word out to all of you who may not be in career transitions and are looking for a way we can work together.
If this sounds like something you’d want to learn more about, please click yes below to send an email my way.
Thanks for continuing to stick with me as I delve into some of the more difficult career topics.
I appreciate you and your commitment to finding meaning in your work.
Are you as exhausted as I am from the onslaught of Big January Energy?
The "you’re already behind, your weaknesses are holding you back " vibe?
Side note to the marketers on this: fear does not motivate people long term.
And to the organizational leaders: you can’t accomplish the entire year’s goals in January. So put away the six decks you’re working on concurrently. You’re burning out your people in week four of the new year.
How can we possibly sustain this pace?
As you may have noticed, I’ve been taking an intentionally different approach to January. One that interrupts the crushing messaging about all I need to change about myself and my business.
It’s unhelpful, unproductive and well…unfun.
While everybody else is Dry Januarying or New Year, New You’ing – I’m rounding out my Self-Love January – and it feels rebellious in all the best ways.
I’m writing down my energizing new ideas for the year AND I’m simply letting them percolate.
I don’t need to take action yet and force the ideas into the world before I’m ready. It feels grounding to give myself some time to let the ideas untangle themselves.
I’m meeting the Big January Energy in my people with calm and compassion. Modeling another way that comes from an inner knowing of what truly motivates me.
I’m building wide berths of buffer into my calendar.
I’m seeing heart filling friends and colleagues for coffee, lunch and REALLY chilly walks.
I’m respecting my body’s desire to hibernate on cold, dark winter nights. I’ll meet you for an evening in April.
My self-love January is mostly about self-trust and the belief that I know what’s best for me.
And it’s not anything you’re selling to make me better. I’m already pretty great.
I hope as we round out this month, we also say goodbye to all that’s already burning you out. And if not, we could make Self-Love February a thing too. I’m in if you’re in.
As part of my intentional self-love driven January counter-programming, I thought it would be the perfect time to give some of my favorite people the extra TLC they deserve.
Raise your hand if you…
Inevitably become the glue connecting multiple disciplines.
Are the translator among teams to find common ground.
Prefer the forest to the trees.
Continue to be surprised when you get tapped for leadership roles.
Are confused about which direction to choose because you’re good at most things you try.
Have a nagging feeling that your expertise (or the multitude of them) isn’t deep enough.
Congratulations, friend. You’re a generalist. And you have a critical role to play in any and every organization.
Most of my clients who fit this criteria, first admit it to me in a whisper. Like they have a secret. Or they’re saying a dirty word.
My response: Yes, you’re a generalist! Stop apologizing and let’s celebrate your general awesomeness!
Somehow, in academia and in some corporate circles we began worshiping deep expertise as if it is the only way to pursue a career.
As if anything else is superficial. A path to avoid at all costs.
I’m calling bullshit on this.
Generalists are…
General Managers, Chiefs of Staff, Program Managers, Project Managers, Consultants.
They are also…
Strategic problem solvers, flexible communicators, motivating leaders.
So, generalists, if I could write you a love letter, I would say…stand in your power. Talk about your multidimensionality and your brilliance in being the catalyst that brings teams and projects together.
Add it to your elevator pitches, your LinkedIn profiles, your resumes and your cover letters.
Don’t hide your magic anymore.
We need you.
We need you to lead us more than ever.
We’re halfway through January and you may still be wondering, how can I be intentional about maintaining a career that truly energizes me in 2024? I got you.
Last May, I collaborated with Park Slope Parents on a one-hour virtual workshop where we discussed how to get off the reactive hamster wheel of your career and begin planning and goal setting–so that you reclaim agency in your work.
Given the multitude of goals flying around right now, I figured–hey–why not share the recording now so you have some structure to your big goals. You know I love structure and a useful process!
The recording is now available for purchase for only $25!
The “Growing A Meaningful Career Workshop” is packed with actionable insights and strategies that will empower you to take control of your career journey. From nurturing essential relationships to making calculated risks, enhancing your personal brand, and more.
In this workshop, we cover…
🌱 Nurturing Key Relationships: Discover the power of cultivating meaningful professional connections that can propel your career forward.
🎯 Calculated Risks: Learn how to embrace strategic risk-taking to open up new opportunities and expand your horizons.
🌟 Optimizing Your Personal Brand: Find out how to present yourself in a way that resonates with your values and goals, building a compelling personal brand.
📞 Taking the Call: Understand why taking that interview call at least once a year, even when you're not actively seeking a change, can be a game-changer for your career.
To feel satisfied and content in your career, it’s essential to take charge of your journey. This is not just during a transition, but it takes consistent nurturing and tending. .
Growing a Meaningful Career means ongoing self-assessment, strategizing, and taking steps to ensure your career remains fulfilling and aligned with your aspirations.
As I mentioned last week, for several years now, I've been kicking off my year with a word or a theme that will drive me forward.
The first couple of years of this practice, I would choose a word, then get swept back into the reactive way I was living my life. So by the time December rolled around, I completely forgot my word.
In the past few years I’ve found my word in a new way. I get quiet. I don’t settle on one too quickly. I check in with my body. And I only set my intention when it feels right from within. This simple shift amped the power all the way up on this practice.
My 2023 theme was truth telling. If you’ve been with me for a while, you may remember me announcing it to every corner of the earth last January.
I believed it to be the intention and driver that would glue my butt into a seat to write my story. The book…my book that seems to be rolling around in my head instead of on the page.
In Q1, I talked to book coaches. I wrote outlines. I added blocks of time into my calendar for writing. And I did not write. I didn’t want to.
I wanted to rest. Think. Play in my business and in my life.
I told myself the truth about what I wanted and didn’t want and I felt a wave of freedom. I knew I was onto something. I wondered where else I could be truth telling.
I spent time thinking about the types of clients and companies that feel most energizing for me.
I said no to the people and the work that no longer felt like a fit.
I asked for a rate I know I’m worth. And I accepted not a penny less.
Again, the freedom flooded my body and I felt alive.
So alive that I began to tell myself and others the truth about my relationship to my body. I used to say I was restricting my food to tiny portions and going without gluten for 11 years for my health and my longevity.
But it was really to be thin.
A lifelong ache rooted in childhood trauma and a culture that not only validates this self-harm, but requires it for acceptance and “ok’ness.”
But the truth.
The truth was that I was hungry and rigid and I was teaching my daughters this way of being.
The truth was my body, my whole worthy-of-all-the-love being was done with that.
The truth was that at 49 on my way to 50, with a full life of people who love me and a career supporting women to be their fullest, truest selves – there can only be truth telling.
And so while I wasn’t writing in 2023, I was healing and advocating and connecting and playing with all the extra time that I had now that I wasn’t counting and tracking and planning my completely new life that starts tomorrow.
My body knew this is what it desired last January. It took me until April to figure it out and I’ve been in a healing place ever since.
It’s a work in progress that I will continue in 2024 with a new word that came to me while lying still on a yoga mat.
IMAGINE.
I will sit with clients to imagine their wild and energizing new paths.
I will imagine new areas to deepen within my business and new ways to show up for my community.
I will imagine the words of compassion and love and acceptance I needed to hear as a child, how they would have sounded in all of those memories instead of the ones that made me think my body was a problem to fix.
Because that’s what happens when you tell the truth. You realize the pain was real. That you deserved more and better and when you imagine, there are still some ways you can have it.
I’d love to hear the themes and anti-resolutions you’ve chosen for your 2024.
Welcome to 2024, friend.
As a human doing the hard work to divest from diet culture and the hustley, robotic tools of “productivity” - I’ve been struck in this moment by the strength of my disgust for the concept of resolutions to start a new year.
I have compassion for all the versions of young me who started each January with a new way to lock into an exercise habit. Kickboxing, spinning, barre, pilates, yoga or my favorite – signing up for a marathon.
And all the ambitious Rachels who bullet journaled from 1/1 - 1/7.
Some of them also miracle morning’ed themselves into meditating at 5:30am before the kids woke up.
At the heart of all of these resolutions was the belief…
I’m not enough.
I’m not thin enough.
I’m not successful enough.
I’m not lovable enough.
I was starting each new year with a practice rooted in self-harm.
And that no longer fits with where I am in my healing – even if it continues to be normalized in the culture around me.
For several years now, I’ve been abstaining from resolutions and instead coming up with a theme for the year. I do love this practice and will continue to do it – but somehow this year it doesn’t feel like enough of an opposing force to counteract my resolution disdain.
So, instead I’ve chosen an anti-resolution.
Something I love about myself that I will double down on in 2024.
For me, it is connection and my ability to build community. I LOVE bringing people together. I’m grateful to have this gift and the opportunity to do it often in my personal life and in my business.
More of this 2024, please!
What do you love about yourself that you want to bring into focus this year?
What feels different when you declare your anti-resolution to the world?
What happens in your body when your intention comes from a place of self-love?
Feel free to share your anti-resolution with me and with your people. Change starts with the vulnerable and honest conversations we have within our inner circles.