Last week I went into my daughter’s 5th grade classroom for the school’s once a month Family Friday. Jane’s creative teacher chose the perfect activity for the morning. The kids traced their arm and hand ahead of time on white paper and then that day each parent/child pair collaborated on words and images that described the 9 or 10-year-old and used them to adorn the arm drawing. The parent’s job in this exercise was to "remind each child how he or she is unique and amazing." In reading this out loud, Jane remarked, "This is going to be really easy for us, Mom." Self-confidence, check!

We fueled her arm with powerful and accurate words.

Imaginative | Brave | Kind | Mathematical | Musical | Joie de Vivre!

And then we tied it all together with a rainbow background highlighting the boldness with which she leads her life.

I walked away from the school and into my day’s work filled with joy from end to end of my person. Not only proud to have a daughter who is all of these things, but beaming to have one who still knows she is all of these things.

Then something struck me. We didn’t write beautiful or pretty. Oh no! I hope she knows she’s beautiful. I hope she knows I think she is. And then I realized—it didn’t occur to either of us because in the context of school, in this moment, that is not yet a priority.

Even in my gratitude for age 10, I’m not naïve enough to think this priority shift isn’t around the corner. The hormones, the research, my own experience and that of my clients help me see what we’re up against.

I had an early intro to the importance of beauty by a mom who struggled with her weight her entire life and started putting me on diets by age 5. It was all she knew. It was the best she could do, and I’ve needed to find my own closure with it given my parents’ passing when I was 11. I will never have that in-person conversation with her to discuss how her fraught relationship with my body impacted my life and while it’s difficult to admit, in some ways that has helped me move on. When I have the conversation in my head, I get the chance to say everything I need to say, and nobody disagrees or gets defensive.

I’ve found my peace with my body and I talk with my own daughters about bodies in a completely different way than my mom did. Food is about fuel and energy, bodies are built to be strong and they all look different.

And yet—my appearance has always been a dimension of how impostor syndrome shows up for me in my career, and I know that is also the case for many of my clients. The inundation of flawless female imagery in our faces from birth to present infiltrates our personal lives, but we rarely acknowledge how it shows up in our careers.

Curly hair feeling unruly and unprofessional.

Imperfect skin, feeling exposed in front of an audience.

Curvy bodies snuggly fitting into work clothes one size too small (or more).

Here are a few ways I help my clients work through this flavor of fear as it comes up for them:

1. Move toward compassion and acceptance
In my early thirties, I started practicing what I called "curly acceptance." This is the hair I was given, so let me take a little time to figure out how to make it work—and even make it part of my personal brand. For higher stakes meetings and presentations, I figured out a go-to style that makes me feel professional in any circumstance (or weather pattern). I like a slicked-back bun that is no-fuss on long days with multiple meetings. Also, if you’re currently a different size than your wardrobe, make sure you have some things to wear that fit well and make you feel great. Self-judgment and punishment do not make a leader. The more you remove that pressure and find beauty and acceptance in where you are right now, the more you can inspire others to do the same.

2. Question and resist unrealistic beauty standards wherever possible
As someone who grew up devouring beauty magazines, I don’t keep any in my home. I try to keep fashion, cosmetics and any other industry ads that depict women unrealistically away from my two daughters as much as possible. And when we see billboards or Barbie’s for that matter, I like to point out that those images and bodies don’t exist, that they’re altered and that it’s not our destiny to look like those images. When it comes to playing this out in careers, I work with people to focus on their personal brands and personal styles—rather than the latest trends or fitting into a certain size. What are the parts of your style that are both professional and make you feel like you?

3. Replace thoughts about beauty with those about health and longevity
Step outside the subjective lens of beauty to focus on what you truly can measure: your health. Make sure you’re up to date with all the necessary tests from your primary care physician (cholesterol, blood pressure, etc.) and if you want to make changes in your diet or lifestyle—make moving the needle on those factors your goal. When the way you feel in your pants during a presentation triggers a thought about your appearance, counteract that thought in the moment with your knowledge of your health data and the path you’re on to live a long healthy life. The longer you live, the greater impact you can make. The way you look in your pants has no effect on your contribution to the world.

The key to moving through some of your career beauty blocks is to begin noticing when you’re triggered. Is it when you’re meeting with senior leaders? Is it when those senior leaders are female? Is it when you don’t plan your outfit in advance and show up with two different shoes? This is hypothetical, of course. The more you hone your awareness of what brings out your self-judgy ways, the more you can proactively reframe those thoughts and remind yourself, that like anything—our culture’s expectation of how women should look, feel and be is a construct, and WE get to choose whether we buy into it. Or not.

As a power user and all-around fan of LinkedIn; as a coach who demands all of her clients get on the platform in order to enhance the work we will do—I must get something off my chest.

People are using LinkedIn in a way that abuses trust, annoys active and non-active members alike and is irritating enough to scare away swaths of loyal fans to another platform that is likely to creep up any day now.

LinkedIn team, I hope this is keeping you up at night. I hope you’re currently in meetings to save your solid professional networking and publishing platform. It’s been critical to helping me build my business, find a voice and audience, and help my clients foster relationships resulting in hundreds of job opportunities.

I’ve heard the frustration among loyal users –

Don’t connect with me so you can try to instantly sell me something.

Or more simply put –

Stop trying to sell to me!

As someone who has expanded my business and found new corporate and individual clients on LinkedIn, I have a slightly different perspective founded on the same frustrations.

In my mind—effective sales stems from a combination of listening, providing value and building a relationship. 99% of the solicitations I receive on LinkedIn ignore this approach entirely, so alas—we are where we are.

Whether it’s getting on the phone with a "publisher" interested in my becoming one of their authors, only for her to reveal half way through the call that she’s never read anything I’ve written.

Or when I get a long message from the founder of what might as well be called clueless.com about connecting with other like-minded CEO’s of mid-sized high tech consultancies. Dude, have you looked at my profile?

I often describe my coaching and leadership style as a combination of snark and hope—and to be honest, this inundation of spaghetti at the wall pitches has amped up my snarkiness to a level I’m not always proud of, but I’m human and a New Yorker, so it happens.

When one small business consultant reached out to ask me for a call to discuss the secret to my success in creating a profitable business I love, I responded:

"In short—saying no to things that aren’t a priority! Good luck!"

It may be just me, but I still giggle at that one.

On the flip side, if you want to use LinkedIn to build your business and attract new customers instead of sending them into a tizzy and off the platform, focus on these three things.

1. Long-term relationship building always wins
On a date, would you go in for the lip (or even tongue) kiss after exchanging hellos? If you would, we have bigger problems than your sales technique, but in focusing on sales for now, know that relationships take time to build. If you send a LinkedIn request and the other party accepts, it’s fine to send a longer description about who you are and the value you offer clients—but if you try to close them on something in this next note, you are missing a key opportunity to build their trust. Let them get to know you via your content contributions on the platform and begin to better understand their needs via theirs. Have patience. Give space. Not everyone moves at your pace.

2. ABPV: Always Be Providing Value
When you offer up meaningful contributions via articles, comments or even sharing others’ content, you are seen as a resource rather than someone who is simply hungry to close me or get my business. Yes, it’s time consuming and yes, it’s slower—but I can tell you first hand—I’m cultivating deep relationships with people on the platform because I show up consistently, I listen to their challenges and I mine my experience and my training for targeted solutions. This way, when people come to me via LinkedIn, they feel like they know me, and they often tell me it feels like I know them. Listen, research and pay attention to your ideal clients. This is the way to get to that coveted position.

3. Start with a point of contact
As is the case offline—referrals matter. Find points of contact with your ideal clients and work with your contacts to help you connect with them. Of course, after you do connect with them, please note step one and don’t rush to close. Your contacts may not offer up your ideal clients, but they do offer a viable place to start and return to when you’re feeling stuck. Remember to make it easy for your contacts to help you. Send them a note with everything they need to forward so they don’t have to spend time writing something that may end up being off-message for you. Show gratitude with your network, don’t exhaust them and refer to point two in offering them value. Take them for coffee or lunch, or provide them a complimentary hour of whatever you offer.

I’ve wanted to write this article for awhile in response to all of the one-off feedback notes I’ve been sending my solicitors (that are all over the map on the spectrum of coachy to…not). I offer these words in the hopes of saving one of my favorite tools from well meaning, ambitious participants who may not be aware that they’re coming across as bottom-feeders. But this is not to say I’m doing in perfectly either. We’re all figuring it out, but I know how I feel when I get these pitches. For those of you out there sending them, I want you to know how I perceive them. And if you’ve read even half of this article perhaps you will take my advice. Listen.

I’ve had many wonderful interviews throughout my career. Moments when I knew I wanted the job and that it was mine for the taking. Interviews where I pulled answers out of the depths of my brain and later wondered how that knowledge ever got there.

The opposite is also true. Early in my digital marketing career, I interviewed with a major advertising agency and showed up absolutely unprepared. I didn’t want the job, but somehow I wanted them to want me. When they asked, "Why would you want to go from client-side to agency-side?" I knew I didn’t want to, so instead I started talking and then kept talking. And talking. I lulled myself into such a bored slumber that I felt my smarter self floating above the interview, watching this unending, meaningless soliloquy and tried to send powerful psychic messages saying, "SHUT UP! I BEG YOU. JUST STOP TALKING!" Finally, I did. The HR Manager did not pass me on to the Hiring Manager I was scheduled to meet. I apologized to my friend who referred me and I made a promise to myself to always give 100% to prepare. And now, I help my clients make that commitment as well.

Here’s my interview prep process that starts with the surface topics and then digs deep into reflecting on the challenges that may be holding you back in your search.

1. Your elevator pitch
I see that face behind your screen. Yes, you need this. It’s simply the answer to the question, "Tell me about yourself." You want this to be clear, precise and on-brand. This is your first impression and your chance to have a powerful start. You can get my three Elevator Pitch Formulas here!

2. STAR Stories—more is more here
Hiring managers want to hear examples of how you exemplified the skills and expertise they’re seeking. That said, you don’t want to talk for days without a breath or jump into a story that has a beginning, a middle and a middle. STAR is a framework you can use to practice your stories. It stands for Situation, Task, Action, Result. When working with clients, I often have this nagging feeling to remind them that you don’t say those words as you’re telling the story, rather it’s simply how you organize the story in your mind. My absolute favorite interview article on themuse.com, 31 of The Most Common Interview Questions, will walk you through how to create your STAR stories for the top interview questions. Note—come up with many and some that are within the past year. Some hiring managers will get that specific!

3. Walk me through your resume
This is a common interview request that you can use to tell your narrative in a positive way, highlighting a diverse set of strengths. I work with clients to attach one anchor strength, skill learned or story that demonstrates a top quality of yours to each role listed on your resume. That way, you can connect the dots with those anchor points to walk through your resume in a clear, concise way that demonstrates the breadth of your experience and allows your personal brand to shine through.

4. Where are the skeletons buried?
This is where we dig deep and get honest with ourselves. While reviewing your resume, underline bullets and write in the margin areas where you might or definitely will go negative. Why are you leaving your job? Why did you stay in the same role for 6 years? Why did you take a career break? How was it working with a manager accused of sexual harassment? You know the questions. You know the moments that still make your face red and your palms sweaty. Reframe those stories. Rewrite the narrative in a boundaried way so that you only say what you are comfortable saying. Then, when you’re in the conversation, hit it head on and then move on. Don’t linger in those landmines even if you are well practiced.

5. Do your research and ask insightful questions
Any hiring manager wants to see your hunger, your commitment and your style in the interview. If you’ve done your homework and ask good questions, you’re showing them that this is the kind of person you’re going to be in the role. Also know that this process goes both ways—you are interviewing this employer as well. When you ask questions about the company, but also the things that are important to you in a role (leadership style, culture, etc.), you’re demonstrating confidence and gaining leverage in your negotiations because it provides the appearance that you have options.

6. Intentions and self-care
The day of the interview, do what you need to do to raise your energy and make yourself feel whole—like you. For some, that means planning your outfit the night before and exercising or meditating in the morning. For others it means having a token or symbol of strength on your person during the meeting. If I have pockets—a rare event in women’s clothing—I like to keep my father’s pinky ring with me during a presentation or a big meeting. Occasionally, I’ll touch it and feel grounded, refueled and energized. One of my clients puts a rock from her hometown in her pocket for the same reason. Also, set an intention for who you want to be in the meeting. If you’ve reflected on your values lately, perhaps it’s one of those—connection or courage. For some of my clients, they set an intention to simply learn more about the role or to be themselves. If you find yourself struggling during the interview, take a deep breath and remember, " I can be myself."

As you strengthen your narrative and your interviewing skills, know that it takes practice—and there’s ALWAYS room to improve. If you don’t get the job, ask for feedback. Even though I’ve found feedback comes only 15-20% of the time, sometimes it can be an absolutely critical piece of wisdom that makes all the difference in your next round of interviews. Also know that finding a job is often about fit. Sometimes when you don’t get the job, you may have dodged a bullet because of something in their culture or leadership approach that was not going to be a fit with your style. Make sure you do a debrief after you don’t get a role so you can learn how to vet those wrong-fit situations out within the interview process and set your own expectations accordingly. Because I have the benefit of seeing many people through this process, I know that the tools I’ve outlined work, but the most important thing you can do for yourself during this intense time of a job search is believe. Believe that there is not only one great opportunity out there for you, but many. With a combination of belief, knowledge that you’re worthy of that next great role, patience, practice and prep—in time—you will get there too.

Early on in my career, I was on a lean digital team where I was hired to lead all functional and marketing efforts for our consumer website. We had momentum and a lot of big ideas aimed at solving our customer’s challenges. Our brand was rising quickly in popularity, so we were driving toward fast changes that made a big impact. The one problem was, we had a weak link. Bob.

Bob was a critical member of our team who had been there since the company was in its early stages and he wasn’t moving with the times. He missed nearly every deadline, didn’t show up for meetings and called in sick multiple times a week. And worse—he was our technology lead, so we were at a loss to make much happen without him.

I felt stuck in my role. I couldn’t make any progress without the technical support of this one person. I, along with others on the team, made the case umpteen times for his removal, but our leader—so strong in so many ways—did not want to take this on.

He hoped Bob would improve.

He assumed at some point Bob would leave on his own.

He asked everyone else on the team to pick up where Bob left off.

In my work coaching and training employees on personal and professional leadership skills, I find many managers and organizations have this same blind spot that my leader did way back when. They leave the poor performer to continue performing poorly and the rest of the team to learn how to live with it.

Often managers leave the employee in place under the guise of being nice, kind or compassionate. As shared by LinkedIn CEO Jeff Weiner in a recent Oprah Super Soul Conversation (that is a must-listen!), the compassionate thing to do is to help that employee move on to a role where he or she would be a better fit. Leaving Bob in a role where he is failing is not good for anyone—especially Bob!

In my experience, it’s this skill—knowing when an employee needs to transition and acting swiftly and generously in making it happen—that separates the good leaders from the great ones. It’s understanding how one person can impact an entire team or organization. When one person is acting out or not meeting expectations, it robs the rest of the team of the clarity and safety that helps them function as a unit. It leaves them in a crisis-mode that minimizes their efforts daily.

There are clearly steps to take prior to making such a transition.

• Providing feedback on how Bob can improve while creating a plan together to help make that happen

• Setting clear expectations again on the breadth of requirements of the role.

• Opening the lines of communication on where Bob’s strengths may match up better to a role within or outside of the organization.

And then, if you have moved through all of the steps to get Bob up to speed and he still can’t do the job he’s being asked to do, it takes both courage and compassion to support Bob in a transition toward something new. As a leader, this is a hard conversation, but if you approach it with your core values in mind, knowing the person you want to be in that moment—though uncomfortable—you will know it is the right thing for all involved.

A handful of times in my life, I walked into a moment when all normalcy, all routine, everything I knew to be true—completely changed in an instant. Time stopped and my entire focus was on the present moment.

After my parents died.

When my babies were born.

When Aunt Marilyn was in rehab after her stroke.

Taking the leap from corporate to start my business.

In these times, other priorities faded into the background and the most important task in front of me was all I could focus on. Moments that would have been easily forgotten at other times of my life—brought me into appreciation of all that I’ve missed when I was swept up by the siren song of routine living.

Making it to school on time or falling asleep at night after my parents’ accident when I was 11.

Wondering if the baby needed to be changed, fed or put down for a nap—and getting the answer right.

Watching a once chatty Aunt Marilyn struggle to form a word as simple as "no."

Signing my first client.

Now, after many years, I find myself in a similar moment in time. It’s not as life changing as loss, or birth, or sickness—and some may laugh (I know who you are) at the very connection—but it brings to mind the same slowing down and refocus I’ve encountered before. We have a new puppy that has brought a combination of love and chaos into my life, and his needs have summoned my presence, forcing me to step off the treadmill and re-evaluate priorities.

I was fearful that bringing this new little guy into our lives would throw my business off course —that I would have no time to do what I need to do. And instead what I found was that what I need to do is changing. The number of hours I spend practicing presence with this animal has helped me more easily shift into that gear with clients, colleagues and in my work overall.

I know my slow speed is temporary. It’s not part of my DNA and I’m self-aware enough to get that. But I’m learning that in my wholesale dropping of projects because "it’s not a good time," I am focusing on the parts of the job I love—with the muscle memory of presence. I am getting more energy from my work and the business continues to thrive while I’m working less. I’ve heard this could happen, but living it first-hand now feels like a gift.

Whether it’s because I saw the movie 9 to 5 too many times in my youth, because I have a flair for the dramatic or even because of an early hunger for the freedom of entrepreneurship—I was prone to quitting fantasies in my early career. Just like the joys of starting a new relationship in which your partner seems infallible and the possibilities for a life together seem endless, the fresh start of a potential new job was intoxicating to me. A job where all bosses would be inspiring leaders, all colleagues would put out a helping hand to give you a career boost and all projects were apolitical—keeping the end-user in mind. These visions gave me some time to think about what a good resignation looks like and also conjure up your standard burning bridges scenarios. Having taken both approaches—there’s one I would call a "career lengthening" move, while the other simply brings Dolly, Jane and Lily to mind in some of the more cringe-worthy scenes. 

When my clients are preparing for their big resignation moment, a moment that has run through their minds on a loop (often for months), we focus on hitting these points so they can live this experience in a way that feels true to them. 

1. Address emotions ahead of time
Your meeting to announce your resignation with your direct boss is not the moment to begin processing ongoing grievances from your tenure at the company. Work with a friend, partner or professional to acknowledge your feelings of frustration, anger or disappointment so that you can walk into the meeting composed and confident. 

2. Share only what feels comfortable to you
String together a narrative that feels positive and forward thinking so you can walk out the door on a high. Even if there have been tough moments in your role that have pushed you closer to your decision, it’s your choice whether you share them or not. Know that you are not hiding or shrinking if you choose to focus only on what you’re moving toward instead of what you’re leaving behind. You can set a boundary in your choice of narrative and there is always an opportunity to share more at a later date if you so choose. 

3. Keep feedback constructive
If you feel compelled to share feedback on a colleague, manager or trend at the company, take time to craft your talking points so that they are actionable and helpful to moving the culture or productivity of the company in a positive direction. Provide your thoughts through a lens of being in service to the company and the people you care about who are still there. Complaining and dropping problems into the laps of already overworked employees in the name of being right is not helpful to anyone and will not make the impact you hoped to make. If your feedback involves incidents of harassment, review these steps in Lolly Daskal’s piece, 10 Tips For Dealing With Workplace Harassment and ideally consult an attorney prior to giving feedback. 

4. Express gratitude where it feels authentic
Gratitude and appreciation go a long way in keeping career bridges intact. As you think through your narrative, identify clear and authentic ways you can acknowledge the person on the other end—or the company—for the opportunity, for the visibility or for the chance to learn. Whatever it is, it should feel real for both of you. 

5. Be professional about notice and transition
Treat your transition with the respect you showed your role. Give at least two weeks, document your work and processes, meet with colleagues to hand off your work and help hire and/or train your replacement if it fits into your notice window. Do whatever may be meaningful to the people you are leaving behind so that they can feel the care you put into this change. All of that said, if the two week professional standard is all you can do to ensure you have a short break between roles, you can set a boundary there so you have some time to ready yourself for your new opportunity. 

6. Leave the door wide open
I am proud to say that my biggest supporters in my business are former colleagues and direct managers who were on the receiving end of my resignation conversations. If there are people who you are leaving behind with whom you would love to work or collaborate again—by all means—let them know. Connect on LinkedIn, suggest you meet for coffee when you get settled, send them an article here and there to let them know they’re on your mind. Nurture those relationships at a distance, but with the same care and honesty you did when you were on the front lines together, spending more hours side by side than you did with your spouse or closest friends! 

When your narrative is on point and you’re ready for your meeting, practice walking through it with a friend, colleague, coach or therapist. Note areas that may bring up emotion or where you take a detour into negative land. Hone those bits so you feel calm and clear in your delivery. Do something the morning of your meeting that will boost your energy and confidence like—exercising, listening to a power song ("Eye of the Tiger" anyone?) or saying a mantra like, "Onward!" or "Peace out people." or whatever works for you. Know that you’ve made your decision—which was the hard part—and now you get to live out your fantasy that’s been rolling around your mind for months, except this time it’s for real. In front of you stands the fresh start you’ve earned. 

We all make mistakes. We are imperfect. We are human. For all these reasons, I often work with clients on minimizing their apologizing. We are a culture where (especially as women) we tend to over-apologize. 

I’m sorry I’m not available during the times you are free. 

I’m sorry I didn’t get out of your way fast enough while passing you in the hall. 

I’m sorry I interrupted you when in fact that was the only way I was going to get a word into the discussion. 

In this sea of sorries, each one becomes meaningless. Then, when we make our true mistakes, we are left without words, without trust and without any way to make a difference in even our most important relationships. 

In our work when we make mistakes, one way to repair the relationship is to write an authentic, vulnerable email (not text!) that you then follow up a few days later with a call or in-person conversation. I like using email because it conveys the gravity of what you’re trying to communicate while text is more of a casual medium. It also gives the person on the other end some time to process what you’re saying so they are less reactive in their response. 

Here are a few ways you can make your apology more meaningful in your work or life:

1. Kick your habit of pointless apologies
You’re giving away your power each time you make a pointless apology, so now’s your time to become aware of when you do it and make some changes. You’re also setting up distrust for when you make a heart-felt apology, so stepping into your power to work on this habit will provide you with the foundation and tools when you make the inevitable bigger mistakes. 

2. Don’t make excuses or try to be right
If you use this email as a way to line up your points about why you were justified in acting as you did—you’ve completely missed the point and will dig yourself further into a hole. If you want to repair this trust and this relationship, now is your moment to take 100% responsibility for your actions. By sharing where you are clear you made a mistake and that in the future you’re going to do X, Y and Z differently—you’ve taken the first step toward a possibility of healing rather than continuing to protect yourself. 

3. Be you
Be honest, be vulnerable and write how you normally would write or speak. There’s no need to be formal or robotic because you’re conveying something serious. In fact, quite the opposite. A sprinkling of self-deprecating humor never hurt an apology note, so if that’s your typical approach—go with it. 

4. Be brief
Dissertations in this context will not be read or appreciated. No roman numerals, no footnotes—simple, heart-felt words are your go-to approach here. If your note is running long, save as draft, come back later and edit like it matters…because it does. 

5. Be patient and compassionate about a response
Once you send your note, avoid the temptation to refresh your email every ten seconds. If you notice yourself getting angry or frustrated about a lack of response (after an hour), acknowledge those feelings are more about you than about that person. You’re angry with yourself and that’s OK. You can do better and you will do better, but give the gift of some space while he or she figures out next steps. Feelings take time to resolve and people vary in how quickly they can move toward forgiveness. Your note is not a quick fix. It’s the first step in a longer process of repairing trust. 

6. Follow up with actions in sync with your words
In your note, mention that you will follow up with a call or in-person meeting in a few days and make sure you do just that. The next step toward making things right again is being in integrity—doing what you say you will do. The relationship may take time to heal, but when you’re clear about its importance to you and act accordingly—you’re on the path toward forgiveness. 

Of course honing your apology skills is never license to knowingly disrespect your work or your relationships. If you’re acting in accordance with your values and being the kind of leader you want to be in your life—one would hope this is a skill that would need to rarely be deployed. That said, as with so many of the uncomfortable aspects of living in a world AS imperfect humans WITH imperfect humans—having more tools and a language to help us take responsibility for who we are can move us further down the road towards acceptance. 
 

This summer has been a wonderful combination of downtime (that I’m now ready to enjoy!), experimenting with new opportunities, getting clear on what’s working and what’s not in my business and re-envisioning my plan for moving forward. I’ve covered my whiteboard in my still teenage bubbly scribble, I’ve reconnected with colleagues and mentors to discuss my progression and I hired my own coach to help me optimize this business that I already love. 

When I sat down to write a future-focused vision for my first coaching session, I was swept up by the opportunity to think about the big picture instead of the tactical moves to getting there. I’ve always been more of a big-picture thinker, but coming out of the corporate hierarchy to run my own business has forced me to get granular and address the small steps to building your own dream. 

A few hours after immersing myself in this exercise, relishing the clarity and ease within the life I put on paper, I realized there are many things I’m currently doing in my life and in my career that are not even mentioned in that document. I thought about a revision, but stopped myself. Do I want to include them? I have the choice. How do I want this to look and how do I want to feel in my life and in my work?

As a next step, I decided to create an energy map of all of the things I am currently doing in the business. I listed out all of my business activities in four categories:

1. Igniting
All of the things I do that light me up. The things that make me bounce out of bed in the morning. The things I can’t wait to tell my daughters about. The moments I feel most alive. 
2. Not Sure
I’ve been experimenting with these things and I enjoy them, but I’m not yet getting power and magic from them (and yes, I am seeking power and magic). I may not be skilled enough in the work yet or I may have some fear around these projects and activities that I haven’t yet addressed. I don’t have enough data to decide to do anything but stay the course with them right now. They’re not a hell yeah, but they’re also not a no. 
3. Curious About
I’m hungry to learn more about these things. I may be far along in my journey with them or I may be just beginning. I don’t yet know how they will evolve into part of my work, but I am committed to staying on the path until I know. 
4. Draining
This is not a judgment on the work, more of a statement that these activities are the wrong fit with my specific set of strengths. I’m not the person to be doing this work and by moving away from it, I’m opening up space for more that’s on my (long!) Igniting list. 

Looking at my list, there was some clear low hanging fruit to address that could help me begin heading down the right path. And while the answer is not as simple as release everything on the draining list, it could be looking into what are my reasons for holding onto things on the draining list? Or where have I done that at other times in my career so I can get to the root of the problem and end a behavior pattern that’s not serving me. One of the most moving parts of this exercise was looking at that igniting list and asking myself, “What if I built my career with only those things?” I’m close enough to it right now that it’s quite easy to imagine, but the vision is peaceful and full and I’m grateful to even see these possibilities for my life.