Conquer Impostor Syndrome By Defining The Leader You Already Are

If you’re the only woman in the room, I see you. If you’re fresh off a promotion and feel paralyzed about your next step, I’ve been in your shoes. If you know you must give intense feedback to a member of your team, but you keep avoiding him, there’s a way through this. If you’re the one senior leader on your team without an advanced degree, your knowledge base may feel oh so small compared to everyone else (but remember so is your debt!). 

These are the moments we feel the insidious impostor syndrome that tells us, 

"I don’t know what the F I’m doing." 

"I should have partied less in college." 

"I don’t belong here." 

Our desire to belong in a room, on a team, at a company, in a family is core to who we are, and yet we confuse belonging with fitting it. In her latest book, Braving the Wilderness and in an article for Oprah.com, my spirit guide, Brené Brown, digs into the difference between these two concepts. 

"Belonging is not fitting in. In fact, fitting in is the greatest barrier to belonging. Fitting in, I've discovered during the past decade of research, is assessing situations and groups of people, then twisting yourself into a human pretzel in order to get them to let you hang out with them. Belonging is something else entirely—it's showing up and letting yourself be seen and known as you really are—love of gourd painting, intense fear of public speaking and all." 

So, if the impostor syndrome that plagues us is simply a mask for our desire to belong, and our path to belonging is allowing ourselves to be seen as who we truly are, then our task here is straight forward. We must uncover who we are and translate that into the leaders we want to be. Here’s how I work with clients to create a Leadership Statement to do just that. 

1. Define your values
Choose 5 core values that guide your life. If you’re struggling to come up with 5, a simple Google search will provide you some lists of values you can use as a starting point. My values: Courage, Connection, Inspiration, Peace, Fun.

2. Identify your strengths
What are your superpowers? For what do people naturally seek you out? Choose 3-5 strengths—and if you’re in a place right now where it feels like you don’t do anything well—ask 5 people what they see as your strengths. I find these responses both eye opening and validating! My strengths: Motivating others, Storytelling, Connecting people and companies and pets and…

3. Crystalize your Why
Why do you wake up in the morning? What makes you tick? Who do you want to serve? What problem do you want to solve in the world? If you don’t have this nailed down, go to Simon Sinek’s popular TED Talk for inspiration and clarity. My why: Get more women into positions of power. 

4. Put it all together
Now, throw it at the wall and make it stick together. Don’t worry about using every word that came up in the process. You need not be too literal here. 

As a storyteller, connector and motivator, I’m driven by my courage to seek inspiration in all people and to help them become the best versions of themselves. Fueled by words and transformations, I rise each morning to make a more equal world for my two daughters, by amplifying women’s voices and getting more women into positions of power. 

5. Practice
Before that big meeting, critical presentation, negative feedback session, wedding toast—read your statement. Remind yourself of who you are. Be THAT person, unapologetically. 

Once you decide to stop trying to be John who kills every presentation with his hilarious stories or Anna who wow’s the audience with her meticulous data and research—incredible things begin to happen. You begin to lean into what you do best. And people will notice. They will see how comfortable you are in your skin or they will think you look great, but won’t know why. This is what it’s like to truly do you. It’s self-acceptance. It’s belonging. And while impostor syndrome will never completely go away, your access to your true self will always be your path to conquering it. 

If you’d like some extra support in overcoming your imposter syndrome and taking the reins in your career, reach out to schedule a complimentary Clarity Call with me at rachelbgarrett.com/coaching

If You Want Pay Parity, You Must Talk About Money

One beautiful spring day last year, I met up with another coach for a chat in Union Square Park over lattes. She’d been in business five years longer than me, and we began talking through our corporate workshop and training options. I was floored, relieved and grateful when she broke down her costs for a 2-hour workshop, a full day training and multiple day training programs. 

That sunny conversation sparked me to continue to go beyond my learned discomfort with talking through the details of rates and costs, and forge forward with those challenging conversations with other practitioners I trust and respect. Armed with the knowledge of my market value and where I uniquely fit into the spectrum of my clients’ needs, I can now approach my clients fully prepared, confident and ready to help them visualize the ways in which we can work together to change the lives of their employees. 

In my work with individuals interviewing for new roles or on the cusp of a promotion—the value of these candid conversations is immeasurable. 

You must do your research before negotiating. We’re in an environment where companies are committing to gender pay parity. Your most recent salary is NOT the most important variable in this equation. In fact, some states including, New York State, have made it illegal to ask about salary history in your interview process for this very reason. 

Here are the ways you can do your research before you have the conversation about your salary or raise. 

1. Talk to friends and colleagues
When I bring this up, many clients say, “I could NEVER do that.” If you want to make more money and take a leap toward your financial independence, I highly recommend you get over it and learn how to reframe your question with both your male and female friends. You can tell your friend, the following:

“I have a feeling I might be underpaid at my company and I’m asking around to get a range of what other firms would be paying someone at my level.”

“As part of the current conversation about helping women get to pay parity, one step is for us to be transparent with each other about our salary ranges so that we can arm each other with our market value and support each other in being paid what we’re worth.” 

2. Reach out to recruiters in your industry
Connect with some recruiters in your field and if possible cultivate relationships with them. Reach out to them and ask for salary ranges for specific titles/roles at companies of a specific size. Salaries for Product Manager roles will obviously be different at startups than at companies like Google, so be clear about the size of the firm you’re targeting in your research. 

3. Online research
This is typically the only tactic clients take in doing salary research and while I think it’s important, these websites should not be your only sources. Here are some of the sites I like best:

a. Glassdoor.com
b. Salary.com
c. Payscale.com
d. Comparably.com
e. Fairygodboss.com

As you practice talking about money with your close-in circle, you will gain a fluency and deeper comfort that will empower you to engage in important organizational conversations in order to take the salary jumps you desire in your career. If you feel truly stuck and unwilling to have these conversations, I encourage you to begin some deeper reflection on how your stories and beliefs about money may be holding you back. Wonderful resources on this subject are the books, Money: A Love Story (Kate Northrup) and Overcoming Underearning (Barbara Stanny). You have the ability to re-channel the power that money has over you into a power that can work for you. As women striving toward parity, this is our part of the work that needs to be done to get there. 
 

When Success Feeds Your Fear

A few months ago, I wrote a piece that was truly resonating with my audience. I was moved and beyond grateful for every personal reply I received from my newsletter and each comment from second and third degree connections on LinkedIn. And yet all of this emotion washed over me while I was staring at a blank screen on one of my scheduled mornings to write. 

I was in my favorite writing coffee shop with a great table and the perfect amount of coffee in my cup—but I fought every word my brain presented before my fingers had a chance to type them. I wouldn’t let them appear on that pristine page. They were both uninspired and grotesque. Since the time I’ve begun regularly writing, my process has been to push through. Even if I end up with one good paragraph that can later be salvaged, even if I check my email (including my promotions folder) a hundred times for a break from the struggle, I keep going. I writhe through and it’s not pretty. 

During this battle, as I checked email after email with kind words about my writing, my panic grew. 

They think I know what I’m talking about. Wait until they see this one. 

I’ll never be able to write anything as good as that last piece. 

They’ll unsubscribe, un-follow, un-like, un-everything. 

After taking some deep breaths and watching a few videos of puppies, I rescued my self-esteem and creativity from the clutches of my inner critic and thought, "maybe this next blog post will suck, but the one after that could be my best yet." 

I became acutely aware that my success was feeding my inner critic Sea Salt Caramel Talenti on a silver spoon—and that broke me out of my moment of paralysis. I quickly downgraded my experience by realizing the level of pressure best-selling authors must feel when writing their next book. This was simply a blog post—why was it affecting me like this? 

I now recognize that when you succeed at something you love and want to continue, it raises the stakes and adds a level of pressure you didn’t see coming. Sadly, we often sabotage that success by doing things like listening to our inner critic voice when it tells us that we’re shit writers or leaders or [insert something you desperately want to be]. In Gay Hendricks powerful book, The Big Leap, he calls it, "The Upper Limit Problem." 

I’m learning to manage my own Upper Limit Problem, by doing a few key things:

1. Remove perfectionism: 
I give myself the room for some posts to be winners and some to be well, not as winning. It’s like when you’re training for a 10K or half marathon. Sometimes you’re going to go out for a run that feels terrible. I had a trainer once call it a "junk run." Even if it felt bad in the moment, I was still proud I finished it and stuck with it. 

2. Acknowledge the fear: 
I spend some time with my fear. I ask myself, "Why is it scary when people appreciate my writing? What’s the worst thing that could happen? What am I afraid to become?" And I see what answers I find. 

3. Switch gears: 
For the next piece I write after a success, I choose a topic that is completely different. If the success was in a personal, vulnerable piece, I write something that is more tactical. By choosing something that is completely out of the realm of my latest success, I can provide myself with a clear canvas to start anew. 

As I continue to practice this approach and move through my fears, I’m also finding relief and renewed creativity by focusing on the work and not the response. Whether it’s positive or negative, the response gives me some data about how my work is resonating in the world, but it doesn’t mean anything about me personally. I practice distancing myself from both the criticism and the praise, so I can give space to the questions that drive my curiosity, as well as the challenges I see come up in my work with clients. 

I’m not going to lie, it feels great to be praised for something I’ve always loved to do, but at the end of the day—that’s not what’s going to fulfill my mission of getting more women into positions of power. It’s the work, the consistency and the showing up in the good and bad moments that will fuel my resolve and progress toward that end. 

Level Up Your Leadership With A Great Elevator Pitch

If you’re in a meeting-heavy corporate culture, often you’re introducing and re-introducing yourself several times a day. We’ve all seen the variety in how this is done. 

From the under-sell approach:

I’m in marketing. 

I’m on Michael’s team. 

I sit near the women’s room. 

To the overshare: 

In the 90’s I got divorced and…

Oh no, make it stop—we’re here to talk about SEO!

To the memorable gems that are succinct, articulate and clever—often peppered with an on-brand joke or two. First impressions stick, so why not elevate yourself in those first moments with a thoughtful summary of who you are and what you do. Bonus points if you lighten the mood with a tone that reminds people to stop taking themselves so seriously. 

Here’s my framework for developing an Elevator Pitch that feels natural to deliver in a meeting, at a networking event, on an interview or even at a party. 

Sentence #1: The Overview
This is a one-sentence overview of who you are and what you do. Easy right? If you don’t have the opportunity to finish the rest of your pitch, this sentence should be able to stand on its own. An ounce of creative thinking can go a long way here. If you come up with a clever and unique way of describing yourself, you’re buying the time and audience attention to finish your pitch. 

Sentence #2: Time to shine
Use this space to practice the art of authentic self-promotion. Here’s where you can talk about a couple of strengths, passions or a career highlight. If you’re doing this in a meeting, you’ll want to do your best to make it relevant to the topic at hand, but if you’re networking or at a party—the world is ready and waiting to hear about your quirky talents. 

Sentence #3 (optional): For career changers and re-launchers
If you’re using this pitch for networking and interviewing as part of a career change or re-entering the work-force after a break, here’s where you explain that. You can put a neat and tidy bow around it and then MOVE ON. For career transitions, you can explain why transferable skills one, two and three make you qualified for job description requirements four, five and six. When you’re addressing your career break, you can explain that you chose to take three years to focus on raising young children or care for a sick family member, but now you’re excited to use your transferable skills one, two and three at a mission-driven company. 

Sentence #4: The ask
This will vary greatly based on where you are and with whom you’re talking. In a meeting, it can be as simple as expressing interest in the topic at hand, gratitude for the opportunity to share the capabilities of your team or even a request for everyone to ask questions throughout so the meeting is more of dialogue than a presentation. When you’re networking, think of something you can ask that might be easy for a person to accomplish and make them feel good to deliver. Perhaps it’s an intro to someone in their network or to think of you when speaking opportunities in your area of expertise arise. Obligatory coach note: remember to return the favor and be generous with what you have to offer. Your generosity feels good and also demonstrates that you’re someone with value and expertise, a leader. In an interview, the ask is fairly obvious, but it bears repeating—your ask should drive home why you’re a good fit for the job. 

Once you have a working draft of your pitch, give it the seriousness test. Is there a way to add something funny or at least light-hearted in the first two sentences? Now, practice on people (and pets) in your close-in circle. Make sure it sounds natural and feels like something you would say—and not like a thesis recited by the robot-version of you. When you’re ready to debut your pitch at a meeting or an event, know that it will not come out as perfect as it sounds in your head and that’s OK. It’s a place to start and you can build from there. Notice the difference in the response you get from this new declaration of who you are that goes WAY beyond your former, "I’m with him." Take in the smiles and focus of your audience and know that you did that, simply by owning the space to be the best version of you. 

If you’re looking for a little extra support in honing your Elevator Pitch, please consider the Nail Your Elevator Pitch Mini Course!

The Mini Course includes…

Five short videos that walk you through:

• A welcome and setting you up for success

• Identifying your strengths

• The strategy and approach to writing your pitch

• The formula for three different types of pitches based on your situation

• Getting into action with your pitch

Plus, a workbook where you can write the first drafts of your pitch.

All for $100!

Add a 45-minute 1:1 session to workshop your pitch with Rachel for $400.

Let’s get you out there networking with a pitch that will give you the momentum you need to make that next big career move. Take the next step here: https://www.rachelbgarrett.com/pitch